The Eyes in My Dreams

Life, as they say, goes on.  Regardless of how happy or miserable I may be, there are still fucking bills to pay, meals to eat, songs to create, and books to write. 

Well, at least one.

I, Todd Lorenz, have successfully written my first book, and I think the plot is rather interesting.  I am fascinated with Bigfoot, and another animal/cryptid that may or may not be related, dogmen.  Think of it wolfish version of Bigfoot, though they tend to be smaller.  The first I heard of such things may have been author Linda Godfrey on Coast to Coast AM talking about one of her books.  The Beast of Bray Road documents sightings of a dogman (or dogmen) not too far from where I live.  However, stories and about these things seem to occur almost all over the globe.  For more info, read some of her work and listen to a podcast that I enjoy quite a bit, Dogman Encounters Radio. 

My book came from a fairly simple idea.  What if a kid stumbled across a dogman puppy?   What if they formed a bond?  What if they were somehow connected in ways neither understood?  That was the starting point.  I read through it again at the end of last week as part of an editing process, and I think it’s pretty damn good.  Of course, I tend to like my own work, though I am usually critical as well.  I have five people that are going to offer feedback and help me make it better.  Then I’m going to try and get it published.  I’ll look for a literary agent and maybe speak directly to a publisher.  If I get no bites, I’ll publish it myself via Amazon or something like that.  There is room for a sequel, or possibly a series, depending on how things go. 

The tentative title is "The Eyes in My Dreams."

In terms of music, my next creative effort is supposed to be a batch of instrumentals.  But, I confess that I find myself lacking motivation.  I know I’ve discussed this before, but my music “career” has been an abject failure.  I’ve written a lot of songs, most of which I like, but I have never come close to being able to making a living with it.  Frankly, I’m tired of banging my head against the wall.  It fucking hurts.  A lot.  Yes, there is something to be said for creating art for its own sake.  I’d call that a hobby.  Music has never been just a hobby for me.  I’ve wanted more from it for nearly my whole life.  Have you ever wanted something so badly that it literally hurt?  Have you ever had a desire so strong that it felt like a living thing inside you, struggling to get out?  That’s what a career in music has been for me.  At some point, the idea of continuing to try is too painful, lacks appeal, or is simply met with indifference. 

Of course, it’s possible that I may simply change my approach.  I’ve never really written songs for anyone else, but I’ve always had an eye on a certain level of commercial success.  That’s what a successful career is.  Maybe instead of just giving up entirely, I’ll just create whatever I want, at whatever pace suits me, and put it up on my website without caring about any sort of financial gain one way or the other. 

Well…until I’m independently wealthy, that last bit isn’t likely to happen.  But, instead of not caring about music anymore, I suppose I may just stop caring about success.  And yes, the optimist in me is screaming “and that’s when it’ll happen fucker!” 

My internal voice is an idiot.

Speaking of finances, I have found a day job that pays fairly well, and I don’t fucking hate it.  This is *literally* the first job I can say that about since…well, I’m not really sure.  The job at Microsoft wasn’t horrible, but some of the people were fucking idiots.  I’m working for a small company that has been around for 25 years, and there isn’t a moron in sight.  It’s a pretty good feeling.  And, more importantly, it does not involve customer service on any level. 

One more thing I want to mention. I obtained my Bachelor’s in Communications with a focus in Journalism from the University of Phoenix at the end of 2015.  I have no idea what purpose the degree will serve, other than keeping me from working in a call center for the rest of my life, but I’m certain I would have not written a book if I hadn’t gone through the process.  So, at least I got that going for me.

That’s it for now.  Hopefully, I’ll start posting entries more regularly.   

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