tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:/blogs/thoughts?p=5
Thoughts
2021-09-19T19:43:44-07:00
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
false
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/6751468
2021-09-19T19:43:44-07:00
2023-10-16T07:54:29-07:00
Goodbye Wolfenstein.
<p>Warning. This entry will include discussions of a pet’s death. I feel it’s necessary as part of my grieving process. </p>
<p>I’m starting this with links to videos and pictures of my dog: </p>
<p><a contents="https://youtu.be/5Q_uPvVeSDA&nbsp;" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://youtu.be/5Q_uPvVeSDA&nbsp;" target="_blank">https://youtu.be/5Q_uPvVeSDA </a></p>
<p><a contents="https://youtu.be/Q9tlOoayRCA " data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://youtu.be/Q9tlOoayRCA" target="_blank">https://youtu.be/Q9tlOoayRCA </a></p>
<p><a contents="https://youtu.be/EYdDQi5dZmQ" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://youtu.be/EYdDQi5dZmQ" target="_blank">https://youtu.be/EYdDQi5dZmQ</a> </p>
<p><a contents="Picture" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://scontent.fphx1-2.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/p526x296/240720305_10221121662454591_8665892663942136619_n.jpg?_nc_cat=104&ccb=1-5&_nc_sid=8bfeb9&_nc_ohc=HQqxd6Hq7owAX8Lc_HQ&_nc_ht=scontent.fphx1-2.fna&oh=806aca107450397defc22aa84a40e0f3&oe=614C2C50" target="_blank">Picture</a> </p>
<p><a contents="Picture" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://www.facebook.com/photo/?fbid=10220444288440664&set=a.3734093874316&__cft__%5B0%5D=AZWjppfGKya03WDNazeH7IwBMcq1bL1OEA0LVwQTCdlbkjgBPnVFqILG3Cge4BP4nHrOJwPdoU6XYBNn0Z8Q4IxzuLZmsXkl2NaKfY62dOWtjGcYbP-KQxu8SF52QLvXceU&__tn__=EH-R" target="_blank">Picture</a> </p>
<p><a contents="Picture" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://scontent.fphx1-2.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-9/p526x296/180109335_10220437705316090_8794872234068930554_n.jpg?_nc_cat=100&ccb=1-5&_nc_sid=8bfeb9&_nc_ohc=MqV8BH1eAMkAX_I1cdA&_nc_ht=scontent.fphx1-2.fna&oh=7b9b1c0d32090ad56290750582424dd6&oe=616C2DD4" target="_blank">Picture</a> </p>
<p>There are some great videos on my FB feed, but apparently, you can’t save or link to them because...reasons? Fuck you, FB. </p>
<p>Anyway. </p>
<p>Wolfenstein died at around 11:55 pm on Friday 9/17/21. He was about 13 years old. I say “about” because I’m not sure. My ex and I got him from a humane society in Janesville, WI in May of 2008, and we weren’t sure of his age. He was young, and while I don’t believe he got taller, he did fill out some more over the next year or so. I therefore believe he was around a year old. He was our 5th dog, and very much mine. </p>
<p>I know, I know. Five dogs is way too many. I agree, especially in hindsight. But, we did live out in the country with an acre’s worth of a backyard, so we had the space. I wouldn’t do it again, but live and learn. </p>
<p>When my marriage ended in 2019, he was the only dog I took with me. We euthanized one two days before I left, and my ex has since euthanized two more. Only Sawyer is left, and initially, we thought I might wind up with him too, but it didn’t work out that way, and likely for the best. Wolfenstein and Sawyer didn’t get along that well. Being in a house with a giant backyard was one thing. Living in a two bedroom apartment and having to be walked together, and taken to dog parks? I don’t think that would’ve been great. But I digress. </p>
<p>Wolf was healthy for most of his life. Around September of 2020, he developed what I thought may have been an ear infection or irritation from an insect bite. I noticed his scratching the inside of his ear more than normal, and when I checked on it, found some blood. He’d scratched himself bloody. Over the next few days, he stopped and his ear healed. Now I suspect it was the start of what eventually killed him. </p>
<p>The ear issue came back maybe three or four months later. I could check vet records, but that’s not the point. I took him in to have it looked at, and the vet thought Wolf had a tumor of some kind because he couldn’t see into the ear canal the way he expected, plus there was some swelling and redness. He also said the only way to be sure would be a diagnostic image, which would require a trip to someplace that could do it, and at least $1000. This was at a time when I didn’t have that much to my name. Plus, they’d probably have to sedate Wolf to keep him still, and sedating a dog that age can be tricky. I asked the vet to treat him as best he could, which he did. Wolfenstein was on antibiotics, and eventually steroids, for the rest of his life, and vet appointments roughly every two weeks. Sometimes every week. While he kept his appetite, getting him to take the pills wasn’t difficult. I’d wrap them in ham, or stick them in a piece of a hot dog. But eventually, getting him to eat wasn’t easy. </p>
<p>Around four months ago, the tumor started to swell. At its worst, he looked like he had a small ball inside his skull. But, Wolfenstein had an appointment the day it really looked terrible, so I waited. Well, it turned out the swelling was an abscess, likely caused by the tumor, and it ruptured. That was actually good because the swelling vanished as it drained, and the vet cleaned it out. The abscess would remain until he died, which prevented me from taking him to the dog park. Until then, I’d take him six days a week. Once he had a seeping wound, taking him was problematic. Inevitably, a dog would pay too much attention to it. Wolf would get annoyed and snap at the offending animal. It never caused a fight, but that was my fear. It got close a couple of times, so I stopped taking him. I’d walk him around the neighborhood myself, or let him wander around my apartment’s grassy area. </p>
<p>Until he started having hind end issues. </p>
<p>Looking back, he began having trouble getting up on tile in late 2020. It became much worse over the last three months. I asked the vet about it; he attributed it to a nerve issue that was untreatable. It apparently happens regularly to big dogs, and Wolf was around 76 pounds for most of his life. The last month or so, I put rugs in place to try and keep him from sleeping/laying down on bare tile, but he’d often find a bare spot, presumably because it was cooler. I also began seriously thinking it was time to put him down, particularly when he had a bad day, and refused to eat. </p>
<p>He stopped eating dry food three or four months ago, so I began mixing it with protein I’d make for myself - chicken, pork, ground turkey or ground beef. He stopped eating twice a day and refused any dry food maybe three weeks ago, but he’d eat meat I cooked at least once a day. He had a really bad time a couple of days before his last vet appointment, but the day after that and the day of the appointment, he was better. I discussed euthanization with the vet, mainly because I felt forced to consider it, but we both agreed then wasn’t the time. Yes, he had trouble getting up and was eating less, but he was also old. Hell, I have good and bad days. </p>
<p>The last two weeks were not good. Getting up became increasingly difficult, especially when he was on bare tile. I took him just about everywhere I went, and he could no longer hop into the back seat of my Honda Accord on his own. I had to help him a little. He’d still eat, but only once a day, at best. He slept much more. But, he was never in any pain. At least not that he expressed. He didn’t whine. He wasn’t sensitive to being touched anywhere, including his bad ear. And, most of the time, he still had a spark in his eye. If you’ve ever had an intelligent dog, you understand what I mean. There were maybe two days where it seemed to be gone; those were the ones where I wondered if it was time. But the spark would return, and he’d be what I considered his new normal. </p>
<p>And this is what bothers me the most as I type this. Should I have put him down? When I think about it as objectively as I’m able, I say “no.” If he’d been hurting, if he’d looked at me in a way that conveyed pain and/or a desire to just be done, I believe I would’ve known and acted accordingly. I have before. It’s difficult, yes, but it’s part of being a pet owner. I will admit there may have been a time or two when I thought I saw that look, but if I did, it didn’t stay long. Two weeks before he died, he even talked and played some. Not like you’ll see in his videos, but some of his sass was there, and I welcomed it. The last week? No, but he’d still go outside, walk around, want some affection, and eat. The bar was lower, but again, he was old. He also had an appointment scheduled this Thursday. I thought that might be the time, depending on how he was in the days to come. I told him we’d go sooner if he let me know he was ready. </p>
<p>The night he died, he wouldn’t walk when I took him outside. He just lay down on the front patio. I got him to get up and walk briefly in the grass, but he just lay down again. So we went back inside. He lay on the tile in my bedroom. I remember thinking if he was this bad in the morning, I’d probably put him down. A few minutes before he died, I smelled what I thought was his passing gas. I got up to take him out again, and noticed he’d crapped without getting up. Just a little. I encouraged him to get up so I could take him out, figuring he probably needed to go more. He tried to get up, and I helped him. Then he went limp. When it happened, I thought he had some kind of stroke or something, and couldn’t support himself. I think - THINK - he was still breathing. </p>
<p>My first thought was “it’s time. I need to take him somewhere and let him go.” My phone was in the living room. I picked it up and found a 24/7 emergency vet clinic close by. I called my best friend, Andrew Wilson, because I wasn’t capable of carrying Wolfenstein to my car by myself. </p>
<p>Yes, I realize that sounds pathetic, and it bothers me. But I’m 52, obese, I have asthma issues, back problems, and have had a heart issue that should - SHOULD - be resolved. Carrying 70 pounds from my apartment to my car isn’t going to happen. So I needed help. I did try to pick him up, and knew immediately that the best I could hope for was throwing my back out. Then I’d still need help, and I’d be in serious pain for a week or two, depending on how badly I hurt myself and how I reacted to treatment. </p>
<p>My call went to Andrew’s voice mail, so I texted him. Bear in mind it’s almost midnight on Friday. I felt bad enough needing help at all, much less at this time of night. After my text, I checked on my dog. That’s when I noticed he wasn’t breathing. He was gone. Looking back, my guess is the strain of getting up that last time did cause some kind of stroke, probably because of the tumor in his head, and he died. I didn’t come to this conclusion until later. </p>
