5/14/07

So, I had my first gig back last Friday. It was not exactly what I would call a triumphant return. I’ve had better, and I’ve certainly had worse. I suppose I was a bit rusty, though I didn’t think I would be. I did learn a few things, one of which is that I need to organize set lists so that they are paced well. This is something I used to do, but I had become more likely to simply have a list of songs and then pick & choose as the evening progressed. I suppose I may go back to that, but for now, I need to have a better idea of what I want to play going in. Of course, that doesn’t mean that I’ll be inflexible, depending on the mood of the audience.

The next booking is at Borders in Rockford, IL on Friday, then the following Friday at the Firefly Coffeehouse in Oregon, WI and Sat at Café Carpe in Fort Atkinson, WI.

The new CDs are available for sale at my gigs and will be at CDBaby.com within the next few weeks. This web site will also be redesigned, and I really have no clue what my wife has in mind. We shall see.

Not much else to report for now. Be good.

3/5/07

Done.

Finally done.

I’m finally done recording songs for the new album.

Maybe.

Ok, so I’ve been down this road before. But, as I type this, I honestly believe that I have finally finished recording material for my next collection of songs. Well, the next two collections, actually.

The new material has gone from being called Geometry Of Life to Live…Love…Learn…Sing. I just like the title better and it seems more descriptive of the content. The second CD will be called My Blues and consist of songs from my first three albums that I’ve chosen to revisit because of the tremendous growth I’ve experienced since they were first recorded. I’ve redone 21 of them and will decide which ones to include while I’m going through the mixing process. This should all be done in no more than two weeks, and once the art work is completed, I’ll be all set.

So…then what?

I’ll be firing off copies of both to various outlets that review material because I need the press. Both will also be available for sale at CDBaby.com and at my gigs. Of course, I need to get some gigs. I’ll be working on bookings within the next two months using a demo consisting of seven songs chosen from existing material. It’s my goal to make my living with my music, and it’s high time I really got started. By this time next year, I hope that “day jobs” will be a thing of my past.

11/23/06

Happy Thanksgiving to you all. It's been about four months since my last entry, so I probably have quite a bit to discuss.

First, big news for me and my wife. We just bought a house in Juda, WI. It's 7 miles from her job and about 45 from mine. However, my commute is actually a rather pleasant drive. The location is also probably better for me in terms of getting gigs, once I start that process. I'm only an hour from Madison, two hours from Milwaukee, about 40 mins from Rockford, IL and a couple of hours from Chicago.

The house is on a beautiful two-acre lot and is very private. Its only real problem is that it only has one bathroom and we really would like to have an additional half bath. However, the place is about the perfect size and we may add the missing element in a few years.

As for my next CD, it is still coming along. I mentioned in my last entry that I'm redoing all of the songs, and I'm now about halfway done. The home buying process demanded quite a bit of my time and attention over the last two months, and so did moving everything we own for the second time in six months. We are just about unpacked and I anticipate getting back to the songs next week, or perhaps this weekend.

Most of those who read this journal on a regular basis should be aware that my three favorite acoustic artists are, in no particular order, Guy Davis, Todd Snider, and Chris Smither. I just had the chance to see them all within a 7-day time frame. Todd was Madison on 11/10, Chris was in Milwaukee on 11/15, and Guy was in Wisconsin Rapids on 11/16. Chris was also in Madison on 11/16, but I chose to seem him on 11/15 so I could make the trip to see guy the following day.

All three shows were excellent. It seemed to me that Todd and Chris were both more relaxed that the last time I saw them perform, though it is possible that I'm just seeing my own state of mind in them. I think I'm really at ease with my own music it right now. Of course, I haven't really played consistently for about a month, but sometimes stepping away from it and gaining some perspective can be necessary. I'm growing. The way I sing is changing, as is the way I approach the guitar in general. It's exciting and frustrating at the same time, but right now, I'm really looking forward to finding a way to express these that is best suited to show who I am at this moment in time.

In other words, I'm starting to really be comfortable in my own skin.

I hope. :)

I had another observation about these three artists. Todd is probably 39, Guy is 52, and Chris is 62. There's 10 years, give or take, between each one. It seems to me they're all at different stages of development.

I really think Todd Snider is approaching the level of what I would consider to be a master craftsman at what he does. His songs are getting better and he's finding ways to express himself and his views that entertain and stimulate the mind of the listener. Hell, my wife has stated that she doesn't necessarily care for most of his music, but she likes what he has to say. That's high praise; trust me. She's not much into music, though she is highly supportive of me. As a performer, he's solid. Very good at translating his songs to a live setting. I would much rather listen to him live than one of his CDs. That's also true of Guy nnd Chris.

Guy Davis IS a master at what he does. Amazing songwriter, musician, singer, and performer. What's more, I really think he's a teacher. This is based on interaction I've had with him and my observations of the way he deals with people who are also players or writers. Yet, he certainly doesn't put himself on any kind of pedestal. He remembered me from the last time we spoke and invited me to spend time with him in the dressing room before this most recent show. He made me feel almost like one of his peers simply by treating me that way. I say "almost" because in my mind, he's at a level where I want to be someday. Yet, he sat and listened to me play some in his dressing room, nodding his head, smiling, and saying "yeah..." more than once. Trust me, that's a compliment. I got him to feel.

Oh, I also need to mention Nerak Roth Patterson. He's played on a few of Guy's CDs and has been touring with him lately. This man can get that guitar of his to really talk. Have a look at his web site:
http://www.nerakblues.com/

He struck me as a really nice guy. We seemed to get along really well.

Finally, Chris Smither strikes me as a man who is not only a master of his craft, but as someone who has used it to help him find at least some inner peace. I don't know him as a person, but I've seen him perform three times now and we've shared a few conversations. This last time he just struck me as more happy and content, both when we talked and while he performed. This is on the same day that the airline lost some of his luggage, including the CDs he had intended to sell between sets that night. Yet, it seemed to roll right off his back. A friend of mine says that Eric Clapton has used his art to heal himself. Chris might also fit that description.

I have a couple of political things I need to get off my chest...but I'm going to be brief.

Tell me, when was the last time that having only two choices was a good thing? What if there was only one group with real power in the world? How would they lull the masses into thinking they had some control over the law of the land? Controlling the media is a good step. So is having them believe they choose their leaders by offering them two candidates from parties they control. How does voting for one puppet over the other help when there's only one person pulling the strings?

Do I believe that is the way of the world right now? To be completely honest, I lean in that direction, but I'm not sure. I certainly don't have any idea on how to fix it. Power corrupts. The pursuit of it can do funny things to people. I won't even get into what love of money can do. Combine the two and it's not hard to believe that those in power, both in government and in the corporate world, care nothing for the rest of us. We're probably on the level or worker bees or ants to them. But, all I can really do is control how I live my life and treat people the way I want to be treated. I'm not always successful. But it's an ongoing process.

Lastly, I have little patience and tolerance for those who say that anyone who is anti-war doesn't support the troops. To them I say, "if you want to support the troops, bring them home."

What better way is there to support and appreciate those who have to defend our country than to bring them back to it, away from a situation that is clearly getting worse? I won't discuss the war profiteering or the lies our leaders told us to justify what they've done in our name. Just bring the troops home. Stop the unnecessary death and destruction, for them and those who have to live in those countries.

Bring them home.

 

7/30/06

I suppose at some point, I will stop being surprised when life hands me exactly what I need, when I need it. But, now is not that time.

I just spent a good portion of this past Friday & Saturday with one of my favorite acoustic artists. I’ve decided not to name him out of respect for his privacy. However, he has an extensive catalog of music and has won a number of awards. He is highly respected and as it turns out, a genuinely good human being.

The gentleman in question listened to a number of my songs and offered very specific feedback on four of them. He shared his opinions on what was good and what needed change and/or work and he did so in a very constructive manner. He made sure that I wanted to hear his true thoughts and feelings before speaking his mind, and then offered wonderful insight in a manner completely free of any malice or bad intentions. He made a few observations about issues that I had chosen to ignore and he shared ideas that had simply never come into my mind. He made it clear that at some point, I should be successful – but there is work to do.

I thought I was done with these new songs. It turns out that I’m not. I will have to evaluate each one, and redo a number of recordings – possibly all of them. That prospect frightened me yesterday. Today, I’m looking forward to it. In my heart of hearts, I know this is good material. I also know some of the parts I recorded could be better. However, it’s very difficult to maintain any kind of perspective when you’re the only one working on a project.

One of the necessary ingredients for growth is honest, constructive feedback from those qualified to give it. It’s come from a number of people in my life, most of which has been discussed within this web site. However, this is the first time the source has been an established, award winning artist who I happen to admire and respect. I don’t know what the result will be, but I am certain that I needed this. I was prepared to release Geometry of Life and fire it off to critics, clubs, booking agents, and anyone else I could think of that might help me really start my career. Now it will have to wait until the songs are right and I’m really showing who I am. Otherwise, why bother?

I don’t know if this artist understands how much this will affect me. Other than offering my sincere thanks, I’m not sure it particularly matters. However, it does illustrate to me that we never really know how much our words and actions will affect other people. Therefore, isn’t it important to uplift all beings while doing as little harm as possible (thank you, Clark Sensei) as often as one can?

7/9/06

I believe that I may be finished with Geometry of Life.

I've already gone through remixing all the songs at least once and will be lisetening to them some more this week, but I'm pretty sure that I'm finally done. My wife is currently working on the both the album artwork and redesigning this web site. I don't know how long either one will take, but once I'm sure that I'm content with the new music, I'll post links to it on this page.

I don't have much else to report right now. I plan to spend most of my time preparing to perform live again. Once the new CD is ready to go, I'll start trying to find gigs.

Talk to y'all later.

6/11/06

We had to go through it again today. We had to euthanize another ferret.

Friday was the 3rd ferret my wife and I acquired, and he was almost the 2nd. When we brought Ajax home, we had narrowed our choices down to two ferrets. We took Mojo to the store and essentially let him decide for us. However, a few months later, the woman who eventually bought Friday returned him to the store where my wife was working the time, so decided to take him in.

In his youth, Friday was quite the daredevil. It seemed his mission in life was to find a jump from one surface to another that was unattainable by any normal ferret, and keep trying until he got there. Once this involved landing in the cat's water dish, which according to my wife, was a very funny moment. I was working at the time. However, I do have many memories of watching him gauge distance and thinking to myself that there was NO WAY he would jump, only to watch him give it his best shot. I don't think he made it half the time, but it was fun to watch. I was always afraid he would hurt himself, but to the best of my knowledge, he never did. As he got older, these leaps became less and less frequent until they stopped entirely. Eventually, he fell victim to a common ailment in ferrets from Marshall Farms (FUCK THOSE ASSHOLES), adrenal glad disease.

The gland was removed surgically, and he seemed to recover fairly well. It extended his life by about a year, and up until the last couple of weeks, it was a damn good one. I'm really not in the mood to discuss it in any detail, so suffice it to say that he had one or more of the following problems: kidney failure, a form of cancer, or intestinal problems. I had prepared myself for the need to end his life a couple of days ago, but he responded to some treatment, so we decided to see how things progressed over the weekend. This morning he made it clear that he was done, so we took him in. It's the second time it seemed to me that a pet knew where he was going and was content with the decision. I understand that I may well be simply seeing what I want to try and rationalize the choice I made, but I don't believe that's the case. In any event, if ever I'm in a similar condition, I hope someone is kind enough to help. Quality of life is a major issue with me.

Musically speaking, I'm still trying to finish vocals. I had hoped to get a major chunk done today, but for obvious reasons, that didn't happen. I'll get back to it tomorrow.

5/19/06

Ok, so I'm now in Madison, WI. So far, I like it here. I haven't done much besides get settled, unpack a few things, work on my new CD, and begin the job hunt...but it appears to be a nice place to live. It seems I'll have a harder time finding a day job than I anticipated, but that's all right. I've had a feeling that I would wind up doing something new and more fulfilling. The appropriate solution will present itself at the right time. Meanwhile, I'll keep looking.

Obviously, I'd prefer to really get my music career going. To that end, I have one more guitar track to finish and then I'll start working on vocals. With some luck, I'll be done with recording by Monday. Then the mixing process will start and that's about another week or so. Once the CD is ready to go, I'll start trying to get gigs in the surrounding area.

I had also decided to redo a bunch of older songs as a kind of "best of" CD, but after giving it some serious thought yesterday, I've changed my mind. Once I've finished the new songs, I want to start playing out again. And, I'm of the opinion that as I now play them, most of my older tunes are not different enough from the original versions to spend the time and expend the energy it would take to rerecord them. That can be very tiring. Yes, I'm a better player and singer now. Hopefully, I'll make a bigger jump in another couple of years, and I believe I'd be better served with moving ahead than by looking back. Of course, I could just be rationalizing the fact that I don't want to work on another 18 or 19 songs. As enjoyable and fulfilling as it can be to record, it is also a VERY taxing process. It's one thing to flesh out new ideas and work on arrangements. It's something else entirely when one is trying to create something that's a keeper.

