Still Going

Three weeks since my last post.  I really need to avoid these absences; my apologies.  But, I do have an idea or thought I wanted to discuss.  

As I get older and look back at my life so far - and truly, what will likely end up being the meat of it - I haven't exactly had much success.  I did manage to marry a wonderful woman and have at least a few very close friends whom I trust, but I was referring more to financial prosperity.  I've never had a day job I really liked or enjoyed, and I've never made anything resembling decent money with my music.  Yet, I seem to plod on.

I'm making an effort to change things.  I obtained an Associate's Degree last year, and am in the process of getting a Bachelor's.  I'm also writing a book, though the content is dark and different enough that I am likely to use a pen name.  Musically, I had a really nice gig at Wild Hog in the Woods in February, and I thought about gigging regularly again.  I tossed out a few lines, but didn't really get any bites.  I could be more persistent about it, but I don't really see the point.  I stopped playing out - except for a few select gigs - for good reasons, which I have previously discussed.  You can check my archives if you're interested.  My next musical project will likely be instrumentals and make use of composition software to provide voices for instruments I can't play.  Will it take me any closer to where I'd like to be?  I have no idea, but it seems like the next logical step to me.  I've done a lot of blues and solo acoustic songs, and plenty of full band arrangements.  Taking a stab at being more of a composer feels right.  But, I have yet to actually start writing that material.  Other things are taking priority right now.  

Yeah, I'm getting to my point.  As I look back, I realize that I have nearly always preferred to try and make my own way, and whether the road seems easy or not very rarely has anything to do with my choices.  I was an only child raised by a single mother with a lot of help from my maternal grandparents.  I was a white kid in a small town on the Mexican/California border, which made me a distinct minority.  It's no surprise that I tend to prefer my own company and to work alone whenever possible.  But, my upbringing is just part of why.  I haven't exactly had the best luck with jobs, relationships, or people in general.  I was once very open and trusting; experience has made me more than a little bitter and jaded. 

So, I find myself now at a point where I really don't want to keep making the same mistakes.  I'm currently unemployed, but I refuse to take a job similar to what I've already done.  Financial considerations may change that eventually, but for now, I'm trying to find something more in tune with who I am.  I hope to complete this book and see if maybe - just maybe - it will provide a reasonable level of income.  I don't exactly have any reason to be optimistic about any of this, but what's the alternative?  Fall into a nasty sort of malaise and wait out my days in misery?

I'd really rather not.

Y'all be good.

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