<p>Andrew called me back. He agreed to come help me get my dog to the car, now for cremation. I couldn’t just leave the corpse in my bedroom, nor did dragging him outside until the next day seem appropriate. Andrew has been a big help in my life at least twice recently. When my marriage ended and I moved back to AZ, I rented a room in his house until I found a job and my own place. This is true friendship, and I’m forever grateful. </p>
<p>Andrew decided it would be easiest for him to simply carry Wolfenstein himself. By the time he got to my place, I’d wrapped the dog in a sheet and cleaned up the slight mess. Andrew accompanied me to the clinic. I filled out some paperwork, they brought a gurney out to the car, rolled my dog inside, I paid their fee, and then I went home. </p>
<p>I didn’t sleep much that night, maybe 3-4 hours. I slept well enough last night, and should be ok tonight. I cried some the night Wolfenstein died, and again yesterday. It sort of sneaks up on me and overwhelms me. I still find myself thinking of things I need to do for him, and then remember I don’t. That will pass soon enough. I also feel the need to say my memories of that night may not be the best. I wasn’t exactly thinking clearly, but I’ve done my best to be honest. </p>
<p>I don’t anticipate getting another dog soon, if at all. My ex and I had pets nearly the whole time we were together - almost 20 years - and it was the same growing up. Honestly, I welcome not having the responsibility for a while. It’s one thing when you have a partner willing to help; it’s another when one lives alone, and has an eye towards playing gigs again within the next year or two. </p>
<p>Wolfenstein was a wonderful dog, and I miss him. I will for a long time, probably the rest of my days. I sometimes thought he may have been better off with a different owner; someone more active. He enjoyed running; I don’t run. I did play with him in his youth, and when he had a huge excess of energy, I would literally take him for a trot down country roads while I drove my riding lawn mower. But he had a pretty good life, and I believe he was well cared for. He was clearly my dog, and I’m fairly sure anyone who saw us together knew that. It seemed pretty obvious. </p>
<p>I also question whether or not I should have euthanized him, but I keep coming back to the fact that, while he had mobility issues and was on medications, he didn’t seem to be in pain. Could I have been wrong? Yes. But had it been clear to me, I would’ve taken care of him. I owed him that, and more. </p>
<p>On a lighter note, work continues on a new batch of songs and a new book. Both should be released sometime next year, hopefully before June, possibly sooner. </p>
<p>Take care. </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/6631901
2021-05-16T12:48:25-07:00
2022-05-06T03:51:55-07:00
To Stream Or Not To Stream
<p>I don’t have much to share today, but I want to get back in the habit of posting regularly. </p>
<p>I do have one thought. I’ve talked about perhaps streaming regularly, and while I’m still considering the idea, I’m not particularly interested in doing so. I think I figured out why. </p>
<p>I don’t care much for watching live streams - with one notable exception, but after the time change, i can’t watch Guy Davis’ morning stream - so why would I do one? I love live music. Watching performers I enjoy is one of the joys of life. But watching online isn’t the same. Is it better than nothing? I suppose so. I’ve also gotten away from watching concert videos; pretty much the same reason. Part of it may be as I acquired a taste for acoustic artists, I was able to see my favorites in small venues. The intimacy of these shows is part of the experience. My last major rock show was Rush in Milwaukee on the Snakes and Arrows tour. I enjoyed the show well enough, but the electric guitar sound was pretty bad (not the norm for them), and the complete lack of intimacy was horrible compared to shows I’d seen from Guy Davis, Chris Smither, Dan Navarro, and Todd Snider. That vibe and feel just isn’t part of watching online. </p>
<p>However, I also understand that doing a livestream potentially exposes me to people who’d never otherwise see or hear me, and that can’t be ignored. So, the idea is in flux. Right now, my thought is to do something weekly consisting of 4 songs - 3 originals and 1 cover - but I’m not quite willing to commit to it. </p>
<p>Work on my next book and new songs continues. </p>
<p>Todd</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/6619736
2021-05-02T14:28:10-07:00
2022-05-06T22:51:48-07:00
Just a Few Words
<p>Not much I feel the need to discuss, so I’ll just start typing and see what happens. </p>
<p>I’ve been spending more time thinking about live streaming; I think it’s something I’m going to start doing once a week. Maybe more, depending on how it goes. I’ll probably bop around Facebook, YouTube, and Reddit. Not sure if I’ll settle on a single host or if I’ll consistently alternate. I discussed it some with Dan Navarro last week; he offered some tips. Thank you sir. </p>
<p>I think it’s time for a new audio interface. I’ve been using an Apogee One for years. Like, since 2008. It still works and I’m still happy with it, but I’d like to be able to record more than a single track and use more than one microphone at a time. So I’m checking into options. There are MANY. My PowerMac is the 2013 model, so it’s a bit dated, but still powerful. At one point, I wanted an interface with a Thunderbolt connection, but mine is 2nd generation, and the world has moved on to 3rd, and some devices aren’t compatible with the 2nd. So I may stick with USB. We’ll find out. I’d definitely like to upgrade. </p>
<p>I visited my mother yesterday. I go once a month, but that may change during the summer. Her dogs and mine don’t get along very well in her house, but they’re fine in the yard. The last time I visited, my dog chose to stay outside the whole time. Yesterday, he was in the house because it was about 100 outside. There wasn’t a problem, but he just doesn’t like being approached by her dogs inside. </p>
<p>That’s it for now. Take care. </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/6613508
2021-04-25T14:36:31-07:00
2022-03-14T02:14:10-07:00
First In Person Show in Over a Year
<p>I saw Dan Navarro play his first public concert since the pandemic shut everything down last night. It was a house show, which means it was in someone’s backyard. We visited before he played, and it was great to see him again. Dan is also from Calexico, and knew my mother and aunt in school. His main claim to fame is probably co-writing the Pat Benatar hit, “We Belong,” and he has a catalogue of great songs. He’s begun a 10 week tour driving around the country in a converted van; the goal was to tour safely and stay out of planes and airports. More power to him. For more, visit his website: </p>
<p><a contents="DanNavarro.com&nbsp;" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="http://dannavarro.com" target="_blank">DanNavarro.com </a></p>
<p>I have the prologue and first two chapters of my next book done. Granted, they’re subject to revision, but I like what I have and where it’s going. I find myself working on the book outside of scheduled times, and that’s a good thing. </p>
<p>And yes, I schedule time on my calendar to work on my creative pursuits. It’s the only way that seems to ensure I maintain consistency. I don’t adhere to it religiously, but having the schedule does seem to be the extra bit of motivation I need. It seems silly. Why is it necessary? There is literally no one else in my life who is affected by my schedule. I don’t count my employer; the job comes first. Duh. But it helps, so I do it. I work on music or my book six days a week. I alternate (for the most part) on weekdays, and do both on weekends. I usually take Friday night off. </p>
<p>I’m toying with the idea of streaming once a week. My current idea is to perform four songs on Saturday afternoon on Facebook, YouTube, or Reddit. We’ll see if that happens. </p>
<p>That’s it for now. Stay healthy and safe. </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/6607761
2021-04-18T19:10:30-07:00
2022-04-25T02:25:46-07:00
Keepin' On
<p>It’s official. I’ve begun work on my next book and batch of songs. In my last entry, I said I’d be writing a book based on one of my albums, “The Life & Times of Snuffy Wilson.” That’s still the case. As I type this, I’ve completed the outline, prologue, and most of chapter one. I shared the material with a book loving friend who enjoys my writing, and she likes what I have so far better than “The Eyes in my Dreams,” which she loves. I trust her to be honest with me, otherwise I wouldn’t seek her opinion. </p>
<p>“The Eyes in my Dreams” was, among other things, my learning how to write a book. I started with an idea, and began writing. I didn’t have an outline, I had some idea of where I thought things might go, and not much else. The first draft alone took a long damn time to finish, and then the rewrites began. At the time, I had an acquaintance who is a published writer, and he agreed to have a look. He enjoyed it, but damn. He trashed it hard, in terms of editing. He suggested a book that teaches how to self edit and prepare a book for publishers and/or publication, so I read that, took notes, and applied it to my work. I think that was the second rewrite, and I believe there was one more before I semi rewrote it again as I recorded the audio book. </p>
<p>Good times. </p>
<p>Looking back, I truly cannot remember how long the whole process took. I could probably find out by checking the dates on some older files, but why bother? I was learning how to do it. Oh, and of course,I tried shopping it around to agents and some publishers; no takers. That’s fine. I chose to self publish, and I will again. If “Eyes” or “Snuffy” find an audience, great. Same with my music. If not? Well, I’ll just keep doing what I need to do. </p>
<p>I also started the next batch of songs, and I suspect I’ll finally address my failed marriage at least once. The last thing my ex said in my presence was “I love you.” There’s a fucking song in there, and I’m going to write it. Yes, we spoke after that, but only via instant message, email, and a couple of phone calls. I don’t hate her or anything like that, so there won’t be any songs about what an evil bitch she is - she’s not. The marriage ended. It happens. </p>
<p>I have the beginnings of one other song, and that’s it. We’ll see where things go. My initial inclination is to have each song be just voice and guitar, like #OMOVOY was. No idea if that’s how the songs will turn out. </p>
<p>Lastly, I’ll be getting my first vaccination shot tomorrow. Whoo hoo. </p>
<p>That’s it for now. </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/6601011
2021-04-11T12:00:03-07:00
2022-10-23T22:06:28-07:00
What's Next?