That's it for now. I'll post another entry once Geometry of Life has been finished.

4/12/06

Ok, I've been very busy, and I've made a couple of major decisions in my life since my last update.

The first and most significant is that we'll be moving to WI at the end of this month instead of waiting until June. The reasoning behind this is fairly simple. Neither I nor my wife was inclined to work at our current jobs for any longer than was absolutely necessary. She was actually having a harder time of it than I was, meaning she was a bit more miserable. So, at the end of March, I just made the decision to go. I was actually inclined to do so by 4/1, but that would not have been very smart. We both really needed to give the appropriate notice to our respective employers, as well 30 days written notification that we were vacating our apartment. So, today is my wife's last day at work, and mine is tomorrow. Man, it's going to be hard for me to get up and go in for one more day when she's already done. Ah, well. It's my own fault. I picked the date. I should have been smart enough to have them coincide. At any rate, we'll be in Madison, WI by 5/1/06.

The second decision is that I have suspended work my next CD, and again, the reasons are simple. I had hoped to lay down some tracks at the Jiyushinkan dojo because the room has really interesting acoustics and wonderful energy. I've made a couple of live recordings there, and liked the sound quite a bit. However, the room just isn't suitable for a studio quality CD. There are too many outside noises over which I have no control, the most notable of which are cars and planes. I considered recording in my apartment again, but things really aren't much better there. We're in the flight path of Phoenix International Airport and there are a couple of dogs owned by neighbors that can be heard any time they bark, plus my own little demonic canine. It's not so bad that it bothers me every day, but I don't want to try and fight it while recording songs. I managed to do so for Here I Stand, but I'm still not quite sure how. So, what's the solution?

I wait until I get to Madison to finish up. The home in which we'll be living for at least a few months is in a very quiet neighborhood and has a finished basement. I've been told that it will be ideal for me. The acoustic quality of the room is a complete mystery, but I'm willing to take the gamble. It's easier to compensate for mediocre to bad acoustics than it is to quiet planes, cars, and neighbors.

I realize that it seems like I keep putting off this new batch of songs, but a certain amount of work has been completed. Assuming I still like what I hear the next time I listen, drum and bass tracks are finished and I was prepared to begin guitars and vocals. Even after I made the decision to move to Madison by 5/1, I initially gave myself a week in April (including four days while my wife would still be employed) to do nothing but apply myself to the recording process in the hopes that I would finish before relocating. However, it seems to be smarter to use that time at what should be a better location. So, I decided to work for another week instead, and then take a week before I go hunting for a day job in Madison.

So, that's pretty much it. I imagine the next time I update this page, I'll be in another state.

3/3/06

I decided against selling the collectible items I mentioned in my previous post. I did sell the old US coins to a local dealer for a decent sum of money, which will just about cover what I owe the IRS this year. (grumble) Stupid federal taxes. That's what I get for claiming too many deductions.

Recording update - progress continues to be S L O W . As of last night, I have completed the bass parts for 3 songs, with a possibility of a 4th, depending on what I hear when I listen tonight. I plan laying down bass tracks on a total of 8 songs, so I may or may not be halfway done after about a month's worth of effort.

Damn.

I had hoped to start recording guitars and vocals on 2/11/06. Now it looks like I'll be lucky to be overdue by a couple of months. I understand that I shouldn't let this bother me. It's not like I have people beating down my door, demanding that I have some finished product ASAP. Still, I had set what I thought were reasonable goals, and it bothers me not to have met them. I suppose I should have considered the fact that it's been 5 years since I made any kind of effort to play bass. When I think about that, it doesn't seem so odd that I'm having significant trouble getting a recording that I find satisfying. I *really* hope things go smoothly once I start guitars and vocals, but if history is any kind of indication, the whole process will prove to be frustrating. I just need to remember to be patient and have faith in myself. Truthfully, no one cares more about these songs than I do. So, I can just take all the time that's necessary. No need to rush it.

I got to see Buddy Guy perform at the Mesa Arts center this past Wed, 3/1/06. I didn't even know he was going to be in town until the prior Sunday, when I happened to tune in to a local blues radio show and heard it mentioned. I'd never seen him before, and I'd had the thought more than once that I should before it gets to be too late. I had a good time, as did a couple of friends that went with me.

That’s it for now.

2/14/06

For those of you who may be interested, I'm selling a couple of guitars that I no longer use on Ebay, as well as a set of Norman Rockwell Silver Ingots and a Franklin Mint Bicentennial Day Medal. I will also be listing a collection of old US Coins, once I get them sorted out. All the items can be seen here:

http://search.ebay.com/_W0QQsassZtoddmustelidQQhtZ-1

Progess is being made on recording my new songs, though it is rather slow. I suppose I'll be done exactly when I should be, though I really have no idea when that will be. I'm in the midst of writing and rehearsing bass parts, and I'm having to shake loose quite a bit of rust. I had hoped to be done with bass and drums before 2/11/06, but that didn't happnen. In fact, it will probably be another couple of weeks before I'm happy with the bass tracks. But, that's ok. The only deadlines I have are self imposed. It's not like I have any kind of contractual obligation to anyone. I can afford to take my time.

I don't have much else to say right now. Talk to you later.

1/23/06

Ok, it's been a month since my last entry, so I figure I need to post an update.

It now looks like there will be a total of 15 songs on my next CD. As I type this, I plan on having drums, bass, vocals, and least 2 guitars on 8 of them. There will be 2 instrumentals. The rest will be voice instead of a living, breathing drummer, I have two primary reasons.

1. I don't currently know anyone who plays drums.

2. I have, with one exception while at MI, had the absolute worst luck with those whose play percussion as their primary instrument.

So, it is currently my preference to program a box that sounds reasonably good instead of trying to find a drummer with the skill I need and a personality I like. Trust me; I'm better off this way.

That meant relearning how to use said machine. I couldn't find the owner's manual, so it took a few hours to figure out how to use it efficiently. Then it became a matter of deciding which of the sounds available were the best for each song, as well as arranging the drum part. It can become rather tedious, but it's necessary.

Once I get the drums recorded, I'll lay down a scratch guitar track, followed by bass. The scratch guitar track is temporary. I'll use it to get a better idea of what I want on bass. All this will happen at home, and will done be by plugging directly into the recorder - no microphones. Once that process has been finished, I'll move to the location where mics will be used for vocals and guitars. That's where room ambience and dynamics will come into play.

As of now, I have most of the drum parts written, and a couple of them recorded. I anticipate finishing them during the week, and hope to finish bass tracks over the weekend. My goal is to then practice for a couple of weeks, and start recording guitars and vocals on 2/11/06. Once I get to that point, I'll only be able to record for a few hours on Sunday afternoons at my location of choice. If all goes well, I'll be finished by the end of the month. I'll let y'all know.

12/20/05

So, it's been awhile since my last entry. What can I say? I've been rather busy. I spent most of November polishing songs for the new CD. The beginning of December saw me focused on Shayna's Christmas Celebration which was quite a success. It's my understanding that there will be a DVD available with proceeds going to the Child Crisis Center. I'll post details as they become available to me.

That was back on 12/10. On 12/13, my wife and I flew out to Madison, WI to visit her family. We got back into Tempe last night. We stayed with her parents and little brother, and her older brother and his girlfriend came in from IN for a few days as well. Essentially, we had an early Xmas celebration on Sat, 12/17. I'll finish off the holiday season by visiting my mother and grandfather in CA on xmas eve.

Overall, it was a great trip. We had some wonderful time with my wife's side of the family, and I got to do some quality guitar shopping. I was able to visit the McPherson Guitar shop in Sparta, WI which only reaffirmed my strong desire to obtain one of these wonderful instruments. I've discussed the redwood top/rosewood body here before, and after playing a few different top and body combinations, it remains my favorite. However, they did not have an all koa instrument. After playing an all koa Taylor at Dave's Guitar Shop in La Crosse, I called McPherson Guitars and asked for a price quote on one. $7500. Wow. And, that would be without a pickup. Of course, when considering that their guitars start at $4000, it really isn't all that surprising. The question for me then becomes whether or not dropping that kind of coin on one instrument is worth it, or even reasonable for someone with my level of finances. In other words, how in the hell can I even consider something like this when I'm essentially broke most of the time?

Well, first of all, I need to be more responsible with my cash. I seem to be able to do so in spurts. Then I go on binge where I eat out all the time for a couple of weeks and the dent in my checking account is matched by the expansion of my waistline. Factor that in with the normal xmas indulgences on gifts and a few other expenses, and you find a certain fat bearded man unable to seriously consider purchasing a quality instrument.

However, I now understand that I really have no business buying anything less that a top notch guitar. I guess that once you buy one, there's just no going back to something that's been mass produced - unless you happen to stumble across something that's a happy accident. While in Madison, I visited two stores that had a nice selection of high end instruments, Spruce Tree Music and Madison Music. In my opinion, the latter was particularly nice, and I would be very happy spending a sizeable portion of my time there. I played a lot of really expensive guitars, and I was particularly impressed with a Lowden and a few Goodalls. Price range? about $3600 to $5500. The starting price of $4000 on a McPherson no longer seems so high. But again, how can I consider this?

Simple. I'm an artist. I write songs. That's the heart of me. In order to grow, I need the proper tools. The Reuter Resonator I now own has helped me as a guitar player and songwriter in ways I couldn't possibly have imagined. Having a similar quality instrument that is used for a different style of playing is vital to my progress. Theoretically, a guitar is a guitar. I can play on just about anything you hand me that's in serviceable condition.

However, once you have something that is not only a high quality tool but a work of art as well, there simply is no comparison. Not only does it magnify what you do and force you to make refinements, it inspires you to use it. I've said this a few times; the Reuter Resonator is the first instrument I've ever owned that it is difficult to put down. I need more tools like that. Right now, I'm honestly leaning towards trying to find the money for a koa McPherson guitar. However, I'm keeping myself open to other possibilities. I have time.

I have one other topic I wish to discuss, and it's of a rather sensitive nature to most people. However, this is my site, the forum for my thoughts, and I'm striving to be more open and honest with everything I do. I urge you to accept nothing at face value, particularly anything on television or that comes from the mouth of a politician. We're at war, though you wouldn't know it from any images on TV. People are dying unnecessarily every day. Over 2000 American soldiers to date, and that's the official number - which is probably well short of the real one. Countless Iraqis. And for what? Weapons of Mass Destruction? Apparently not, considering we've never found them. Regime change? Excuse me? Saddam Hussein may have been a bad guy, but I'm of the opinion we had no business interfering, especially since our government was responsible for his installation. But, never mind that last point. Focus on this:

What if China, Russia, or some other major power decided that our leader was evil, invaded our country, and threw out our government? Then, after they captured him and the heads of state, left an occupying force to maintain order? What if your town was decimated in the process? Your family and friends killed, even if they had nothing to do with the military or some kind of resistance? Think about it. Troops from another country telling you what you can and can't do, upholding their version of laws. Think about having to go through checkpoints manned by military personnel from overseas anytime you drove on the main highway out of town. Martial law imposed by those who don't even belong here. Pissed off yet? You should be. This is what Bush is doing in Iraq in our name. Other countries don't hate us because of our freedom; they hate us because we're acting like the new Roman Empire.

Question everything, including what you just read. Start with http://rense.com. I'm not saying you should believe everything there; hell, I'm not saying you have to believe *anything.* But, if there's some small part of you that believes things may not be exactly what they seem, look around. Read alternative news sources online. Research things that seem credible or that ring true to you. We *know* The Gulf of Tonkin was an incident staged by our government to draw us into the Vietnam war. FDR not only knew about the attack on Pearl Harbor before it happened, he pretty much forced the Japanese into it. Don't believe me? Good. Prove me wrong. Send me links to information that contradicts what I've said. Try to do so without passion or prejudice, and without anger. Truth is truth. That's what we should all be after, constantly.

I was going to discuss something else that should be questioned, but I think I'll pass for now. Suffice it to say that blind faith scares the shit out of me. Don't be so attached to any belief that logic is abandoned in favor of unquestioned devotion.

Finally, new songs will be coming. I'll start recording after the holidays.

11/7/05

So, I didn't make the AZ Blues Showdown finals this year. Congratulations to those that did, and best of luck to whoever moves on to the finals in Memphis.

Having said that, I'll admit to being annoyed when I found out I wouldn't be involved next week. My biggest problem was that I honestly thought I made a solid representation of who I am right now. I knew I had made a couple of mistakes, but nothing major. I also thought I sang well. Was I wrong? Was my perception of myself so far off base?