<p>I completed my One Man. One Voice. One Year. (#OMOVOY) project on 3/28/21 with “Even My Shoes Got The Blues.” </p>
<p>Side note - that wasn’t the song I intended to use; I’d been practicing “I’m The King” from “The Life And Times of Snuffy Wilson,” but on a whim, I recorded one take of “Shoes” and figured I’d add it as a bonus video if I liked it. I did, but I couldn’t get a decent recording of “King.” So, I went with “Shoes,” which I hadn’t played for at least five years, maybe closer to ten. Life can be weird. </p>
<p>I started the project as an echo to “Twenty Aught Eight” where I wrote, recorded, and posted a new song every week for a year. #OMOVOY was not new songs, but instead, was videos of just me and my guitar. About a third of the way into it, I decided to add cover songs. Originals were released on Sundays, covers on Wednesdays. </p>
<p>I enjoyed myself, and it was great practice. I recorded songs I never thought I’d actually try (<a contents="Hallelujah" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://youtu.be/TcAGDUvTcj0" target="_blank">Hallelujah</a> comes to mind) and felt good about the results. It’s amazing what consistent practice and work can do. </p>
<p>Duh, right? </p>
<p>Back when I started working on “Words, Music, & Pain” in 2017 or so, I was not happy with my vocals. I had a full time job that required an hour’s commute each way, so in order to make use of that time, I created backing tracks and practiced singing while I drove. I’d try recording on weekends, and it was a long damn time before I felt like I was hearing anything I liked. I didn’t wind up keeping any recorded vocals until 2019. </p>
<p>Looking back, I wasn’t happy with my singing because I’d stopped practicing consistently for at least...hm. I’d say 3-4 years. Time starts to slip by when you focus on other things. I won’t get into them here, but my life was pretty much a mess. These days I like my singing. I’m not a world class vocalist, and never will be. But I can produce recordings I enjoy and am willing to share with the world. It wasn’t always so. </p>
<p>I didn’t license all the cover songs, so their audio files are not for sale. My material is, and right now, it’s all available as singles. I’m going to compile them into an album, and will start that process this week or the following weekend. The existing singles will disappear in favor of the album. Then I’ll begin my next creative pursuit. </p>
<p>What will that be? </p>
<p>I’ve decided to write another book, and it will be based on one of my existing albums - “The Life And Times of Snuffy Wilson.” The plot and high points of the story are already flashed out; I essentially have an outline, so I think it will be sort of like connecting the dots. I started to write it once before, but I didn’t get very far. I have no idea how long it will take, and I don’t anticipate self imposing a deadline, but if my productivity lags, I may. </p>
<p>To date, it’s been my inclination to focus on one project at a time, but I’m going to try and change that. Why? Because of what I said earlier about my vocals. It’s not difficult for me to get my guitar chops back after a layoff; singing a different story. So, I’m also going to write and practice material for the next album, but I have no idea when it may be done. I’d guess sometime in 2022. I might post the occasional new video along the way, but I’m not committing to anything. </p>
<p>So, yeah. I’ll start work on a new book and a new album. Why? </p>
<p>Well, what else am I going to do? I took a couple of weeks off after ending #OMOVOY, and while I needed it, I sometimes felt the urge to be productive. I’m 51. Time is my most valuable asset. Laying on my couch and watching TV shows/movies all weekend may sometimes be necessary, but it ain’t gonna get stuff done. And I *need* to be creative. To be blunt, it keeps me sane and happier, even when it’s frustrating - and make no mistake - creating (and recording) can be exceptionally difficult, especially when nothing seems to be going as I’d like. </p>
<p>But hey. That’s life. </p>
<p>I’ll also start posting my thoughts regularly again; I didn’t feel the need while releasing material. </p>
<p>Be good. </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/6504224
2020-12-20T16:15:36-07:00
2023-12-10T09:46:36-07:00
An Update
<p>I know, I know. It’s been a long time since I rock and rolled. </p>
<p>No, wait...that’s not quite right. </p>
<p>It’s been a long time since my last blog entry. Yeah, that’s what I meant. A few things have happened since my last Thoughts page. </p>
<p>I moved into a new apartment. There wasn’t anything wrong with the last place; it was just too expensive, and when the lease came up for renewal, they wanted to increase the rent by about $90. Nope. It was a nice apartment and I really liked the location, but I was spending too much. I took it at the end of Nov 2019 for a couple of reasons. </p>
<p>First, I was just about done with a bankruptcy. It hadn’t been discharged yet, so most places wouldn’t even consider me. After speaking with me and checking whatever he wanted to check, the owner decided he would rent to me. That was important. </p>
<p>Second, the location was almost perfect. Less than a 15 minute drive to work, my dojo and two dog parks within about 10 minutes, and about 15 minutes to my best friend’s place. Yeah, it was under the flight path of the airport, but that wasn’t much of a problem. </p>
<p>But again, too expensive. As I found out when I went looking for a new place, living in Tempe is more costly. After a couple of false starts, I found my current rental. It’s a two bedroom standalone bungalow (in a group of two rows of three) near 12th St and Camelback in Phoenix. A little further away from my job, but I’m working from home until at least July, and it seems likely that will become a permanent option. There are two dog parks 10-15 minutes away, depending on traffic. My best friend is probably about 20-30 minutes away. But, I’m no longer in the flight path of the airport, and the neighborhood is very quiet. However, my car insurance jumped up a bit, and I understand why. There is a lot more traffic in this area. And, the place is actually a little smaller than my last one; I was hoping to find something a touch bigger. </p>
<p>But, ultimately, I like this cottage better. I have a little back yard for my dog, which is nice. I still walk him and/or take him to the dog park every day (except some Sundays) because it’s important, but it’s convenient being able to let him out without having to leash and walk him. Overall, it just feels more like a home. My home. I hope to be here for a long time. </p>
<p>A HUGE thanks to my friends who helped me move. It was a tremendous help. </p>
<p>#OMOVOY continues. I’m enjoying it. </p>
<p>I’m pretty sure my next book will be “The Life and Times of Snuffy Wilson.” Yes, I have an album by that name. The book will use that collection of songs as inspiration, but I don’t think I’ll start writing (again - I started once briefly years ago) until #OMOVOY is complete. </p>
<p>The audio book for “The Eyes In My Dream” has been released. You can find a link in the table of contents of this site, or <a contents="here" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://smile.amazon.com/The-Eyes-in-My-Dream/dp/B08PKPY1YR/ref=tmm_aud_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=" target="_blank">here</a>. </p>
<p>Bye Trump. Thanks for playing. </p>
<p>Happy Holidays to all. </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/6427315
2020-09-07T14:30:17-07:00
2020-09-07T14:30:17-07:00
My New Book is Here!