No, it wasn't, and I have proof. (chuckle) A friend of mine was kind enough to videotape my set for me, and I watched it right after I got home and unloaded my car. It wasn't the finest performance I've ever given, but I'm satisfied with my showing. No regrets. And, there are things upon which I can improve. Some of which I was already aware, others I wasn't. I thought I covered a more dynamic range, instrumentally and vocally. The video didn't reflect that. I thought I had more stage presence, and that I made my emotions more obvious through body language and facial expressions. It occurs to me that I've toned that done a great deal since my youth because I used to make the *ridiculous* facial expressions. It was kind of painful to watch. But I think I've pared it back too much. That's actually somewhat ironic, considering how important it is for me to express myself as openly and fully as I can.

I also think this marks the end of a chapter in my life, and the start of a new one. For a long time now, I've considered myself a "bluesman" - whatever that may be. I really no longer do, and my newer material is reflective of this. That doesn't mean I think any less of the blues songs I've written, those I will write and perform in the future, or of the art form in general. That word just no longer defines who I am, if it ever did. In fact, that point merits some further discussion. A recent debate over my new business cards might illustrate what I mean.

While designing the new cards, there was some deliberation over how I should identify what I do. It started out as "Acoustic Musician," but I felt it didn't say quite enough. Next was "Acoustic Artist," but I wasn't comfortable with that. It struck me as a bit pretentious. Then I hit on calling myself an "Acoustic Craftsman" and really thought it was perfect. I liked the images that phrase brought to my mind; crafting songs from whatever served as inspiration on my chosen tools, sweating it out in my "workshop," struggling to achieve something as close to perfection as I possibly could. However, my wife disagreed. Her opinion was that it would create confusion by giving people the impression that I build acoustic instruments. So, I called a few people and got their thoughts. It turned out that I was alone in my belief that the word "craftsman" was the better choice. What finally convinced me was a friend who essentially said that an artist does everything a craftsman does, and then some. He said I was being too modest. There's truth to that. I was hesitant to give myself that label, thinking it wasn't really my place to do so. Well, people whose opinions I value have cast their vote. Acoustic Artist it is.

So, calling myself a "bluesman" or "blues artist" simply isn't accurate. It could be that I needed this last bit of experience for it to really sink in. I play blues. I write songs that could be called blues. I probably will for the rest of my life. But it doesn't define who I am. Now that I stop and think about it, I suppose that's one of the reasons I'm redoing some of my older material for a "best of" CD. I need to give these songs a better representation of what they are before truly being able to take my next step, whatever that may be.

11/01/05

So, I was accepted into the Blues Showdown this year. Info on the even can be found here or on my gigs page. I discuss my feelings on this in some detail in the entry dated 9/30/05 below. Feel free to read it now if you haven't already done so. I'll wait.

;-)

My feelings are pretty much the same. I still want to win it, and I believe I have a pretty good chance. First things first; get past the first round. If I don't, that's ok. I have 2 CDs to record over the next couple of months, regardless of whether or not I do well in this competition. All I can do is share who I am and perform to the best of my ability.

Now then, there's something else I want to discuss, and it's at least somewhat related to most recent entry here dated 10/27/05. I talked about the need to be subtle, and the need to change the way I approach my music and my life. Not only has it really started to take root, I can now look back and see some of the events that led up to this rather dramatic change.

First, there was meeting and marrying my wife, whose patience is apparently endless. *You* try spending about 85% of your life with me and see how long it is before your well runs dry, so to speak. (grin)

Second, I started practicing aikido at the Jiyushinkan in Feb 2003. It really isn't possible for me to explain how this practice works. If you're interested, have a look at the organization's web site and contact Clark Sensei:

http://www.jiyushinkai.org

For the purposes of this discussion, it's enough to say that it has helped me learn the importance of being appropriate to any given situation. That might strike you as somewhat vague, but it's really an all encompassing answer. I spent too much of my life being loud and overbearing when it was not necessary, and that had infected every aspect of my being. I'm fighting to get past it. My akido practice and the people there with whom I've developed relationships are a huge part of that.

Third, I started taking vocal lessons because I honestly started to believe that I had the ability to be a good singer. This came from not being horrified at any given point by my vocals while listening back to a recorded concert. Enter the help of Patrick Cunningham, wonderful person and vocal teacher who can be found at:

http://azmusicinfo.com

Fourth, I bought a high quality tool for my trade, meaning a top notch resonator. This is something I would never have done were it not for my wife, Clark Sensei, and a close group of friends. This guitar has helped me become a better player. It's far more responsive to how I play it, and as a result, I've had to learn to be more relaxed and precise with my technique. That's important for everything in life. Relax, and be precise.

Apparently, I'm really taking all this to heart and making it a part of my being. While I was practicing new songs last night, I found that I was having difficulty staying in pitch and hitting the notes I wanted. After dealing with some frustration, I discovered it was because I was trying to hard to sing and project; I was being too forceful and that led to tension, which is probably the enemy of any kind of efficiency.

So, I relaxed. I went slower, working back up to speed. The problem solved itself, and by the time I was finished for the night, I was all smiles and felt absolutely wonderful; Not only because I had practiced well, but because I could *feel* the change. There was more depth and nuance to what I was doing. I knew it was there.

I gotta say, it's pretty cool.

Lastly, the need for another tool has been slowly making itself known over the last few months. I play guitar in three tunings: standard, open A, and open D. So, for live performances, I really need at least 3 guitars. I've found over the years that each tuning really sounds best on a specific guitar. Open A sounds best on my resonator, D on my Ashland dreadnought, and standard goes on my Fender Newporter. Now then, just as I outgrew my last resonator, I've really outgrown the Newporter. I still like the guitar, but it just doesn't quite measure up to the sound of the other two. Furthermore, it doesn't enable me to improve the way the new resonator does.

On a side note, The Ashland is the one that's really inexplicable. It was less than $200 in a small music store, and I think it holds it own quite nicely for playing slide. However, I can see the day where it will be replaced coming as well.

So, I've been poking around, trying to find something. There are a couple of brands I'd like to try, CA Guitars and Emerald Guitars in particular, but they are not easy to find. I did find one CA, but it isn't the model I need. Still sounded cool though.

This past Saturday I wound up at Cave Creek Guitar and played a McPherson for the first time.

Damn.

Talk about being blown away.

The guitar sounds absolutely amazing, is exquisitely crafted, looks beautiful, and feels like home sitting on my lap. No, I didn't buy it, and it will be some time before I have the money to do so. However, there is no question in my mind that an instrument from this company will help me do what I need, the same way my resonator has. Having said that, I'm in no huge rush. Their guitars start at $4000. That's far from being an incidental expense for me. But, after having held it, I can say I believe it's worth every penny.

Conincidentally, the company is in WI, reasonably close to my in-laws. We'll be visiting them in mid December, and I hope to check out the McPherson Guitars facilities during that time. It's become important to me to know that I support good people. If I get bad vibe from the company, it will sadden me, but I'll look for a new guitar elsewhere. I will let you know. In the meantime, you can have a look at their website here:

http://mcphersonguitars.com

The particular model I played is this one:

http://mcphersonguitars.com/redwood

That's it for now.

 

10/27/05

Every once in a while, a person is lucky enough to have an epiphany. A moment of clarity about something that will leave him forever changed. Such was the case for me last weekend.

Technically, “epiphany” might not quite be the right word. While it did come upon me suddenly, I know with absolute certainty that it had been brewing for at least a few weeks, and probably longer. It may have started when I realized that I was probably annoying a few of the people in my life that I value and with whom I would like to develop closer relationships by being needlessly crass and inappropriately blunt at high levels of volume. In other words, I think I was getting on the nerves of some of my friends by saying shit that was unnecessary in my typically loud fashion. It would seem a little of me goes a long way, and this is with a group that is rather tolerant.

I feel the need to acknowledge that in hindsight, the preceding observation may be entirely wrong and a figment of my own imagination. I don’t believe that’s the case, but it’s possible. However, it was part of the path that led me to what I think is a better place, so for the purposes of this discussion, it doesn’t really matter whether or not my perception was accurate.

So, it occurred to me that maybe I needed to tone things down. Maybe I didn’t need to be the guy that always had a wiseass comment in my hip pocket, no matter how clever. Maybe I didn’t need to be the loudest person in the room. And maybe, just *maybe,* contrary to what I had been saying for many years, I could be subtle.

My attitude on relationships in general had been simple. I was who I was. If that happened to be someone you didn’t like, you were more than welcome to leave my presence. It didn’t matter to me either way. After discussing this with my wife last Saturday, I came to the conclusion that this acted a defense mechanism that enabled me to deal with the fact that I’d been socially inept for most of my life. It had been my way of saying, “You don’t like me? Fine. Fuck off.” I had decided long ago that I wasn’t about to change who I was for anyone. I was maintaining my integrity and being true to myself.

There is value in that stance. Truly, there is. However, at some point, I think I started to become my own stereotype. I may have been amplifying my personality as a form of protection; a means of keeping people at a reasonable distance while I decided whether or not I could let them see who I really was. Why? No one likes failed relationships, whether they’re friendships or something on a romantic level. I don’t know that I’m more affected by them than anyone else. I actually doubt it. However, I can tell that when it comes to both emotional and physical pain, I am a giant wimp. Huge. Tremendous. ENORMOUS. I have no problem admitting it. Pain hurts. I don’t like it, though I realize it's necessary in life on innumerable levels. That doesn’t mean I have to enjoy the process. With that in mind, I could make the argument that I tested people to see if they could put up with me before trying to get close. I now think that doing so is actually somewhat dishonest and probably at least a little stupid. But, I digress.

So, a few weeks ago, I decided to make a real effort at controlling my tongue and being more appropriate to any given situation. That was step one. There were probably a series of small things between then and this past Saturday that I either can’t remember or am unable to recognize for what they were. In any case, the major revelation came last Friday night when I least suspected it in a location that I guess shouldn’t surprise me, though it does.

I went to a Fiddler’s Dream for a blues night. If you’re not familiar with the place, it is a small non-profit organization/venue that features entirely acoustic music. No amplification of any kind. In my opinion, it’s a wonderful place to play. The gentleman who went on last goes by the name of Jack Straw, and I had never previously heard his name, or seen him perform anywhere. You can have a look at his web site here:

http://jackofroses.net

From looking at him and the guitar he held, I wasn’t expecting much. Turns out that was rather foolish. He had me from the first note of his first song, and I was hooked for the duration of his performance. He played mostly slide guitar with a delicate command and articulation that just knocked me out. His voice was raspy and even somewhat abrasive, but it worked. I was amazed. I was moved. I was blown away. He was subtle and unobtrusive, and yet somehow, he held my attention for his entire set. I made it a point to shake his hand and let him know how much I enjoyed him. I didn’t know it at the time, but his subtlety of performance was going to be the catalyst for some major self analysis and change. I spend my life shouting; this man whispers elegantly.

Then, standing at my car, before I even got in, it started to hit me. I didn’t know what, exactly, but I started to ache inside. Something just felt…wrong. I stood there for a little while trying to figure it out. It didn’t come. On the drive home, I realized that I had just been taking the wrong approach to a great many things. It really began to bother me. In fact, the following day I snapped at my wife because she let me know I was being too loud in the car while we were discussing something by saying, “Honey, I’m right here.” She didn’t deserve to have her head bitten off, and I knew it. I apologized immediately.

Once we got home, I talked to her about what I had started to feel the previous evening. Not only did I realize that I wanted to make some changes, I was also wrestling with the idea that maybe by changing I was somehow abandoning who I was at my most fundamental level. I was also exploring with her issues that I have discussed in the preceding paragraphs. At some point, she said something along the lines of, “But don’t you think you’ve changed a lot over the last couple of years?” My considered response was, “No, I think I’ve just become more of who I really am.” That may have been when it really started to sink in. This defense mechanism I had used, who I thought I was, this sort of front I put up had infected every aspect of my life. Everything I did was too hard, too loud, too strong. Everything. I can’t emphasize it enough. Every – f’ing – thing. Why? Because I was a fat, social misfit minority as a child? So what? Because two of the major adults in my life had loud, dominating personalities? That meant I had to be bigger and louder than them? Why? To what end? How much time had I wasted creating a persona that defeated the heart of me?

I cried.

I sat there, pondering these questions with my wife, and cried like a scared child. At first, it hurt. Then it was more like a release; a relief that I had discovered this, and was letting ago. That had actually been happening for the last 2 ½ years; I just hadn’t been aware of it. There are many people to thank for helping me, mainly my wife and my extended family at Jiyushinkan.

I had a gig that night, and I know my approach was different. I’m certain it was reflected in my performance, as it has been in my practice all week. Is it better than before; more skillful? I think so, but that doesn’t really matter. It’s more honest. It’s more indicative of who I am.

And right now, that *does* really matter to me.

 

10/13/05

A funny thing happens when you practice consistently with the intent of writing new material; it actually begins to happen! (chuckle) It looks like I’ll about 17 new songs for the next CD, and I’m thinking about having other musicians do guest spots for the first time. Should be interesting.

My wife has inspired two new songs, one of which I’ve been playing publicly for a couple of months, and the other I may perform this weekend, though I doubt it will be ready. I just finished writing it this week. There’s actually no real chorus to it, but there is a form. In any case, I don’t yet have the whole thing memorized.

In fact, I’ll list out the new songs I’m trying to work into my sets:

Will Play:

The Ballad of Papa Chuck
Hey Baby
From Time to Time
Blues Karma
Living One Day at a Time
Charlotte’s Happy Place

Not Ready This Week:

Crying Blues
Stand Up & Take The Fall
Who I Am
Feel Alive
Running
The Way It’ll Be
They Let Go

Still Being Refined:

Choices
I Could Be Wrong
Unnamed Instrumental

I also have another instrumental I’m calling Lullaby that will really only be a CD track; it won’t be playable live. And, as I look at these songs and try and classify them in terms of genre, I really only have 4 that I would call blues. The rest are folk, or….well, shit. Maybe even country. Go figure. I always knew I’d wind up embracing my hidden, undiscovered hillbilly roots.

That’s it for now.

9/30/05

Hello again.

Writing continues on the next CD. As of this entry, I have 12 songs in various stages of development. I'd like to have at least 14 when I start recording, which should happen in November. The plan is to practice and woodshed them as much as possible in October, both with my practice and at gigs.

It occurred to me some time ago that I really don't have full command of my material until I feel comfortable playing it live. I can create numerous recordings and practice songs for limitless periods of time at home, but there’s a whole new level of ownership when I perform well in front of an audience. I suppose it has to do with development. It's not entirely a matter of an audience accepting or appreciating a song, though that helps. It’s also about making a commitment to the song, taking a risk with it, and becoming enriched with the process and experience. In any case, I plan on playing at least 5 new songs tomorrow, and am hopeful of adding 3 - 4 next week.

The next AZ Blues Showdown has its preliminary round on 11/6/05, and I've decided that I'd like to participate. I'll be sending in my application and demo within the next few days. I've been in 2 previous competitions, most recently making the finals in 2000. That was my goal at the time. Now I've decided that I'd like to win the whole f'ing thing.

But, I do have mixed feelings about it. I'd like to believe I’m above things like Battle of the Bands type competitions, but apparently, I'm not. I'd like to think that I don't judge other artists/players/bands based on whether or not I perceive them to be better than me, but it's just not the case...yet. That part of me has grown smaller, especially over the last 2 1/2 years, but sadly, it's still there. What I do with my music isn't based on being better than anyone else; that I can say with a clear conscience. All I'm really trying to do at this point in my life is to express myself as best I can, and grow as a songwriter/singer/guitarist. I'd like to be successful and make a living at this, but that’s not what motivates me. Having said that, it still bothers a part of me when other people succeed, especially if I think they're not as good as I am. But, I'm growing, and trying to get past it.

Ideally speaking, I should help other artists in whom I believe to the best of my ability with only the best of intentions. That includes not expecting such help in return, though of course, reciprocation would be nice. Why do I say that? Because in my heart of hearts, I believe that's what people should do - take care of each other. If you like what I do, come see me play. Drop some money in my tip jar, and/or buy one (or more) of my CDs. Clap if you like what you hear. I'll do the same for you. If you don't find any value with my music, that's fine. Support someone who does move you. What's the old saying? "Good deeds are their own reward." That's true, to a level I'm only just beginning to comprehend.

Now then, in the business world, that viewpoint is incredibly naive. I know that. However, I have the luxury of being able to do things the way that I want. I can conduct myself in a manner that makes sense and feels right to me. I have to answer to no one, except perhaps the audience and my wife. In this way, my music stays as pure as possible. No compromises, aside from those I make myself as a writer and artist. That limits my commercial appeal, and as I type this, that's fine. Ten years ago, I would not have said the same thing. Ten years from now, I may believe something completely different. That’s acceptable to me. All I have is right here, right now. I hope to evolve for the better, but that remains to be seen.

Hmm. Seems I went off on a bit of a philosophical tangent there. Back to the Blues Showdown.

I said I'd like to win it. I would. But, I also believe that desire is small and narrow minded. I believe my primary goal here should be to share my music and give the best performance possible. That's all I can do. I can't control whether or not anyone finds that appealing. So, I really need to let that part of me go. I just need to take part and enjoy the other artists as best I can while trying not to indulge in petty judgments about who is better than whom. Things will unfold as they should. That's the way of things.

Of course, first I have to be accepted into the contest. :-) I'll let you know.

 

8/30/05

Ok, so the smile at work thing has lost most of its power. It's still somewhat effective, but I suspect its time is limited.

It seems the older I get, the less tolerance I have for being a cog in corporate machine. The bitch is that the only thing I'm sure I want to do is make my own music. Currently, there is a minimal market for that. <chuckle> In terms of making a living, I have to work for someone else. It seems that whatever job I hold, I eventually become disenchanted. It just feels wrong after awhile. The phrase "dying inside" comes to mind, and it has found its way into my newer lyrics lately.

So, what's the solution? I'm not really sure. I've said many times that if someone isn't happy with their station in life, they should either take steps to change it or quit complaining and deal. The only change I can see bearing any kind of real happiness is what I've already mentioned. Trouble is, I don't know how to get there. I'm not about to start up a cover band. In some ways, that's worse than a regular day job to me. I've been down that road. I have no desire to spend 4 hours a night playing music written by other people in crappy bars. No, I'm afraid it's making it with my own material or not at all.

There's a part of me that thinks it will happen when the time is right. I've reached a point where I honestly believe I'm now good enough. Songs, vocals, guitar...all solid to me, even exceptional sometimes. And yes, I'll keep improving.

I've also resigned myself to the fact that I may never get anywhere. I can't quite say that's ok with me, but it doesn't change the fact that I have to keep at it. I've tried giving up music before, and it just doesn’t work. It's something I *must* do. And, I'm not content to just sit at home and play for my own amusement. There's some masochist in me that insists on playing live and trying to get to people's emotions; to try and move them. I'm pretty sure it's not about craving attention. If that was the case, I'd have no problem doing whatever it took to draw an audience.

I've also realized somewhat recently that money really isn't all that important to me. Sure, I'd like to be more comfortable, but apparently, I'm just not motivated enough to take the steps necessary to ensure a higher level of income. I've seriously considered going back to school, but I hit a road block when I try to decide what to pursue. Music is the first answer, but honestly, what I want to do doesn't require any kind of degree. I don't want to teach, at least not in any kind of classroom setting. I've been in those classes and seen what teachers go through. No thanks. I could see getting a degree in order to become a better private instructor. Hmm. That actually makes sense to me.

Fuck.

I may have just had an epiphany.

Shit.

I've tried giving private lessons before, and had some success. Truth be told, I'm probably not that good a teacher. That doesn't mean I can't become one. In fact, I'm certain I can be pretty damn good at it. Hmm. Truly food for thought. Obtaining a degree and furthering my knowledge not only for its own sake, but to actually become a good private instructor. But, would that then detract from what I really want to do? Probably no more than a normal 8 hour day job.

This feels right to me, at least at the moment. Kinda weird, actually. Something to think on.

So anyway, I was going to say that getting a degree in order to do a higher paying and still unfulfilling day job makes no sense, but I was sidetracked - as you can probably tell. But, I've probably been on this topic for too long.

I'll end this entry by saying that I have no gigs in September, and that's by design. I hope to finish writing and possibly start recording new material. There was a Discover Your Music set for 9/10, but that's been cancelled because all Borders' cafes will be undergoing a remodel during the month. The next DYM is at Borders in mesa on 10/8, with a kind of preliminary event being billed as Todd Lorenz & Friends on 10/1 at Borders in Paradise Valley.

That's it for now.

 

8/18/05

I've been feeling downhearted
broken down and dead
I feel there's a stranger
sleeping in my bed
I've seen his eyes in the mirror
looking back at me
I've been blind enough
blind enough to barely see

So, what do you think? Those words came to me last night while I was laying in bed. I nearly got up and wrote them down, but in the interest of marital happiness, I didn't. I did, however, manage to remember and write them down this morning. I'll admit to not knowing exactly what, if anything, will happen to them, but I thought they were interesting enough to share. I suspect they'll find their way into the next song I write, but one can never tell.

So, I've started a new day job in a call center; temp job making good money. It is an incredibly repetitive job, and any time I interact with people on the phone, I worry about coming across as rude. I have a strong voice and presence, and sometimes that works to my detriment. So, I decided to try something that had been suggested to me in the past. I smile while I'm on the phone.

Sounds stupid, doesn't it? Seriously. F'ing ridiculous. And, in my opinion, hypocritical. Why smile if it isn't genuine?

Well, it turns out that it works. I don't know why, exactly, but I do know that my voice sounds different; the edge that slips in without my knowledge does not make an appearance - and that's not the strangest part. I feel better.

Yes, I actually feel better. The day is less tedious, and even now while my back is giving me problems, I'm in a better mood. Make of it what you will. I'm just going to figure that I shouldn't mess with results. I need this job right now.

Ok, I do feel compelled to analyze it a bit. My best guess is that I'm creating my mood by forcing the smile. Making my own reality, in a small way. That's not to say that I can't sometimes hear a lack of sincerity in my ever so polite phone manner; I can. However, that's better than being pissed off about doing a meaningless job for 8 hours a day. Making good money just doesn't make me feel that much better, even when I know how badly we need it right now. But, somehow, wearing a forced smile while I'm on the phone just makes things easier. (shrug) We do what we have to, I guess.

If you didn't come to the Discover your Music last time, you need to go to the one in Chandler on 9/10. I promise you'll hear at least two people who will knock your socks off. It will be worth your time.

I recorded my last set at Fiddler's Dream on 8/5. There were 5 songs that I think may be worth sharing, including a new one. I'm waiting on some feedback from people whose opinions I value.

That's it for now. Talk to you later.

8/8/05

Well, it was a pretty interesting weekend of gigs, but I don't feel like discussing it right now. We lost another ferret sometime this morning.

Devon was pretty sick. He had a heart tumor, some kind of infection, and had built up fluid around his heart and lungs that made it difficult to breathe. He was on medication, and had improved quite a bit. Up until Saturday night, he had been eating willingly, and had seemed at least somewhat like his normal self. However, late Sat he began to have trouble breathing again, and had less interest in food. Sunday night he wouldn't eat at all, and I realized it was probably about time to euthanize him. I made a mental note that we needed to move up his Thurs appt, and be prepared for the worst.

When I went to let our weasels out of their cage for the day just a bit ago, he was dead, and apparently, it hadn't been long. We got Devon and Whisper at the same time about 3 1/2 years ago from a woman who just had too many pets, and she had to part with some of them. They were both adults at the time. We found out that first night that Devon was deaf, though it didn't seem to have any effect on his quality of life. He seemed to always have a great time until the first night I noticed he was having problems a few weeks ago.

Oh, Friday is better.

Here are a couple pictures of Devon. I'll miss you, pal.

7/21/05

Well, I'm short on time these days, so this will be a brief entry.

A couple of our ferrets are having health issues. Friday is borderline insulinomic, and Devon appears to have a heart tumor. Both seem to be responding to medication, and Friday is practically his normal self. Devon has improved, but I'm less optimistic about him. We'll know more tomorrow after an appointment with our vet.

I have a new temp job working a full 40 hours per week, mostly because our car died and we had to buy a new one. Yes, my/our first brand new car. The Tracker died, and I wasn't about to throw more money at it. We purchased a Scion XB, and it seems to be the perfect vehicle for me. I fit nicely, it gets great gas mileage, and there's plenty of room for my gear when I'm gigging.

Not much else to report right now. Still at 7 songs for the next CD; I've been job hunting, which as most of us know, is an exhausting process that detracts from one's creativity. In other words, it sucks balls.

Heh.

Til next time...

7/7/05

I see there's been a bit of a lag since my last entry. My apologies for that.

So, I am currently unemployed. I had been on a temporary assignment, and, like they tend to do, it ended. (chuckle) So, I'm seeking gainful employment, which is always a lovely experience. I had acccepted something at a call center, and about halfway through my first day of training, I realized that I really did NOT want to be there. So, I left. I'm actually at a bit of a loss as to what type of day job I should pursue.