<p>Well. Check this out. I wrote and released a book. </p>
<p><a contents="“The Eyes In My Dream”" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B08HH1Y39J/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_dp_PKMuFb1XGVGP2?fbclid=IwAR2kpkF8CnDKWScrEPEvltJ6qsbdTV_hC_3qgx8s1wd6wGtFrPh5IRPH0bU" target="_blank">“The Eyes In My Dream”</a> took me 5-6 years from start to finish. I discuss the process a little on the book’s page; click on the link in the website’s table of contents. </p>
<p>The audio version is currently going through audible.com’s approval process. Assuming no hiccups, it should be available by 10/4/20. </p>
<p>I’m probably going to make a print on demand version available; I plan to take a closer look at what’s involved later today. </p>
<p>One Man. One Voice. One Year. #OMOVOY continues. I’m releasing original songs on Sundays and cover tunes on Wednesdays. I hope to keep that formula for the rest of the project’s duration - last video will be 3/28/21. </p>
<p>I’m going to write another book. As I type this, I don’t know what it will be, but I have a few thoughts. I could revisit one of the characters from “The Eyes In My Dream.” I think I could do a series of books based around one of them. I could also write something to go with “The Life and Times of Snuffy Wilson.” I actually started at least twice before abandoning it. </p>
<p>I don’t have any other ideas at the moment, and I’m not sure when I’ll start. I did just release something after all, and it’s not like I don’t have things to occupy my time. </p>
<p>Oh, I did have a sort of close call with the audio book. I’ve done a few now, so I’ve developed a process. I usually read through / record a chapter, then go back and edit it - meaning I redo anything that’s necessary, remove mistakes or choose the best takes, etc. I’ll usually do a separate track for each page. It turns out I hadn’t edited the last couple of pages. I damn near put it out that way. </p>
<p>Oops. </p>
<p>Thankfully, I caught it, and only did so because I wanted to add the chapter titles to the audio version. </p>
<p>I know I haven’t kept up on my blog consistently, and I should. I just don’t always have much to say. Or, I do, but don’t feel like saying it publicly. </p>
<p>That’s it for now. Be good. </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/6400249
2020-08-02T15:32:25-07:00
2020-08-02T15:32:25-07:00
A Few Words
<p>It’s been some time since my last post. I tend to get caught up with things I prioritize, and my blog is fairly low on the list. Go figure. But, I have a few thoughts to share. </p>
<p>ACAB (all cops are bastards) has sprung up in the wake of BLM (black lives matter) and the movement to defund police. </p>
<p>Is anyone else amused and saddened by the fucking irony? </p>
<p>Isn’t lumping all of a group of people into a single category pretty much the same as racism? </p>
<p>I’m sure there are plenty of dirty and crooked cops. I’m also sure there are plenty of good ones who try to do the best job they can every day. They’re human beings. They’re fallible. They’re also not all the fucking same. And yet, there seems to be a growing number of people who hate all cops. Fucking stupid. </p>
<p>I need to have my teeth cleaned; my insurance will cover it. I also need two more root canals; my insurance will cover part of it. Take care of your teeth, kids. </p>
<p>At one point, I firmly believed the world was overreacting to covid. Now I’m not so sure. Masks seem to be required in just about any enclosed public setting, and I get it. I still FUCKING HATE wearing one because I get claustrophobic any time my face is covered. However, I have a face shield, and wearing it is no problem. Obscures my vision a bit, but I’ll take that over the normal mask every time. </p>
<p>My book should be published shortly. I’m just waiting on the cover art. </p>
<p>That’s it for now. Be good. Stay healthy and safe. </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/6374321
2020-07-02T18:58:34-07:00
2020-07-02T18:58:34-07:00
Just a Quick Blurb
<p>Man. </p>
<p>Covid is apparently kicking the shit out of AZ. I say “apparently” because I don’t know anyone who’s had it, but if the numbers being broadcast can be believed, it’s worse now than ever. </p>
<p>Am I still skeptical? </p>
<p>I suppose it depends on how you define that word. Either this thing is very real, or this is one hell of a hoax. I’ve never disputed its reality; I just thought the reaction was overblown. Was I wrong? Maybe. I don’t know for sure. I do think part of the problem is our weakened immune system; it needs something to fight and develop so that when something tougher comes along, it’s up to the challenge. </p>
<p>When I was growing up, hand sanitizer wasn’t a thing. Good hygiene was enough. Does/did it do some good? I suppose so. And clearly, our immune system alone isn’t enough. We have all sorts of vaccines that help us grow up healthy (hopefully). So, maybe I’m entirely fucking wrong. I used the word “think” for a reason. </p>
<p>I continue to make music. It’s part of what I do. Giant part of who I am. I’ve also finished the audio for my book, so I’m just waiting on cover art from a friend, and then my literary genius shall be unleashed unto the world!!! </p>
<p>Heh. </p>
<p>That’s it for now. Be good. </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/6345763
2020-06-07T17:11:35-07:00
2020-06-07T17:11:35-07:00
Fuck racism.
<p>Our country appears to be in a state of social upheaval. Oddly enough, I’ve written a relevant song. It was initially inspired by an acquaintance’s encounter with racism, and further tempered by recent events. The title is self explanatory. </p>
<p><a contents="Fuck racism.&nbsp;" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://youtu.be/K1ANpPQrZ_c" target="_blank">Fuck racism. </a></p>
<p>Seems like an appropriate use of the word “fuck.” </p>
<p>I thought it was important to share sooner rather than later. Most of the lyrics were written last year (I figured they’d surface at some point), but I stumbled across the groove yesterday. The song came together quickly. I didn’t expect to post it today; figured it would need at least a week or two of woodshedding. But, I decided to give it a shot today, and you can see the result. It’s very raw, the performance isn’t perfect, and it’s possible the arrangement may need tweaking. </p>
<p>But I think it works. </p>
<p>I ran it by a friend of mine. He agreed it was appropriate for its inspiration and the state of social unrest. </p>
<p>I’d say enjoy it, but that doesn’t quite feel right. </p>
<p>I’ve decided to try and do a few more cover songs. Stay tuned for those over the coming weeks. </p>
<p>That’s it for now. Take care. Stay healthy and safe. </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/6311676
2020-05-10T19:09:45-07:00
2020-05-10T19:09:45-07:00
Friday
<p>It’s been a little over two weeks since my last entry; sorry about that. I’ve just been busy. As you might be able to guess, work continues on my audio book (finished chapter 11 today) and on One Man. One Voice. One Year (#OMOVOY). I’ve posted 11 songs - I’ve counted 10 plus one bonus: Rebecca Black’s “Friday.” </p>
<p>Yes, that song. </p>
<p>No, I don’t like the tune. </p>
<p>Then why did I do it? </p>
<p>My new manager at work begins Friday meetings by playing the damn thing and singing along, and encouraging all in attendance to participate. Granted, it’s a virtual meeting these days, but he started doing this before covid. He’s a super nice guy and incredibly positive, so when he asked me if I’d do a version of it, I immediately said “not under any circumstances.” </p>
<p>I changed my mind a few days later. Why? </p>
<p>Because the company is huge on company culture, and I would very much like this to be the last place I work. Therefore, I’m really trying hard to fit in. Even when it means recording a version of “Friday.” </p>
<p>Could be my temperament is changing as I age, or maybe I learn from my experience. My former mother in law would have loved for me to do an album’s worth of xmas music, and my ex asked me to do it a few times. The last time didn’t result in an argument, but I made my feelings clear. I said something like: </p>
<p>“I have to eat shit and grin through most of my life. My music is the one place I can do what I want, how I want, when I want, with no compromises. Why would I do something I wouldn’t even want to listen to?” </p>
<p>To her credit, she said she didn’t understand how opposed I was, and that she wouldn’t ask again. And she didn’t. But really. Would it have killed me or hurt me in any way to do something that would have made my mother in law at the time happy? </p>
<p>No. And my ex’s parents were very good to me. I don’t maintain a relationship with them, but they have good hearts. Still, at the time, I meant what I said. To a degree, I mean it still. There is a difference between playing / recording one shitty song and doing the same with 10-12 songs. </p>