I've decided that data entry is probably my best bet, in terms of finding work fast that I consider to be acceptable. Of course, I would certainly be thrilled if something that was actually stimulating came along. I've even given some consideration to finding a sales job in a music store, but it would really have to be the right situation. I'm not the type of person that enjoys trying to talk people into buying something, though I'm more than happy to function in an advisory capacity. LOL That's just what every storeowner wants from his sales staff, right? But seriously, I could be very happy working in the right store; someplace that cares as much about the customer being happy and satisfied as they do about overall sales. Does such a place really even exist? I honestly don't know.

I now have 7 tunes for the next album, 5 or 6 of which I plan on performing this weekend. I've come to the conclusion that I don't really have full command of songs until they are played live comfortably a number of times, so I probably won't start the recording process until I have about 14 that fit that category. I don't think it will take long, but one never knows. I would like to have another collection out before the end of the year.

That's it for now. Be good.

6/16/05

Ok, all better now. Nice to be back to my normal self.

New songs are coming along nicely. Since I last updated this page, a new tune has been nearly completed, with another on the way. That makes a total of five new songs so far, and I'm just getting started. (chuckle)

Kind of an interesting gig this weekend; an internet radio show. There's a link to it on my Gigs page. It should be pretty cool.

I don't really have much else to discuss at the moment. The new Batman movie is pretty cool, though it seems the older I get, the less I care for anything that happily tosses any semblance of reality out the door while trying to tell a story. This film is guilty of that in places, but I'd still say it's worth your time if you're an action movie fan. Without having watched them recently, I'd say it's better than the other films inspired by the same character.

Talk to y'all later.

6/2/05

I'm better, but still not quite myself. This bug that's making the rounds here in the greater Phoenix area is really starting to piss me off. I generally don't stay sick this long, and I especially don't have things hang around for more than a day or two once I start to recover.

So, I had the one gig/private party last Friday, which I had seriously considered cancelling. Boy, am I glad I didn't. I had the best reaction I've ever received from an audience, including my first standing ovation. I also sold 18 (!) CDs, which is probably more than twice as many as my previous high. I can at least say with a high degree of certainty that I've never sold into double digit figures before. I actually didn't think I performed very well, especially considering that I hadn't practiced at all during the previous week. But, when I was doing vocal warm-ups and running through some songs that night at home before I left, I knew I was ready. My energy and/or spirit felt good, even if I was still sick. I guess that's what came through. A friend of mine who has probably seen me more than anyone else over the last few months said it was absolutely my best performance, and a couple of others said my presence was entirely different from the last time they saw me - in a good way. There are really at least a couple of reasons for that.

First, as I've discussed before, I've been taking vocal lessons, and when I'm healthy, I do exercises for at least 30 minutes a day, 6 days a week. My teacher is Patrick Cunningham, and you can have a look at his web site here:

http://www.azmusicinfo.com/Sing.htm

He's been a tremendous help.

Second, and equally important, is the new guitar. Clark Sensei said it was going to teach me to be a better guitar player, and he's right. It's so responsive to what I do that my technique has to get cleaner, though it's not something I'm really doing consciously, at least not any more than I always try and improve. But, I do know that I find myself laying back and playing more, rather than trying to work the instrument and wrench the sound I want out of it. I suppose it's like driving a high performance sports car instead of a Pinto; both will probably get you where you want to go, but one will do so with a higher degree of...hmm....authority. I hope that paints the right image.

So, I'm actually getting pretty anxious to get enough songs written and recorded for a new CD. I want to see what happens next!

It's nice to feel like I'm becoming who I should be.

5/26/05

I spent Mon through Wed of this week home sick. Lots of fun. Lots of yucky symptoms I won't describe here. Suffice it to say that I'm getting better, though I did cancel my Sat 5/28/05 gig at Borders in Scottsdale. I decided it would be wise to give my body and voice some rest.

I'd like to say that new songs are coming along, but that's not the case. When I'm sick, I don't do much of anything, and that includes singing. I don't really pick up a guitar without doing so with the exception of a few instrumentals, so that means I haven't played all week. So, no writing or polishing has taken place. Hopefully, I'll have a really productive week starting this Monday.

Have a great Memorial Day weekend. I'm going back to lying down now. (chuckle)

5/19/05

Hey there. I had a pretty good couple of gigs last week, particularly at The Duck and Decanter where I sold 5 CDs. Always a good feeling. Thanks to each of you who bought one or more; believe me when I say it is deeply appreciated. I also had a few people sign up for email list; thanks to y'all as well.

I saw the new Star Wars flick today, and I have to say I enjoyed it. How much? Not sure, really. Will have to see it a few more times and let it sink in a bit more before I really make up my mind. Probably once more in a theatre, and then on DVD. I will say the special effects were really amazing, and the film was far more intense than any of the other installments in the series.

One more little note before I go. Those of you who appreciate art should have a look at the following web site:

    http://jamesno.com

I don't know much about that kind of stuff, but I think this guy's work is really excellent.

Bye for now.

5/11/05

As I mentioned in my last entry, I have a new guitar. She's a resonator hand built by a luthier in Phoenix named John Reuter, and she speaks with a great deal of warmth and clarity. I haven't taken any pictures yet, but I will. It's the first instrument I've ever owned that I actually find difficult to put down once I start playing. Note that I've referred to her in the feminine gender; that's not a mistake. She's very much a lady with a deeply seductive quality, and I'm not the only one who has made that observation. How I came to acquire her is an interesting story.

The resonator I had been simply became unserviceable to me, and it wasn't worth the money it would have taken to repair it. So, I made the decision to buy a new one with a budget of around $500 - $700. I was discussing this with Chuck Clark, someone whose opinion I greatly value. He agreed that I needed a new tool, but encouraged me not to limit myself to selecting something within a certain price range. He said I should find the best instrument that suits me and what I do, make my need known to the universe, and keep an open mind because one can never tell what will happen. Well, he is an instructor of aikibudo (I'm part of his dojo), and he offered to teach a weekend clinic and give me the proceeds in effort to help me get what he believed I needed. I was moved to tears, and humbly accepted his generous offer. I went down to see Mr. Reuter and as it turns out, the 100th instrument he built is now the one I have.

It's really amazing how acts of kindness can affect you, how you conduct yourself, and how the world is perceived. There's also a great deal to be said for people you trust stating that you're worth a tool of the highest quality, and then going out of their way to help you bring it home. Thanks, guys. Mere words could never properly express how much what you did means to me.

So, while I do have this new guitar in my home and she's been a part of a gig, I don't yet feel like I own her yet. I'm still learning to understand her, which I would say is necessary when dealing with any woman. I believe part of this comes from not yet discovering her name. No, I won't just give her one. She has an appellation, and I need to find out what it is...which will happen when it's time.

New songs are brewing; I hope to start recording in June or July. The name of the next CD will probably be The Geometry of Life, which is something that came to my wife one night. Damn it if it just doesn't sound good.

Talk to you later.

5/4/05

Ok, so here it is...the site redesign. Very much like the old, but somehow more streamlined and efficient...at least in my humble opinion. There are a few new things; the songs on my music page should now stream automatically, and you can listen to a whole album at at time if you wish, instead of clicking on each song. Pretty cool, I think There will also be a links page, though it is blank at the moment. My wife wants to design nice banners for each one, so it will take some time.

I have a new resonator; more about it in words and pictures to follow next time I post; it's getting late as I type this, and I'm pretty tired. I'm looking forward to its first live performance at Borders in Mesa this weekend. 


4/4/05 

Had a decent gig at Borders in Scottsdale back on 3/26. Sold one CD, and made decent tips. Didn't have a very good couple of gigs at the Duck and Decanter and Borders in Avondale on 4/1 and 4/2, respectively. Didn't sell a single CD, and actually made better tips at Borders. The Duck is kind of a hard place for me to figure out; I guess it just depends on who happens to bet there. I don't care much for playing a bunch of covers, so unless the crowd is interested in original music, I'm not going to go over very well. That's fine. My choice. I'd rather play what stirs my soul than compromise and become a jukebox. Hell, I've been through that, and it pretty much kills me inside.

I actually had someone complain about the content of one of my songs at the gig on Sat 4/2. I believe the tune in question was One Last Time, and before I played it, I commented that it is somewhat dark. Well, a parent was bothered enough that she told the manager that it wasn't appropriate for a song with lyrics like that to be played in a family atmosphere. I have to admit, I'm somewhat torn about it.

My first reaction, both as an artist and someone who can be rather confrontational was a big mental FUCK YOU. It's art. The lyrics discuss the state of mind of a man who has been trashed emotionally by someone he loved, and what he's thinking about while getting drunk. Feel free to listen to the song and see what you think. 

However, if I try to approach it from the parental point of view, I can see where one wouldn't want his/her young child exposed to that subject matter. Personally, I believe if the kid is old and/or smart enough to be affected, it should be discussed. Of course, I have no offspring, so I can't say that with any real authority; just my own opinion.

The manager's course of action was to let me know about it, and she advised me that if any more of my songs were violent, that I may want to keep the complaint in mind. I offered to pack up my stuff and go, to which she replied, "I would prefer that you didn't." She then stated that she had told the person who had approached her that there had been no other complaints, most seemed to be enjoying the music, and that she was free to choose not to listen.

So, I played my wife's two love songs and a couple of other "happy" numbers before I went back to the rest of my material. I was made aware of no other complaints, and a number of people approached me to let me know they enjoyed what I did. 

Something that's kind of amusing about this situation is that after writing those lyrics a few years ago, I decided not to do anything with them because of how I thought people might react. My wife is actually the one who changed my opinion. She found and read the lyrics and told me that I *needed* to do something with them. I've also discussed it with a few people whose opinions I value, and they all pretty much think it's a good song about real feelings people have. 

It also brought to mind the situation this country seems to be in with the vocal minority. It appears that if you bitch loudly and often enough, you get your way...regardless of the number of people who don't agree. I don't want to turn this into a political rant, so I'll just leave that there.

I guess the bottom line for me is this; I wish the woman would have said something to me personally. I believe that had she voiced her opinion in a rational manner, we could have discussed it and perhaps each of us could have understood the other a little better. Of course, there's something to be said for not interrupting a performance.

I am EXTREMELY thankful to the manager for pointing out to the woman that she was in the minority and not asking me to leave. I enjoy playing at Borders, and one of the main reasons is that I'm free to play original material. If I had to censor myself, I'm not sure that I would continue. It's not like I was being profane or obscene. 

That's it for now. Be good. 

3/24/05

I had a pretty good gig at Borders in Mesa last week, which included selling a couple of CDs. I didn't get a chance to speak with one gentleman, but I believe the other's name was Phil. Pardon me if I'm mistaken. Thanks to you both. This web site will be getting a bit of a redesign within the next couple of weeks; it will be going to regular HTML, which I actually prefer. I will also be going to strictly high quality m3u files, as opposed to the mp3s I have now in both high and low. Why? Well, the low quality files don't really get many hits, so I'm just going to dump them. I'm going to the m3u format so that the files stream automatically. I may take most of June off from gigging so that I can concentrate on new songs and spend a few Saturday nights with my wife. I'm already booked the first weekend, but I may just let the rest go and start back up in July. I think I'll let the idea simmer til Monday and decide then. I'll be buying a couple of hand built resonators from a luthier in Phoenix within the next few months. Rather incredible instruments, and there's an interesting story behind how I came to make this decision. I'll tell it when I have them in hand and I post some pictures. Guess that's it for now. I'll be playing at Borders near the 101 and Scottsdale Rd on Sat for the first time. I'm looking forward to it. Be good.

3/7/05 

I have a couple of things to talk about. First, I had a pretty decent gig at the Biltmore Borders over the weekend. I made ok tips, and sold a CD to Rita Buhrman. Thanks, and I hope you enjoy it. Second, I've started taking vocal lessons. I'll be going once a week for the foreseeable future, and while I've only been twice so far, I can tell it's made a difference. I went to an instructor once before in my early 20s, and it was a miserable experience. However, I'm not the same person, and I'm obviously seeing a different teacher. You might be inclined to wonder why, after singing for roughly 20 years, I would suddenly choose to do this. The easy answer is that I want to get better. What prompted it is a bit more complex.

I recently listened to a live recording that was made of one of my gigs a few months back, and for the first time, I wasn't altogether displeased. In fact, I thought it was almost acceptable. It then dawned on me that I truly might be able to get really good at this. I've also received positive feedback from people whose opinions I value highly, including someone who is going to teach a weekend seminar and give me the proceeds so that I can buy a quality resonator (thanks Sensei!). These, and a few other things, have all led me to the conclusion that I can become a damn good singer/songwriter. I just need a little hope in a few areas, vocals being first. So, the time is now. On an unrelated topic, I'm writing new songs. I'd guess that I'll have another collection out before the end of the year. Be good. 

1/24/05

I had a wonderful, if tiring, weekend of gigs. All on Sat. I made nice tips and sold 5 CDs, including 3 to one gentleman. Second time a person has done that, and I have to say, it's a pretty cool feeling. Also sold one to Mary Lee and...hmmm....Ashdon, maybe? Sorry if I don't recall. I do remember his little girl's name was Rachel, and she was a fantastic little dancer. It's great to watch young kids enjoy music. At any rate, thanks to y'all! Not much else, for the moment. Talk to you later.

1/21/05 

I had a nice gig at Fiddler's dream last weekend. Made good tips, and sold 3 CDs to one woman (thank you, Rachel). I also had the privilege of hearing Teresa Storch for the first time. She seemed nervous to me, but I really enjoyed her songs. It would probably be worth your while to have a look at her web site, teresastorch.com. 

Busy day for me tomorrow. 2 gigs; one at Duck and Decanter from 1p - 5p, and Borders in Chandler from 7p - 9p. What the hell was I thinking??? Should be fun though. There are certainly worse things for me to do than spend 6 hours playing music. I'm starting to incorporate some new covers into my sets; stuff that I'm actually singing about an octave lower. I'm not quite sure about the reactions I'm getting, but I think they're pretty good. That's it for now... 

1/9/05

Happy New Year. I started out my 2005 by making the decision to euthanize one of our ferrets. It's not the first time. That was Sebastian, and then shortly thereafter, Zoey. However, that was different. They were two ferrets who we adopted late in their lives because they had been abandoned at a PetCo, and we wound up taking them into our home. My wife (then girlfriend) and I knew that they really didn't have long to live - though the decision to end their lives certainly wasn't reached easily. Ajax, on the other hand, we bought when he was a kit who fit in the palm of my hand. He was our 2nd ferret, acquired as a companion to Mojo. There were a number of things wrong with Ajax, and he was on a few medications. To make a long story short, we were trying to get him healthy enough for surgery, and it wasn't happening. In fact, it was getting worse. He had stopped eating on his own because it was too painful (ulcers and other problems), and the medications were no longer having any effect. So, I made the difficult decision to end his life. He wasn't yet five years of age. This was done last Friday. It was, and continues to be, quite painful. My wife and I were both there with him at the end, and truth be told, I feel something within me has changed.

I suppose being present when ending the life of a loved one will do that. Yes, fine, he was a pet. An animal. But, he was *MY* pet, and I took his health and welfare very seriously. I feel that in some way, I failed him. I'm not much of one for playing "what if" games, but I can't help but wonder what steps I should and could have taken to ensure a higher quality of life for a longer period of time. I'm a human being, and therefore far from perfect. However, I can honestly say that I do what I think to be best and within my means for my animals. I don't consider them to be my children, but like a good parent, I do recognize and welcome the responsibility that comes with pet ownership. One can argue about whether or not animals have souls, but the discussion is not particularly relevant to me. They are dependent on me for their well being. One of them got so sick that I thought it was appropriate to make that last decision. How can it be anything but painful? In fact, when I first mentioned the idea of it to my wife, I did so by saying that if I were in a similar condition, I would want someone to put me down. And, I guess that's really the bottom line of it all. Treat others as you wish to be treated. I hope he understands, and agrees. If not, I'll discuss it with him when my time is done. 

I also had a few gigs this weekend, including one Friday night, at which I don't think I performed very well. However, it was cathartic for me. It was also necessary in a way that I can't fully explain. I then had a couple of bookings on Saturday; one in the morning at the Cave Creek Coffee House, and one that evening at Borders in Glendale. Both went well, and I made decent tips. No CD sales, but I actually forgot to take them with me for the Borders show. Rather brilliant, don't you think? I'm getting to a different place, performance wise. I feel like I'm making progress with really giving of myself, which is the goal. This weekend is a set at Fiddler's Dream. I hope to see you there if you can come. todd@toddlorenz.com 

12/27/04

Happy Holiday Wishes to everyone. My Xmas was pleasant enough, but I'm looking foward to the New Year. It's been an interesting time for me, and I suppose like most people, I feel that when I'm creative, it's a constantly evolving thing. New songs have begun to spring up, and it seems to me that they'll be rather different from my last batch. We'll see. Hopefully there'll be some remodeling to this site, including a non-flash version, within the next month or two. Not much else to report. Y'all be good.

11/30/04 

I hope you had a great Thanksgiving. I was at a gathering of friends on the day itself, and then had pretty much the same group at my place on Saturday. Great food, better people. It was a great couple of days. Stinkweeds at Central and Camelback has acoustic blues on Sunday afternoons from noon until 2p. I was there last week at 1p, and I will be again this week. For those of you who may not know, it's a record store that actually stil sells vinyl. Yes, they have CDs. Cool little place, and the main store is actually in Tempe. Have a look at their web site, stinkweeds.com. I need to update a few things on this site, and one of them is info about my CDs. As you can guess from the music page, I have three:

Here I Stand
Reflections
Even My Shoes Got The Blues

All three are available at my gigs for $10.00 each. Here I Stand is now available for sale on CDBaby.com for $13.95. Get a load of this: http://cdbaby.com/tlorenz1

If it goes well, I'll put the other two up for sale there as well. That's it for now. Hope to see you at either one of my gigs this weekend; more info on my gigs page (link in lower left hand corner).

11/22/04

So, I had my first not-so-great gig at The Sail Inn on Friday. I was playing outside, which I thought would be ok. However, the place is in the flight path of the Phoenix International Airport. Now, I may have a pretty strong voice, and I was playing through a PA system, but there was no way I could compete with jets flying low overhead. It turns out I also had to argue with the jukebox playing inside the bar, which was loud enough that I could hear it between songs on the stage outside. Nice, eh? Still, I had a couple of people tell me how much they enjoyed what I was doing. On Saturday, I went to see Todd Snider at the Cave Creek Coffee House. Augustus Brett opened up, and played some great tunes. Nicely done, Gus. Check out his web site at: 

http://gusbrett.com 

Now then, Todd Snider is one of my favorite people. In my mind, he's up there with Guy Davis, Chris Smither, and Harry Manx. I've never seen him live, and was really looking forward to it. I'm glad I went, and he put on a good show, but I really wish he would have played longer. He went no more than 90 minutes, and while I feel like I got my money's worth, it would have been wonderful to hear him for another half hour. He's a gifted songwriter and a great performer, and in all honesty, I'd listen to him for as long as he'd be willing to play. In this case, that was 90 minutes (chuckle). For some reason, he seemed really nervous and somewhat uncomfortable between songs. There was none of that while he was singing, and I obviously have no way of knowing if there was something troubling him, but regardless of all that, I hope he finds something resembling inner peace. If I knew of a way to help him personally, I would. 

Til next time...

11/16/04

Ok, 3 gigs last weekend, all of which went pretty well. I sold 3 CDs on Friday at Xtreme Bean, and 2 on Sun at Minder Bender's. None at the 10k run, but considering I was playing for people running by me, I wasn't expecting to do so (chuckle). So, not counting the 10k run, I've sold at least 2 CDs at every one of my gigs so far. I think that's fantastic. It's my goal to sell at least one, because that means that someone in the room placed enough value on what I do to actually pay me for it. Obviously, I'd like to sell bunches, but I'll take one at a time. It's certainly better than none. I fired off some demo CDs to some people around town today in order to get some more bookings, and 5 to CDBaby.com, which is the net's biggest independent music store. I'm curious to see how that goes. I figure that at the very least, it's some exposure. At best, I'll sell some CDs. Either way, I'll keep playing for whoever wants to hear me. Back to the 10k thing for a sec...it was actually a pretty cool experience. A number of the runners and walkers took the time to say "Thank you!" as they went by, which put a big smile on my face every time. A few even went so far as to thank me for playing peaceful music, or unplugged music, or even good music. Hmm...I guess not everyone is a fan of loud rock bands these days. So, to those of you who expressed your thanks, you're all quite welcome. It was a pleasure and a privilege. Lastly, a woman who apparently does promotion work here in Tempe gave me her card after I was done at Minder Bender's on Sat. I actually have yet to email her, simply because I've been either wiped out or busy since that night. However, I'm going to drop her a line as soon as I get this posted, and I'll let you know if anything comes of it. 

Til next time...

11/08/04

I had a great concert last Friday at Jiyushinkan. It was for a few close friends, and the vibe in the room was AMAZING. If I could half of that feeling on a regular basis, I'd be pretty happy about it. I tell you, there is nothing like an appreciative audience, regardless of size. Thanks, guys. I had a blast. I have a few things lined up this weekend; Xtreme Bean on Fri, a benefit at Minder Benders on Sat, and then I'm a part of the entertainment for the New Times 10k Run on Sun. Details on the gigs page of this site. This week, I'm going to start firing off CDs to various places to be reviewed, mainly for exposure. I'll probably get them over to CDBaby.com for sales as well. Seems like I'm now in the business of promoting myself. Should be an interesting ride. 

11/01/04

Elections are on Tuesday, and the temptation to say at least a little something about them is too great to resist. I have rather mixed emotions and strong opinions about the state of politics in this country, and yet somehow, I doubt things are much different than they've ever been. I just perceive them differently. 

I don't really want to go off on a long rant about this. Suffice it to say that I consider our current president to be a criminal for a number of reasons, and believe that within his family, those types of activities stretch back to at least his grandfather. Furthermore, regardless of what has been presented to the public by most of the media in this country, the incumbent and his opponent aren't really any different. One can actually handle public speaking and say the word "nuclear" properly, and the other can't. Both went to the same college, and while there, became members of the same elitest organization. Two candidates, no real choice. I'll be voting my conscience, which means for someone else. Hell, I'm not really convinced the electoral process is any more than a way of keeping the masses in check by leading them to believe that they have a say in the way they're managed, but that's another discussion. Note: this is MY web site and these are MY opinions. I currently have no evidence that would be admissable in a court of law. 

Musically, my gigs start again this weekend. I'm looking forward to it, and hope to have more posted soon. I've been to a couple of open mics since the last time I posted a note, with varying results. One thing is clear; I'm not yet where I want to be in terms of performance. I'll get there, eventually. I'd say I find most of what I do acceptable for public consumption, but I have yet to find the true essence of what I'm chasing. I have before, and I will again. The goal is to be able to do it whenever I want, and that will take years. 

Talk to you again soon.

10/13/04

Ok, the site needs a revision or two, the most obvious being what happens when you click on one of my music files. As it stands now, that depends on what program you use to listen to mp3s. If you're using Windows Media Player, it opens in a separate window and begins to buffer and stream the song automatically. 

However, if you're using just about anything else, it opens the file in the same window as my page. Not that big a deal, though when you click on the BACK button on your browser, it reloads the page from the beginning instead of going back to the music section. Apparently, it's a Flash thing. 

In any case, until we change the code so that the files automatically open in a new window, please right click on the song you want to hear, and then select OPEN IN A NEW WINDOW. That will solve the problem. If you want to save the file to your hard drive, please use the FILE...SAVE AS command in your player. 

I've been booked at Fiddler's Dream on 1/15/05. It had been quite some time since I visited the place, so I went down there on Sat night with a few of my friends. I took my guitar just in case there was space available for the open mic set after the regular sets were finished. 

Pretty good night of music. I particularly enjoyed Ed Sloat, who had a great touch on guitar. Very solid; great picker. As for me, I did play 3 songs for the open set, and was pretty horrified by my performance. 

I started with Dance of the Mustelids, and it wasn't until I was about a third of the way through that I realized I was nervous and the adrenaline was pumping. Mustelids is a pretty fast tune; not what you want to try and keep tempo on when the blood starts to really flow. It really wound up feeling like I was in a car racing downhill, swerving erratically to try and regain control. I really should have known better, but it never even occurred to me that I'd be anything other than perfectly calm. I've played more gigs than I can even begin to count. However, it has been roughly a couple of years, so I guess it makes sense. 

Next was One Last Time, and I settled down quite a bit. I still wasn't thrilled with myself, but was getting better. 

I had intended to play I'm Your Man last, but decided that I needed something that was more of a sure thing - a security blanket of a song, if you will. I went with FatCat Howl, and while I still don't think I nailed it, I got closer with that song that I had with the previous tunes. 

If the words of my friends and the response of the rest of the audience are accurate means of measuring how well I did, I guess I sounded really good to them. I received what seemed to be very enthusiastic applause after my last song. However, my problem is this: 

I wasn't happy with myself. 

The vibe that I strive for when I play; that connection between me, the audience, and the music just didn't seem to be there...though it was close on FatCat Howl. I could feel it dancing somewhere just beyond my reach. I guess I could just chalk it up to first time in a long time jitters, but I need to do better. I know I can do better. Of course, I'm sure that when I feel like I've just had the best set of my life, there will be someone in the audience who will be at the other end of the spectrum. That's ok. Nowadays, I'm doing this for me. If people enjoy it, I'm glad to have been able to bring about a smile or two. If a listener doesn't care for what I do, I hope someone more to their tastes can be found. I'll just keep on keepin' on. 