<p>Oh, and I’m opposed to xmas music because I’m agnostic. I hated xmas for many years for several valid reasons; it was only within the last 3 or 4 that I began to come around. Still, recording songs that praise the son of god would be hypocritical at the very least. I could have done non christian xmas songs, but I’m not a big fan of those either. And it would have required significant time - learning, recording, editing...it took me about 8 months to record stuff for my last album, and I love that material. Consider how much time I’d have to spend with material I don’t like. There’s a reason I don’t play many covers, and will never be in a cover band. </p>
<p>Yeah, there’s a big difference between one song and a full album. If my new manager asks me to record an album’s worth of stuff I hate, I will refuse. And not change my mind. </p>
<p>That’s it for now. Stay healthy and safe. </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/6291186
2020-04-22T17:39:47-07:00
2020-04-22T17:39:47-07:00
A Few Thoughts
<p>I thought I’d start by talking about some non-musical stuff. </p>
<p>I stumbled across a youtube video last night created by someone who totally hated the new Picard show; he thought it ruined the character. What’s more, the comments were full of people who agreed! I don’t get it. I truly don’t. And that’s all the time I’m going to spend on it. </p>
<p>I finally got Disney+ a few weeks ago. The Madalorian was pretty good. And, I didn’t know Disney owned National Geographic. I guess it’s just a matter of time until everything lives in the House of Mouse. I do like reliving my childhood on movies I don’t necessarily own, but still enjoy, along with newer classics, especially the Pixar stuff. One pretty big fucking complaint. They redubbed the voices of Darby and King Brian in Darby O’Gill and the Little People. I checked online, and while there was no definitive answer, it was apparently done a few years ago because it was decided that a new audience may not be able to understand dialogue because of the accents. </p>
<p>Terrible. </p>
<p>On the upside, I wound up buying a DVD copy of the film on Amazon for less than $7, original voices intact. </p>
<p>I just finished watching Little Fires Everywhere on Hulu. Man. Intense show full of horrible people. Folks really ain’t never satisfied. </p>
<p>#ONOVOY (One Man. One Voice. One Year) continues. Link is on the left. The most recent additions are Piece of the Moon and I’ll Be All Right. The latter dates back to the mid 90s or so. </p>
<p>I’ve finished eight chapters on Eyes in my Dream, and will probably start editing chapter 9 tonight. </p>
<p>Finally, it’s interesting to watch this whole COVID-19 thing from a distance. So to speak. Meaning I’m not paying that much attention. I’m happy to work from home, but aside from that and the dog parks being closed, my life isn’t much different. </p>
<p>From my perspective, for the most part, people got on board with this pretty early, and largely went along with the whole shelter in place thing with minimal complaint, besides hoarding. Now the backlash seems to have started. People are protesting the idea of being forced to stay home, saying it’s a violation of their rights. </p>
<p>They have a point. </p>
<p>And that’s the issue. Where is the line between a loss of liberties and the interest of public safety? I’ve gone along with it, but again, it’s not like life has been that different for me. I’ve even had a few female visitors, so I’ve managed to have physical needs met from time to time. So...in that sense, I have violated the shelter in place rule. </p>
<p>I have NOT protested publicly and obstructed the paths of others either going to work or doing their work. That’s rather fucked up. </p>
<p>Yet again, I think they have a point. At the very least, they have the right to speak up, though probably not to fuck up everyone else’s schedule. Well, maybe they do have that right, but they shouldn’t be dicks about it. </p>
<p>I don’t know where the line between public safety and private liberty is. I do know that the loss of any freedom, regardless of the reason, worries me. It’s a slippery slope. I also know the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few (thank you, Spock). And, I still think the whole thing is overblown. </p>
<p>Still, I did make one change. Since moving back to Tempe, I’ve visited my mom in CA every month. I didn’t go last month, and I probably won’t until this is over. Why not? Because apparently, this thing isn’t fatal to people my age, but it does kick our ass. I’d rather not go through it. If I had it, was asymptomatic, and gave it to her, it might kill her. That’s not a risk I’m willing to take. Thankfully, she agrees. </p>
<p>I guess that’s MY line. </p>
<p>Y’all be good. Stay healthy and safe. </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/6281572
2020-04-13T18:44:51-07:00
2020-04-13T18:44:51-07:00
Create In Place
<p>Work work work work work. Work is a good thing. </p>
<p>I don’t necessarily mean my day job, but it’s actually solid. No, I mean working on creative things to not only fulfill my artistic needs, but to keep myself occupied as well. </p>
<p>I suspect this whole social distancing thing is easier on me than most. I grew up the only child of a single parent, and a minority in my hometown. I was a smart kid (and I’m a pretty smart man, most of the time), and that further isolated me from my peers. But, I was big enough to avoid being bullied most of time, so that wasn’t too much of an issue. </p>
<p>I’m not saying this to whine about my childhood; it was pretty good, overall. No, I’m saying this because aside from having female company, my life in the midst of COVID-19 is pretty much the same as it was. There are a couple of exceptions; my dojo was ordered to close by the city of Tempe, and the city also closed their dog parks. Besides those three things and working from home, my life hasn’t changed much. I’m not aching to be out with friends, or go to a bar, or a party, or anything else like that. Yes, there were some concerts cancelled I hoped to attend, but that’s about it. </p>
<p>Essentially, I’ve been training for this “shelter in place” thing for most of my life. I’m rarely bored, and never so much so that I feel the need to post notes online saying so. When I’m not working the job that pays my bills, I’m relaxing and watching something on one of the streaming services I use, until I decide it’s time to work on my creative outlets. I created a schedule to help ensure I make reasonable use of my time. I don’t stick to it religiously, but it has helped. I’ve finished 6 chapters of my audio book, and need to edit chapter 7. I’m more than ⅓ of the way through. It’s a pretty big accomplishment, considering I started this...well, I’m not sure how long ago. A few years. I’ve rewritten it at least three times, shopped for an agent, got nothing, and finally decided to self publish. Now I’m pretty close to finishing. </p>
<p>Feels good. </p>
<p>I’m also a few videos ahead on One Man. One Voice. One Year (OMOVOY). That’s good for a few reasons. It allows me to practice on songs that need it, it removes some of the stress associated with any deadline, and it presents the possibility of writing new material. I don’t know that I will, but I can feel the beginnings of at least two lyrical ideas. That’s often where songs start for me. Then it becomes a matter of discipline; working an idea until I have something I like. </p>
<p>That’s it for now. Oh, I posted “The Ballad of Papa Chuck” yesterday morning, and I may post my first cover song for OMOVOY on Wed. </p>
<p>Be good; stay safe and healthy.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/6272943
2020-04-05T20:12:27-07:00
2020-04-05T20:12:27-07:00
Update
<p>Song #2 for One Man. One Voice. One Year. is up; head on over to my YouTube channel or click the link on the left. The tune is “Talk is Cheap” and it’s an alternate version to what was released 3/1/20 on Words, Music, and Pain. </p>
<p>The song is about some of the things I went through and learned in relationships as a young man. I may have a smidgen of wisdom on that topic. Of course, I’m in the midst of a divorce at 50, so clearly, I don’t know what the fuck works. </p>
<p>Not that I’m bitter or anything. </p>
<p>I have three other videos ready, so I’m going to release a bonus song on Wednesday. I’m committed to at least one a week, but I’m going to try and add material midweek when I’m able. So far, so good. </p>
<p>I finished recording and editing Chapter 5 of my book this week. </p>
<p>It seems like I never progress as quickly on anything as I’d like, and that’s all on me. But I *am* making progress, and that’s important. Even if I never achieve any kind of real success with my music or my book(s?), being creative is vitally important to me. I’ve tried to quit making music at least three times in my life, and it’s never worked. I became more miserable, which is saying something. So, I keep at it, for better or worse. </p>
<p>And yes, I’m foolish/optimistic enough to hope good things will happen. The only way I know to guarantee that they won’t is to not try. </p>
<p>That’s it for now. Be good. Stay healthy and safe. </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/6269039
2020-04-01T19:49:42-07:00
2020-04-01T19:52:29-07:00
One Man. One Voice. One Year.