10/06/04

Well now, hello again. The time has arrived. New songs are posted along with the old, and in a wonderful new web site designed by my amazing wife. So, I suppose a few words about my most recent tunes are in order. It's been a real trial getting these songs recorded with a quality I consider acceptable. First, of course, was my performance. Remember, these tracks were all done live; just me, my voice, and my guitar, one track at a time. If I listened back to a take and wasn't happy with something, it meant I had to do the whole thing over again. No patching in and fixing just one section. That's not what I wanted for these songs. Then, I discovered that my microphones were not getting anywhere close to the sound quality I wanted, and I was having issues with phasing. So, after some research, I bought a couple of fairly inexpensive condenser mics that had consistently good reviews (MXL 603s), experimented with mic placement, and had another go. Better quality. Next, my old analog four track recorder died, just as I was about halfway done. So, time for some new equipment, provided unexpectedly by my father in law. Thank you, Lindell. :-) When I was finally done recording, I mixed down and burned my first CD. I tossed it on my stereo, and was promptly horrified by what I heard. Muddy and unclear...ack! But luckily, I was now working in a digital medium, and all that was required was some remastering. Then...done. You can hear the results within these pages. So, how do I feel about them? 

Well, mixed emotions, as usual. There are some tracks with which I'm absolutely thrilled, and others...well, let's just say that at some point I realized that I had to do the best I could, and then let it go. After all, I'm usually surprised by what people say when they tell me which of my songs they like best. They rarely, if ever, coincide with my own personal favorites. That's ok. These songs are mine, but when I share them with the world like this, they take on a life of their own. People are affected differently by them, and I'm good with that. Why? I've come to the realization that it doesn't really matter what people think about my music. I have to continue to do it. Most of the time, I also want to, but the HAVE to never goes away for long. Believe me, there have been many occasions where I've tried to give this up. I wind up miserable, and things always get better when I start to play regularly again. So, a change in how I approach this whole thing was inevitable, and as happened. I will share what I have to offer with whomever wants to listen. If someone finds value or enjoyment in it, that's great. If not, it doesn't really change what I'm doing. Sure, I'd prefer having people enjoy what I do to having them dislike it, but the bottom line is that I'll still play. Yes, being successful with making a living at this means connecting with those who enjoy my music. Hopefully, I'll be able to do that. But, I won't compromise who I am and what I want to do in order to make someone else happy. I am who I am, and I do what I do. When I play live, it's mostly original material with a few covers that I enjoy. I will only play a request if it's a song that has meaning for me. It's not that I want to annoy someone offering to tip me to play his favorite pop song; it's that I'm not the person who wrote and/or recorded it, and unless it gives me some kind of emotional satisfaction, how can I possibly do it justice? I'll use "Margaritaville" as an example. It's a good song, but it just doesn't give me a charge. It doesn't make the hair on the back of my neck stand up. So, I don't try to play it. How about the song everyone who has ever played a paying gig has heard shouted out at least once, "Freebird?" Now that's a number I really like, but there's no way I'd feel comfortable trying to knock that out by myself. Besides, do I sound like the late Mr. Van Zant? Not one bit. So, if someone thinks enough of what I do to buy a CD, or book me for a gig, or drop some money in my tip jar, I'm grateful for it. I will always try to do my best to ensure they get their money's worth. For those who don't...well, I'll just keep on keepin' on. 

2/22/04

The time is almost here. A batch of new songs almost ready to record, and a new site just about ready to go, designed by my new wife. Maybe I will have some new luck getting a new lease on life with a record deal. At any rate, what do y'all think of the design? Pretty sharp, I'd say. What can I tell you? I married someone who is better at what she does than I will be at anything I ever do. A touch depressing and uplifting all at the same time, if you ask me. As of this writing, I would say the new songs are going to be one guitar and one voice, recorded one take at a time. No overdubs - strictly barebones, stripped down to me, my guitar, and my vocals...for better or for worse. Why, you may ask? A few reasons, I suppose. It is part of my new attitude and new approach to my new life. I seem to keep saying that, but it is true. I have had a personal revelation or two over the last few months, and I believe it to be a good idea to start nearly from scratch, with as simple of a path as I can follow. That's not to say that I'll never go back to the drum machine, or to being experimental again. It is just not what feels right now. What else do we really have besides this moment as it is lived, before the future comes to be and the present slips away to become the past? Right here, right now. It's all there really is. Enough of that for now. Soon, there will be new songs and a new CD. Hope you enjoy the new look. 


1/18/04

Wow.  Been awhile, eh?  Well, let's get on to the important stuff, if there is anyone out there reading.  
At the top of the list is the fact that I'm getting married next month, 2/8/04.  It will mark four years together for my fiancée and I, and ain't no one put up with my shit for this long before.  <chuckle>  We're having a small ceremony and reception for family and friends.  

As for me and my music, I have 13 - 14 new songs that I'm polishing up. I believe they'll be recorded and posted no later than the end of April.  They just started to come.  At some point, it dawned on me that it doesn't really matter that much whether or not I ever manage to be anything resembling successful with my music, I still need to make it for my own reasons and peace of mind.  It's too deeply ingrained in who I am to ignore it for any length of time.  When I do, I become more and more miserable until I pick up a guitar and let it come, and then things fall into place.  I've heard it said, I forget by whom, that music is an evil bitch of a mistress.  That's truer that I really care to consider for long.  
As you may or may not know, MP3.com has gone the way of the dodo.  That's actually ok, because it comes as my site is in the process of being revamped.  My future wife is going to school for graphic and web design, and she'll be handling it.  I'll also be paying for some new hosting somewhere, and plan right now is to post all the music I have for free streaming and download.  If people want to buy CDs, I'll send them. If they want to drop some money in my tip jar, so to speak, via PayPal, that option will be available.  I have some great songs that are deeply meaningful to me, and I want to share them. If people share my belief, and think they're worth paying for, great.  If not, it doesn't really change who I am.  
 
2/6/03

Back in June, we had to put Sebastian down, and Zoey took a turn for the worse.  At the end of September, I said she was doing much better, and she was.  But, last week, she again stopped eating.  Off to the vet she went.  Understand that she has been nearly entirely hairless for as long as we've had her, indicating problems with her adrenal gland; probably tumors.  But, she saw the vet back when we treated her for her infection, and she said Zoey was probably mostly ok, and that she would let us know when she wasn't.  

Zoey had a few good months when she seemed happy, and even affectionate, in her own way.  But, when she stopped eating again, and just seemed more than entirely listless, we thought it might be time.  The vet listed a number of tests, none of which she'd enjoy in the least, and told us that said tests would probably indicate that surgery was necessary, and the odds of her surviving the surgery, much less recovering, were just not good.  I made the decision to put her down, and let her move on to whatever awaited her once she was done here.  It hurt, and I got very drunk that night and had a good cry, but I'm ok with the decision.  Her pain is done, and she's in a better place.  When we meet again, I believe she'll thank me for the care and quality of life she had while she was with us.  Rest in peace, little girl.  

I've just started something new in my life.  In fact, tonight was the first time I participated in the class.  I'm taking Aikido, and here's a link to the organization I've joined:

http://www.jiyushinkai.org

I won't get into any of the philosophies or techniques here; if you're interested, have a look for yourself.  I highly recommend it.  Suffice it to say that I'm finally pursuing a lifelong interest in the martial arts.  There are a number of reasons, but the bottom line is this:  it's something I want, because I believe that physically and spiritually, it will fulfill something in me that has been lacking for some time.  It will give me some much needed focus.  

But, it's new, and therefore (at least in some ways) difficult.  Learning this is not going to be easy, and that's ok.  I've already hit a "wall," so to speak, in learning how to fall.  That's one of the major things taught to beginners; simply learning how to fall.  It is absolutely essential to everything done within the art.  Anyone who knows me should be aware that I'm about as big, dumb, and graceless as they come.  But, I managed to do back and side falls without killing myself, or hurting myself much.  I had a bad moment when I did something a bit wrong and kind of wrenched my back, and I have a history of back troubles.  I slipped two discs when I was in my early twenties, and for the most part, I'm usually ok, but there are times when it's an issue.  Of course, I'm fully aware that a large part of my problem is the fact that I weigh in the neighborhood of 325 lbs.  But, I kept on, never mind the slight pain and fear that I was going to make things worse.  Guess what?  I'm fine.  Stiff and a bit sore, yes, but I'm ok.  Hell, that wasn't even the scary part of my evening.  That came when trying to do a simple forward somersault.

You're supposed to tuck your chin when you do this, and simply put, I didn't do it properly, and I have only myself to blame.  I'm fine, but it hurt, and was more than a little frightening to put the bulk of my ample weight on the back of my neck.  More than once.  I did manage to do it something resembling correct one time, but managed to do it wrong afterward.  Again, more than once.  Am I going to get it right, or am I going to continue to hurt myself?  

In my opinion, succeeding at most things in life comes down to a matter of desire.  How badly do you want something?  How badly do you want to do what it takes?  At one point in my life, I wanted nothing more than to succeed in music, and be heard and respected for the artist I thought I was.  For the most part, I've given up.  Why?  Because I don't want it anymore.  The price I was paying was no longer worth it.  Either I wasn't good enough to convey what I felt and/or sufficiently move people to experience what I felt when I was laying out my soul, or I just wasn't any good at all, or I didn't have the right contacts...whatever.  The number of people who seemed to "get" what I was doing were infinitely outnumbered by the ones who either didn't care or flat out thought I sucked.  I finally reached a point where I got tired of trying.  The goal was no longer worth the effort required.  Some things in life just aren't possible, and as much as it hurt me, I finally accepted the fact that most didn't care about my music, and probably never would.  Do I still play?  Not really, but the urges are slowly coming back.  I'll pick up a guitar and slide again, and it will feel good when I do.

How does this relate to my experience this evening?  I see what the members of the dojo can do; the seniors, the beginners, and everyone in between, and I want that.  I want the knowledge they have, and the ability to control my body the way they can control theirs.  I want to achieve that focus and sense of oneness (which I did, at times, with music) with myself and those around me.  I want inner peace.  They assure me that I can do it; it just takes practice.  I may never be an "elite" martial artist, or a top level black belt.  Then again, I might.  But, I'll be damned if I'm going to give up before it becomes absolutely and painfully clear that it will not, under any circumstances, ever happen.  If they can do it, I can do it.  If Mick Foley can fall off the top of a cage, not once, but twice in single match, and then have the intestinal fortitude to finish, I can learn to do a simple forward somersault/fall.  

I want it.  I want it badly.  I want to do what it takes.  

After class, one of the newer students asked me how I was feeling.  I told him that aside from a sore neck, I felt pretty good.  Referring to my troubles with the roll, he said "Don't worry, you'll get it."  I laughingly replied, "Well, either I will, or I'll break my fucking neck.  Either way, my problem will be solved."  

Funny?  A little.  True?  Yes.  Scary?  Absolutely.  I had a tear or two run down my cheek as I was driving home.  It's been quite some time since I had to face my own inner fears like this.  

I don't want to break my fucking neck, so I guess I better get it right.

fatcatblues@earthlink.net


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12/25/02

Merry Xmas and Happy Holidays to any of you who still happen upon this site of mine every once in awhile.  I don't really have anything in particular to say, so I'll just leave it at that.  Oh, all my pets are doing quite well, as is my better half.  She's actually in Wisconsin for a week visiting her family for Xmas.  Y'all take care.  


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9/28/02

Zoey is certainly much better, and a much more pleasant ferret to be around.  I'm even considering trying to integrate her with the rest.  We'll see.

I went to see Rush last night.  Anyone who knows me is fully aware that they have been my favorite band for as long as I've been into music.  It was them, and just them, with no opening act, for the second tour in a row.  They did a total of about 2 1/2 hours of music, not including a 20 minute intermission between sets, and it was a damn fine show.  The guys were loose, enjoying themselves, and it was good to see.  

This is the first time I've been to one of their shows at a venue other than the San Diego Sports arena, and my first trip to Cricket Pavilion.  Pretty nice facility, if you ask me.  Much more pleasant environment than that horrid arena where I've seen every one of their previous tours since 1986.  There were some issues with the sound during the first set, as it sometimes sounded like it was going through an old Leslie speaker (rotating cabinets), but it was cleared up during the break, and wasn't a concern during the second half of the show.  

They opened with Tom Sawyer, which while somewhat bizarre, immediately struck me as a brilliant idea.  It is their most recognizable song, and to get it out of the way off the bat was just fine with me.  It left a bit of mystery as to what their encores would be.  While I have no intention of giving away their entire set list, that seemed worth mentioning.  They closed with something off of their first studio album, and while I can't say for certain, I don't believe I've ever heard them do it in person.  It was tres cool.  Any guesses, anyone?

One of the evening's surprising highlights was an acoustic adaptation of Resist from Test for Echo.  It was after Neil's drum solo, and was just Geddy and Alex on a couple of guitars.  It has been one of my favorite songs since the first time I heard it, and this version was beautifully subtle.  I just wish they would have done a few more songs like this.  Rush Unplugged, anyone?  THAT would be awesome.  

I'm not ashamed to say I was moved a few times last night.  There was a time or two when I was a teenager again, and nothing else in the world was as important as the effect these songs have on me.  But, more often than not, lyrics from my youth rang true with a different meaning.  Maybe this will summarize what I mean for you.

Back on the Hold Your Fire tour in 1988, I bought one of nearly every style of concert shirt the band had for sale.  I was just out of high school, working, and still living at home.  I had money to burn, and actually spent just under $100 on souvenirs.  Last night, I was hoping to at least by a program as a memento of the show.  Shit.  It was $15, and that's not quite a tank of gas these days, my friend.  The least expensive shirt was $30.  It was not even an option.  There are far more important demands on my income.  Frankly, I was lucky to be able to afford the $40 approximate cost of the ticket ($30 face value, $6 TicketMaster fee, plus at least one other "convenience charge" that currently escapes me).  My best friend paid the $8 for parking, and even bought me a $6.50 beer...which I didn't request, but did appreciate.  

This is why I almost never go to concerts.  I can rarely, if ever, afford to do so.  Hell, Todd Snider was in town some time ago, and he's one of my favorite artists.  But, the ticket price was $40, and he was opening for John Prine, so I would have gotten to see Todd play for about 45 mins, tops.  That would be at least $80 for me and my female.  If memory serves, I decided I'd rather be able to buy groceries that week.  

I'm not complaining about my station in life.  I have a roof over my head, and am light years away from starving to death.  I have everything I need, and a few luxuries I want.  There are plenty of people who can't say that.  

This concert came at an interesting time in my life.  Back when I was around 20, I told myself that I would give "making it" in music 10 years.  If I didn't get there by then, I'd try something else.  It's been a bit longer, but it seems to have come to pass.  I've given up on making my own music, for what is an undetermined period of time, in favor of allowing my creative side to try and flourish elsewhere; writing fiction.  While I realize that in my previous Thoughts entry I stated that new material was coming, I've decided that I'm tired of banging my head against the wall.  I love playing, writing music and lyrics, and entertaining people.  Trouble is, it seems that those who actually enjoy what I do make up a miniscule portion of our population.  In other words, not much of anyone gives a shit about my music.  But, that's ok.  Music will always be a part of me, but I'm not going to put the time and effort required to seriously write and record new material when there simply isn't any market for it whatsoever.  

So, this web site will evolve into something else.  I'll update it periodically.  Y'all be good.

FatCatBlues@earthlink.net


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8/5/02

Just a quick update for those of you who may be wondering about Zoey.  She's recovered from the infection, and is pretty much back to her normal self...though I believe her disposition might be a touch better than it was.  Seems she might be with us for some time to come.

Music...new material has begun to sprout.  No idea when I'll have anything ready for release, but the seeds (and a few songs) are there.  I'm considering knocking off the Coffee Plantation gigs with Ronn.  No offense to him, but those gigs are little more than some extra money to me -- and believe me, I need all the extra I can get -- and it's the way he manages to make his living.  I enjoy playing with him, and manage to get my blood going once in awhile.  But...it's starting to feel too much like a "day job," and that's not why I play music.  We'll see.  

fatcatblues@earthlink.net


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6/30/02

Well, about a couple of weeks ago, I had to deal with something that hadn't been a factor in my life since I was a child.  I made the decision to euthanize a pet. 

Sebastian was an old man of a ferret, and we got him at the same time as Zoey...a somewhat cranky an cantankerous female.  She obviously has adrenal cancer, as she is nearly entirely hairless.  We were treating it with some prescribed medication from a vet, but it turns out this particular medicine is useless on ferrets.  <sigh>  That's what I get for straying from a vet I know is good, and going with one where my girlfriend was working at the time.  Hey, there's something to be said for discounted medical care.  

They were abandoned at a PetCo over a year ago, and my girlfriend took them with the intention of finding a good home for them...not our own.  After all, we already had six.  They also didn't get along with ours; Zoey in particular was EXTREMELY aggressive towards our ferrets.  I have no doubt she would kill one or more if she could.  We wound up keeping them separated, in a different room.  Difficult and inconvenient as hell, but we had little choice in the matter.  Of course, we ended up keeping them, as there aren't many people willing to take on older ferrets, one of whom obviously has cancer.  We did find a lovely women with some kind of shelter in Casa Grande, but decided to hold on to them.  

In any case, Sebastian was losing weight, and seemed to be having more trouble getting around.  I tried to feed him by hand, and he would take a piece of food, only to put it down after trying to chew it.  So, we checked his teeth.  Poor creature...what a mess!  He had some nasty looking growths along his gum line, and the teeth themselves were in bad shape.  He obviously couldn't eat because it was simply too painful.  We discovered this after one of my Sat night gigs, so getting him to the vet wasn't really an option.  We put together a batch of duck soup (kind of a mushy protein shake for ferrets), and he actually lapped some up in periodic spurts, though not nearly enough.  We force fed him some, but didn't have the heart to do it very often.  

On Monday morning he was off to the vet, and I prepared myself for the worst.  As I said, he was an old man, and if surgery was necessary for his teeth, I wasn't sure he would make it through the procedure.  Well, turns out his teeth were the least of his troubles.  The poor old boy had a couple of forms of cancer as well, confirmed by a few blood tests.  Putting him down was really the only humane thing to do.  The vet said that in all likelihood, he would not survive any kind of surgery, and while the cancers could be treated with medication, his teeth would never allow him to eat normally.  He would have to be medicated and force-fed for the rest of his life.

Would you like to live like that?

So, rae (my better half) made the decision to let him go.  I was at work, but fearing the worst, had already said goodbye.  It was hard on both of us, but we took some comfort in knowing that while he was with us, he probably had the best care, food, and attention of his life.  These animals had obviously been abused somewhere along the line.  While Sebastian was a sweetheart, Zoey exhibits behavior indicating she was tormented by people.  She will bite, and we've both been nailed a few times, though she has gotten better.  

The hardest part in all this was wondering how she would react to her friend's death.  We thought she might follow him across the rainbow bridge, and who could really blame her?  He's the only one for whom she really has any affection.  It seems now that she might be headed that way.  She's had horrible diarrhea for a few days, and isn't eating much.  So, off to the vet she went, and I again feared the worst.  

This time, the news wasn't so bad.  She has some kind of intestinal infection, and it is treatable.  She's getting meds a couple of times a day, and seems to be doing a bit better, though she's far from healthy.  Before Sebastian was put down, she actually seemed to be getting better.  She was playing more, and was actually somewhat affectionate.  Now...well, she's in pain.  We'll see how she is if she manages to get rid of this infection.  

As a way of dealing with my loss, I wrote the following lyrics for Sebastian:

Goodbye
My friend, goodbye
I can't wait to see you again
Goodbye my friend

So long
My friend, so long
You know I loved having you here
But for now, so long

No more pain
No more pain for you
You crossed that Rainbow Bridge
Now you can run and play

You know I miss you
And I'm not the only one
She might not understand
But somehow, we'll get along

I'll see you someday
Someday again
When my time is gone
I'll see you again

But for now, goodbye
My friend, goodbye
I can't wait to see you again
Goodbye, my friend.

They've been put to music, and I think it's a great song.  The ones that deal with some kind of trauma usually are.

Til next time, keep on howlin'.

FatCatBlues@earthlink.net


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5/19/02

Rush has a new album out, Vapor Trails, and it's very different from anything they've done recently.  First, there are no keyboards on the album.  The last time that happened, off the top of my head, was probably Caress of Steel in 1976.  Second, I've only listened to this thing twice, but I don't believe there's a single guitar solo.  That's never happened before.  Very odd.

That's not to say that the album isn't good.  It is.  I'm just not yet sure how good.  It's very raw, very primal - both lyrically and musically.  That might be one of the reasons I haven't made the time to listen to this thing more just yet.  It strikes me as a deeply personal album; something not to be taken lightly or trifled with.  If you're to listen seriously, there is a price to be paid.  

As for events within my own life, I've started a movie review page, though it is still under construction to a degree.  There's a link in the bottom of the frame to your left.  I figure I go see films often enough; why not share my thoughts?  It's not like I don't have strong opinions on just about everything I see or hear.  

Still gigging with Ronn Thomas on weekends.  I don't always get the chance to update my gigs page, so if you're interested in coming out to see us, drop me and email and let me know.  


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4/23/02

Well, I find myself with a few free moments, so I thought I'd update these pages.

The revamp is coming, and I'd say that the end of June is a reasonable target date.  You might even notice a few changes before then...like this one:

http://cafepress.com/theymustdie

You might find that a bit on the funny side, or you may not.  If you do, buy something.  I have too damn many bills and not enough money!

Not much else to say.  I continue to play with Ronn Thomas every weekend, and may have something else brewing.  We shall see.  Til next time, keep on howlin'.


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4/3/02

Greetings again.  Things with Ronn Thomas are going fairly well.  We play together just about every weekend at one of the many Coffee Plantations in the greater Phoenix area.  I try to keep my gigs page updated, but don't always succeed.  Drop me a line if you're interested in coming to see us.

Now then, some fairly major news.  I'm moving my web site.  It will no longer be http://fatcatblues.com.  The new address is as follows:

http://home.earthlink.net/~toddlorenz

That also means a new emailing address:

fatcatblues@earthlink.net

And if you think I'm only doing this because I'm tired of paying for web hosting...well, you would be correct.  Times are tough around my home right now.  My girlfriend is in school full time, and working very part time.  But, bills still have to be paid, as you all know.  That money is far more important elsewhere right now.  However, this is only a temporary thing.  Why, you may ask?  Let's just say that this web site is, once again, going to undergo a major change in the near future.  I'd say no later than then end of June.  There will be more content besides music, and you will be able to shop for things besides FatCat merchandise.  Probably darn near just about everything you might want.  So, check back every so often.

Til next time, keep on howlin'.


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1/9/02

Greetings.  I hope everyone had a great holiday season.  Mine was all right.  Nothing particularly overwhelming, but it was mostly pleasant.  

I actually don't have a whole lot to say, aside from the fact that I'm gigging again.  Check my gigs page for upcoming info.  As I right this, it's mostly sitting in with Ronn Thomas, who is a damn fine guitar player and a pretty good singer.  We seem to have a pretty good deal of chemistry when we play together, so we'll see where it leads.  He and I almost hooked up a few months back, but it didn't happen.  Stay tuned and see what happens.

We now have 8 ferrets, two of which don't get along with the regular six, so they have to be kept separated.  How we got them is a bit of a long story, and perhaps I'll get around to telling it sometime.  I may also go on a binge where I take lots of pictures of them within the next few months.  I love these animals dearly, and am thrilled to have them in my life.  

Things between my woman and I are going very well.  She had some serious back troubles for about 5 months, and she has largely (though not completely) recovered.  She was out of work for most of that time, and has only recently started some part time phone work from home.  It was a tough haul, but we appeared to have made it.  

That's it for now.  Drop me a line, if you're so inclined.

fatcatblues@earthlink.net

Secondary email: 
FatCatTodd@aol.com


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6/7/01

No big news on the musical front.  I have no gigs booked, and I'm not particularly looking for any.  Should something come up, I'll probably accept, but I currently lack the drive and time it takes to get in somewhere for little money and the privilege of being largely ignored and under appreciated.  No, I'm not bitter.  

That first paragraph was a bit harsh, but it's how I sometimes feel, including the time necessary for writing this particular Thoughts entry.  I've reached the point where the rewards are not worth the effort.  I'm not giving up on music; I'm simply not capable of that.  I've tried before, only to become completely miserable.  No, I'm going to take some more time away from a strict practice regimen, and only pick up an instrument when I truly feel like it.  Something tells me my next collection of songs will be instrumentals, but I that's just a weak hunch at best.  Knowing me, I'll have something to say, and will feel the urge to express it lyrically.  We shall see.

On a lighter note, I have a new job working in the Harkins Theatres corporate office.  I'm the Internal Auditing Assistant, or something like that.  I still sit in front of a pc all day, but am making a bit more money.  I'm also now working for a company that is expanding, and places a high value on keeping both their customers and employees happy.  

For those of you who don't know, Harkins Theaters is the largest and most successful chain of movie houses in AZ.  Their roots date back to 1933, though the companies booming growth ca