<p>One Man. One Voice. One Year. </p>
<p>It has begun. The first video has been posted and that version of "Beauty of Our Lives" is available on your favorite music service.</p>
<p>I've committed to doing at least one video a year; first one went live on 3/29/20. The plan is to have something up no later than 11:59p every Sunday for 52 weeks. I expect to slide in additional videos during the week from to time, but first I want to have a buffer of material ready to go, just in case something happens. </p>
<p>You know. Like I catch covid-19 and die. Or something.</p>
<p>Yeah, I still think this whole thing is overblown, but I'm CLEARLY in the minority, and that's fine. I'm used to it. I've said (on FB, I think) we're two or three steps away from looting and rioting in the street - now I'd say one or two steps. The governor of AZ has issued a <a contents="stay at home order" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://azgovernor.gov/sites/default/files/eo_2020-18_stay_home_stay_healthy_stay_connected_1.0.pdf" target="_blank">stay at home order</a>, but it doesn't have any real teeth. I don't see any language about penalties, and it says "No person shall be required to provide documentation or proof of their activities to justify their activities under this order."</p>
<p>So, I'm being told to stay at home except for when I have to conduct essential activities. But if I don't, there's no penalty, and no one legally ask me to prove why I'm out.</p>
<p>That's ok by me. At least no one will ask to see my papers. We ain't the former East Germany yet. </p>
<p>Work continues on my book. I have four chapters done, and I'm going to work on chapter five after I post this. </p>
<p>Stay healthy and safe. </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/6258698
2020-03-22T21:21:25-07:00
2022-02-07T05:17:13-07:00
Next Project Has Begun
<p>Nope. </p>
<p>Don’t wanna do it. </p>
<p>Don’t wanna talk about COVID-19 or the possibility that <a contents="our Constitutional rights may be in jeopardy.&nbsp;" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2020/03/22/dont-let-constitutional-rights-be-victim-this-virus/" target="_blank">our Constitutional rights may be in jeopardy. </a> So I’m just going to move on to something positive. </p>
<p>One Man. One Voice. One Year. has begun. I technically have two videos just about ready to go, and the audio for one is already available on at least three streaming services. Oddly enough, it’s the second song I submitted to Distrokid. I have no idea why it somehow got out ahead of the first song, but I’m not going to sweat it. I’ve decided I want to have a buffer of sorts. I intend to release one video and song a week, but considering I have very little control over when the songs are actually available for purchase or streaming, I want to have two or three on standby. There’s also a chance I may do more than one a week. </p>
<p>It’s interesting to watch myself on video. It makes me more aware of how I look when I perform - and it is a performance, right? I can’t just sit there and look like some kind of robot; there has to be facial expression and some body language. While I haven’t discarded any takes based solely on video presentation, I can see where I might. </p>
<p>The first song will be “Beauty of Our LIves” which was part of Twenty Aught Eight and was originally released on 3/24/08. I’ve always loved the song, and I really like the new version. </p>
<p>Second will be “Talk is Cheap.” The original version just came out on “Words, Music, and Pain.” I intend to include an arrangement like the one you’ll see soon on the album, but I decided the recording could be better. </p>
<p>Third will be “One Last Time,” which was part of “Here I Stand” in 2004, and redone for “My Blues” in 2007. I consider this one of my signature songs, and it will probably always be part of my repertoire. </p>
<p>After that? I don’t know. It’s not like I have a shortage of material. I do have a list of songs I want to relearn before I start gigging again; that will probably be my guide. </p>
<p>I've also started the audio for my book. Two chapters are done. </p>
<p>That’s it for now. Be good, stay healthy, safe, and be kind to others during this difficult time. </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/6251761
2020-03-16T20:42:47-07:00
2020-03-16T20:42:47-07:00
Unprecedented Times
<p>The coronavirus has accomplished what terrorists couldn’t. </p>
<p>Think about that for a second. </p>
<p><a contents="As I type this, the San Francisco area has a “shelter in place” order.&nbsp;" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2020-03-16/how-the-san-francisco-bay-areas-coronavirus-shelter-in-place-order-works" target="_blank">As I type this, the San Francisco area has a “shelter in place” order. </a></p>
<p>Businesses are shutting down. Sports leagues are ending their seasons. Disneyland is closed. Artistic performances of all kinds are being cancelled or postponed. Toilet paper - fucking TOILET PAPER - is being hoarded (I truly don’t understand why). </p>
<p>All of these things are unprecedented in my lifetime. </p>
<p>I wonder how much of the hysteria and the reaction of people in general and our various governments has been affected by the news cycle and the instant connection to information provided by the internet. If the same disease popped up 10 years ago, would we have the same reaction? What about 20 years ago? 30? 40? 50? I highly doubt it. And I don’t know if that’s good or bad. </p>
<p>I do know this whole thing feels overblown to me. The only thing that gives me pause is the fact (?) that one can carry the virus, show no symptoms, and pass it along to others. If true, that almost makes this whole mess seem reasonable. </p>
<p>Almost. </p>
<p>I had another thought about this whole thing. </p>
<p>If one believes, as I do, that the truly elite (the most wealthy) in this world run it, then one must assume they have a way to control the masses. Religion used to be a huge go to. Television has been. Printed words before that. Internet now; social media and engineering. Some of these tools were once thought to help free us from tyranny, and in some ways, they still do. </p>
<p>But I don’t think anyone can reasonably deny the negative effect the internet can have, especially social media. It gives the worst of us - and the worst in us - a voice, but at this point, it’s a bit like throwing a grain of sand in the desert. Everyone has a voice, so in some ways, no one does. </p>
<p>However, most of us access it regularly for various reasons. </p>
<p>Whoever controls information potentially controls reality. </p>
<p>What if - just, what if - all of this is an exercise to see how the public responds? Or to see how easily we submit to orders which completely ignore or curtail our basic freedoms? I’m not saying this is the case, nor am I saying no one is getting sick. </p>
<p>But, the conspiracy theorist in me wonders. My suspicious nature allows the question to rise in my mind. </p>
<p>Does that even matter? </p>
<p>Not really. It’s not like I’m going to openly defy the government unless I have some need I consider urgent. It’s not like I’m going to fight against something that seems to be in the public health’s best interest. </p>
<p>And I’m not going to go down the rabbit hole of conspiracy theories; I’m sure they’re blossoming. </p>
<p>And yet, I can’t help but wonder what’s really happening. I suppose it could be exactly as it appears, in which case, we’re gearing up for interesting times. </p>
<p>But still...the most binding chains are the ones we don’t even know exist. </p>
<p>Yeah, yeah. I’m full of shit. </p>
<p>On to brighter topics. <a contents="Words, Music, and Pain" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/toddlorenz/words-music-and-pain" target="_blank">Words, Music, and Pain</a> is out and available wherever you stream or download music. </p>
<p>My next musical project will be called “One Man. One Voice. One Year.” I’ll post a video where I perform a song by myself every week for a year. I’ll be doing mostly my own material, though a few cover tunes may sneak in there. I suspect I’ll post my first video this Sunday 3/22/20, but I may wait until 3/29/20. I’ll make that decision soon. </p>
<p>I’m also going to start the audio for my book this week. I have no idea how long it will take, but it needs to get done. </p>
<p>That’s it for now. Be good. Stay healthy. Physically and mentally. </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/6241956
2020-03-08T14:42:27-07:00
2020-03-08T14:42:27-07:00
New Album is Relased!
<p>“Words, Music, and Pain” is available for streaming and download: </p>
<p><a contents="https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/toddlorenz/words-music-and-pain&nbsp;" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/toddlorenz/words-music-and-pain" target="_blank">https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/toddlorenz/words-music-and-pain </a></p>
<p>More stores should be added to that page as they carry the album. I do know it’s also live on Google Play right now: </p>
<p><a contents="https://play.google.com/music/m/Bywf4tc5jwbmoomwosxddp5fygm?t=Words_Music_and_Pain_-_Todd_Lorenz&nbsp;" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://play.google.com/music/m/Bywf4tc5jwbmoomwosxddp5fygm?t=Words_Music_and_Pain_-_Todd_Lorenz" target="_blank">https://play.google.com/music/m/Bywf4tc5jwbmoomwosxddp5fygm?t=Words_Music_and_Pain_-_Todd_Lorenz </a></p>
<p>Buy it. Download it. Enjoy it. Review it. Tell your friends. Give it as a gift. I love these songs, and I’d also like to make some money from them. Truly, I would. I’ve invested a lot of time into this project; it would be nice to get something back. </p>
<p>A friend, Erik Jensen, did the cover art for me. I love it. He also took a number of pictures I’ll be using on this website and for my next project, and I’m pretty sure he’ll be doing the cover for my book. Many thanks to him. I can’t currently afford to pay him, but he has requested some guitar lessons. I’m more than happy with that trade. </p>
<p>As I’ve discussed here, this album was a long time coming. Initially, I hoped to have it ready and have a release party at Wild Hog of the Woods in Madison, WI on my 50th birthday - 8/09/19. Yup. August of last year. There was one major problem; the venue doesn’t operate in August. It’s part of their off season. They kick things off in September. But, it was for the best. There’s no way the songs would have sounded like they do now, and I’m pretty damn happy with all of them. </p>
<p>Life works out. Sometimes. Even when shit happens that’s painful. </p>
<p>I may know a thing or two about that. </p>
<p>This week or next, I start recording the audio for my book and my next musical project. More to come on it shortly.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/6229234
2020-02-26T18:38:56-07:00
2022-04-07T03:58:05-07:00
Musical Feedback & Oral Surgery
<p>Work continues on the new songs. </p>
<p>Yeah, I know. Big shocker. </p>
<p>I reached out to a local friend - Howie Kolb - for some feedback on my most recent mixes/mastering attempts. Sometimes fresh ears can help. His did. He offered some wonderful thoughts on how to improve the overall sound. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. However, I want to give myself a day or two away from the material, then listen again on different sources. I listened some today wearing headphones at work and on my car stereo. I think some of the songs ARE ready, but some need some gentle tweaking. Nothing drastic, and everything sounds much better than it did back when I thought I was done the first time. </p>
<p>So, while this has taken significantly longer than i would’ve preferred, it’s been a valuable learning experience. So I got that going for me. </p>
<p>However, there’s a reason my next musical project is me singing unaccompanied and doing one take videos - music production is not my favorite aspect of making music. Making music is my favorite part of...well, making music. Writing and performing, and I’m not sure which is better. Arranging is a distant third, followed by recording, and then mixing/mastering. Honestly, I could live without ever doing the latter myself again, but I’m fairly sure it won’t go that way. </p>
<p>On the non-musical front, I had to have a tooth pulled Friday. It required oral surgery, and I caught a cold or the flu about the same time. May have been at the oral surgeons office, but I’ll never know for sure. I also have at least two cavities that need attention sooner rather than later, and there was a third problem I can’t recall. The tooth had to come out because it was loose, and I wasn’t going to wait for it to pop out on its own and have an exposed nerve. </p>
<p>No fucking way. </p>
<p>On the plus side, I have a great dental plan. Even so, I paid $362, and after the fact, they said it should have been more, but they did something wrong. Still, we signed paperwork, so they didn’t charge me the extra. That’s great and all, but I suspect they’re still not biling properly. I’ll check my claim online at some point. I am DEFINITELY going to insist they preauthorize any further work; I’m not having any confusion when it comes to how much it will cost. I’m not exactly rolling in money. </p>
<p>That’s it for now. Be good. </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/6218465
2020-02-17T18:46:50-07:00
2020-02-17T18:46:50-07:00
STILL Working (Seriously)
<p>The new songs are not mixed and mastered properly yet, but I think I’m pretty close. I have 3 left, but two of them are just guitar and vocals, and therefore easy to finish. With any luck, I’ll finish tonight. Then I just need to find time to listen to them - yet again - on a few different mediums. Different headphones, my receiver, my car. Probably the speaker on my phone too. </p>
<p>The bass was too loud and too...well, present...in the last mix. I hope to have remedied that by lowering it in the mix and tweaking the equalizer settings a bit. I cut out some of the low frequencies to get rid of excessive thumping, for lack of a better word. As a former bass player, it’s a bit difficult, but the songs are being featured - not any particular instrument. That means the voice has to be front and center (but not overpowering) and guitars are next in line. Drums and bass are last. That’s just how it is. </p>
<p>I know I keep talking about how I want to finish these songs and move on, but the recording and mixing process has been especially difficult this time. Why? Mainly because I have higher expectations. I realized that the last few collections recorded on my Mac weren’t mastered properly. They’re mixed ok, so that’s something. But when I compare the overall sound to that of my favorite artists, it just wasn’t close. I won’t quite be there once I’m done with Words, Music, and Pain, but I’m much closer. </p>
<p>Live and learn. </p>
<p>I’m going to wrap this up now so I can get to work on those songs. Hopefully I’ll be promoting their release this time next week. </p>
<p>Be good. </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/6211031
2020-02-10T18:42:17-07:00
2020-02-10T18:42:17-07:00
“Fewer days ahead than behind, when I wake up, I’m surprised.”
<p>AZ Music Project had a great jam session? Showcase? Whatever - last Friday night. I had someone record my performance of Hoochie Coochie man. The vocals are a bit rough at times, but pretty good overall I think: </p>
<p><a contents="https://youtu.be/LLL9XBr3hv8 " data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://youtu.be/LLL9XBr3hv8" target="_blank">https://youtu.be/LLL9XBr3hv8 </a></p>
<p>But the performance of the night came from a 16 year old girl. Dig this: </p>
<p><a contents="https://www.facebook.com/AZMusicProject/videos/539294810268775/&nbsp;" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://www.facebook.com/AZMusicProject/videos/539294810268775/" target="_blank">https://www.facebook.com/AZMusicProject/videos/539294810268775/ </a></p>
<p>I talked to Jayce a bit afterwards, and she said she wants to make a career out of singing. Well, shit. So did I when I was 16. I still do. I hope she sticks with it, and has better luck than I did. Heck, I may write a song or two with that voice in mind - something I’ve never done before - and hope she’ll record with me. I think she’s that good. </p>
<p>I also spent a lot of time working on my new songs. I’m still not done, but I can see the finish line. Yeah, I’ve seen it before, and yeah, I wound up being unhappy and made changes, and yeah, said changes included redoing most of the vocals. But I’m feeling optimistic about what I have now. I have to do 3 more; I may get them done tonight, but certainly by the end of this week. That means I hope to have them out to the world sometime on Sunday. </p>
<p>Time will tell. </p>
<p>I’m ready to move on to finishing my book, the new video project, and gearing up to start gigging again. I can’t help but feel a sense of urgency about all these things. </p>
<p>“Fewer days ahead than behind, when I wake up, I’m surprised.” </p>
<p>Here I Am, me, © 2020 </p>
<p>Y’all be good. </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/6202317
2020-02-03T17:11:35-07:00
2020-02-03T17:11:35-07:00
Still Working
<p>As I’ve said before, I’m no longer much of a football fan. However, I did watch the Super Bowl on Sunday. It was an entertaining, competitive game. Can’t ask for much more than that. I didn’t watch any of the halftime show; wasn’t the least bit interested. I made my dinner instead. Pizza using nan bread as a crust, spaghetti sauce, three kinds of cheese, and pepperoni. </p>
<p>I made the right decision. </p>
<p>It’s starting to feel like this next collection of songs will never be ready. I initially hoped to release the album on my 50th birthday, which was 8/9/19. Obviously, that didn’t happen. I decided to take my time not work without a deadline, but I kept working - with a few major distractions, as I’ve documented. </p>
<p>Work continued over the weekend. I rerecorded vocals for nearly every song. I’m still going through the process of choosing which takes are the best. Once that’s done, I get to remix and remaster the songs. Again. It was taking my time with that part of the process which led to my decision to redo vocals. I’m not complaining. It was the right decision. But at some point, you have to go with what you have or shelf it and maybe come back to it later. I could literally spend the rest of my life woking on new material and never be 100% happy with it. Does that mean I’m not entirely happy with any song I’ve recorded? Eh. Sort of. I couldn’t tell you about every little nuance that I think needs improvement off the top of my head, but I know there’s always room to make things better. Still, I actually like a lot of my stuff. So I got that going for me. </p>
<p>I won’t make any predictions as to when the new album will be ready. I will say I’ll release it as soon as I can. I’m looking forward to other things I want to do. </p>
<p>Finally, you can see my website has been redesigned, which again, I discussed within these pages. I’m ok with the basic look, but I’m not done. The same friend who designed my new album cover is going to take some pictures of me which I will incorporate into my site and will then likely necessitate a new color scheme, but the basic layout will likely remain as is. </p>
<p>Y’all be good. </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/6194695
2020-01-27T17:55:00-07:00
2020-01-28T18:59:38-07:00
Change? Fuck Off.
<p>This will be a special “I’m old, change sucks, stay the hell off my lawn” edition of my thoughts. </p>
<p>Last week I mentioned having to redesign my website. That will happen this week. I tried playing with the new host’s website builder and themes, and I don’t. Fucking. Like it. I’m sure young folks have no trouble with it, but I can’t get it to look like I FUCKING WANT. I like my current design; I can’t have it. One of the support people was kind enough to try and get it looking like what i want, and it was close, but there were little things that bothered me. I won’t go into them here, but ok, fine, I’m committed to the idea of a new look. Or at least kind of ok with it. But their tools…blech. They seem counterintuitive to me, but I fully accept that it may be just a “me problem.” Well, I’m the fucking paying customer. I should be able to get what I want. </p>
<p>Bah. </p>
<p>In any case, by this time next week, the site will have a new look. </p>
<p>On the plus side, the man who designed my next album cover has agreed to take some new pics of me which I’ll integrate into the site, but he can’t for a couple of weeks. That’s fine. I can wait. </p>
<p>Last week I also discussed redoing vocals on the new songs. I wound up doing new takes on almost all of them. Oddly enough, when one puts in the time I did practicing, recording, and rehearsing, one gets to a pretty good comfort level. For once in my life, I like the way my voice sounds, and I wanted to capture it. I haven’t listened to what I did Sat and Sun yet, so I suppose I may not like like it. But, I’ll say this. At some point, I have to go with what I have if I’m going to release these songs. I can nearly always find something that can be improved, but that’s a never ending rabbit hole. It’s kind of like letting your kids out into the world. They gotta be able to stand up on their own. </p>
<p>That’s it for now. Be good.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/6194694
2020-01-20T17:55:00-07:00
2023-12-10T09:59:15-07:00
New Album Almost Ready
<p>The cover art for my next album - Words, Music and Pain - is done. Erik Jensen did a fabulous job. As I type this, I’m unsure about whether I’l share it on this post or just wait until the album is released. I’m leaning towards the latter. </p>
<p>My soon to be ex wife did nearly all my other album covers, so it’s interesting seeing someone else’s design. I’ve kept my logo, which Rachel did. It’s too damn good to change. </p>
<p>Speaking of the new songs, I visited my mother last Sat, which means I had time to listen to the most recent mixes during the drive. Most of the songs are good to go. There were two which I thought needed some remixing, but after some thought, I decided to redo the vocals. Didn’t take that long, maybe 3 hours (trust me, that’s not long), but it does mean I’ll need to remix those two songs again. I’ll do it later this week, or this weekend at the latest, and then I’ll release the album. </p>
<p>Prepare yourself! :) </p>
<p>I’m also being forced to redesign my website, kind of. Hostbaby is moving, or was bought by, some company called Bandzoogle. I’m not exactly thrilled. I’ve been with Hostbaby for…uh…well, shit. Longer than I can remember. At least 17 years, I’d say, and having to deal with a new company I don’t know isn’t exactly welcome. It’s not a matter of “change is bad.” It’s more like “I didn’t choose you fuckers.” But, we’ll see how it goes. There are roughly 2 billion web hosting companies. If this doesn’t work, I’ll find a new one. </p>
<p>The rep I’ve dealt with (there was a small problem with my login) put together a theme that looks very much like my current one. I don’t want to change it; I just went through a redesign…what? Maybe two years ago? I suppose you could say I’m due, but I like the way it looks now, and want to keep it. If the site looks radically different between now and 1/31/20, you know why. </p>
<p>Guess that’s about it for now. Y’all be good.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/6194692
2020-01-12T17:55:00-07:00
2020-01-28T18:58:30-07:00
Just Another Sunday
<p>I don’t have much I need to say, but I want to get into the habit of updating this weekly. So, let’s see what happens. </p>
<p>I was a huge NFL fan for most of my life, but the last five or so years, I haven’t been interested. The last season I watched consistently was the year the Patriots went undefeated until they lost to the Giants in the Super Bowl. Since then, I’ve watched some playoffs, but the last 2 or 3 years, I’ve just watched the championshipl. However, today, as I type this, I find myself wanting to watch the divisional playoffs. I don’t know why. I don’t have cable, so I just bought an indoor antenna so I could watch the games. Seems a bit silly, honestly, but that doesn’t change anything. So, I’ll probably watch some today. Don’t know how much. I stopped watching every Sunday because I had other things to do that were more important. I still do. But yet, here I am. </p>
<p>I moved back to Tempe when my marriage ended because I have close friends here, including my best friend (all of whom I met through Jiyusinkai aikido), and my mother lives just the other side of the CA/AZ border. I’ve reconnected with her nicely. I’m practicing aikido again on a regular basis, usually twice a week. I’m slowly working my way back into better physical condition, and that is supremely positive. The practice is excellent for my body and mind. Jiyushinkai holds two 3 day seminars every year. One of them is in AZ, and will be in April. I’m looking forward to it. Back before I left Tempe for WI, I used to play a concert during what was then a single 5 day seminar. I’ll be doing so again this year, and it should be a wonderful experience. It’s essentially playing for friends and family, and will be my first full blown concert since 2014. I need this. The aikido and playing live. </p>
<p>Still enjoying my job. </p>
<p>Still need to review my current batch of songs. I’ll likely listen at work this week, and during the drive to visit my mother next weekend. </p>
<p>That’s it for now. Y’all be good.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/6194691
2020-01-05T17:55:00-07:00
2020-01-28T18:57:42-07:00
Starting Over
<p>Happy New Year. Merry Christmas. Yes, I know it's late. But I've been juuuust a bit busy resetting my life. </p>
<p>So, here's a refresher and quick update. My marriage ended on 9/11/19. I drove into Tempe on 10/19/19 and moved in with my best friend and his family. I will be eternally grateful for their help, generosity, and hospitality. I paid them weekly rent, but that was because of my pride and insistence. They would have let me stay for nothing. </p>
<p>I’ve also sort of reconnected with my mother, who lives about 2.5 hours away. That’s much closer than WI. We’ve always been pretty close, but the distance didn’t help our relationship. I’ve seen her three or four times since I came back, and it’s been good. Plus, she’s helped her son in the way mothers do when their children are in trouble. I’ll always be grateful to her too, for this, and many other reasons. </p>
<p>I started a new job on 12/2/19. So far, so good. It's a great company with wonderful people. I'm not going to name it because I do want to maintain some privacy, and while I'm not superstitious, I don't want to jinx it. I was actually hired about two weeks before I started, so I went apartment hunting. I found a great place and moved in on 11/30/19. </p>
<p>Take all that in for a second. In fact, let's break it down this way: </p>
<p>09/11/19 - marriage ends <br>10/14/19 - last day at my job in WI <br>10/19/19 - I move in with my best friend in Tempe, AZ <br>11/30/19 - I move into a new apartment <br>12/02/19 - I start a new job </p>
<p>That is a big, heaping load of change in less than three months. And here's the kicker. </p>
<p>I'm kind of happy. Probably happier than I have been in years, mainly because I've legitimately hated every job I've had for at least the last decade. That's a bitch. Yes, I had issues within my marriage, but I still loved my wife. She was much more good than bad. We just realized our marriage wasn't going to work. </p>
<p>I don't hate my current job. I kinda like going to work. I live about 6 miles from it, about 8 miles from my best friend, and 2 miles from my dojo. At the moment, life is pretty good. </p>
<p>New music is coming. I finished about 99% of the recording before I moved. I’ve made a few minor tweaks, but the major obstacle has been learning to properly mix and master the recordings. That seems a bit odd coming from someone who as previously released over 100 songs - all of which I recorded, mixed, and mastered on my own - but I’m trying to get these recordings to sound closer to what I hear when I listen to my favorite artists. It’s not easy. I thought I was there until I listened to the songs in my car, and discovered I didn’t like the mix and the vocals were way too loud in nearly every song. So, I had to remix and remaster. I think I’m done, but I want to leave the songs alone for a few days and then listen to them on a few different devices before I make a decision. </p>
<p>The album will be called “Words, Music, and Pain.” A friend here in Tempe is doing the cover, and I love his design. Very cool. </p>
<p>Once I’m done with the new music and the album has been released into the wild (world, whatever), I’ll get back to finishing my book. I want to record the audio version before I release the e-book, and while I do that, I’ll make any corrections and revisions I think are necessary. I don’t have a timeline in mind, but I will work consistently on it. </p>
<p>The next musical project will be kind of a video version of Twenty Aught Eight. In 2008, I wrote, recorded, and released a new song every week. This time, I’m going to post a video every week for a year. It will be just me playing and singing; live recorded video - no overdubs of any kind. I’ll be performing songs from my catalogue, a few covers, and maybe a new song or two. I’m tentatively calling this “One Man. One Voice. One Year.” One of my first thoughts for a name was “One Man. One Voice. One Guitar. One Year.” However, I think it’s too long, and my literal mind says it’s not accurate. Yes, I’ll be playing one guitar for each video, but I’l be using different guitars, depending on what I play. But, I haven’t committed to a name yet. </p>
<p>That’s where I am. Moving forward, I plan to start blogging on a weekly basis again. </p>
<p>Y’all take care.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978440
2019-10-18T17:00:00-07:00
2019-11-26T11:45:17-07:00
Major Change
<div id="i4c-draggable-container" style="position: fixed; z-index: 1499; width: 0px; height: 0px;">
<div class="resolved" style="all: initial;" data-reactroot=""></div>
</div>
<p>My marriage is over.</p>
<p>We’ve been having problems for some time. Years, in all honesty. But the last straw happened on 9/11/19. We got in to an argument. Afterwards, I asked her if she wanted me to leave. She said “yeah.”</p>
<p>I’ve endured the worst part; it took about a week for the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach to stay away. Considering we’ve been together for 19.5 years, that actually seems too easy. It lends credence to the idea that we hung on too long.</p>
<p>I don’t want to get into details. I’m usually wide open and brutally honest about my life and my feelings within these pages, but this defines “personal.” I may share more with those closest to me, but probably not. Marriages end. It happens. I didn’t expect it to happen to me, but I can’t say I’m surprised.</p>
<p>(warning…this is where there may be self pity and/or bitter truth)</p>
<p>If I look at my life objectively, it’s not difficult for me to say I’ve failed at nearly everything I’ve tried. Yes, I’ve done some good things and accomplished a few goals, but the list seems terribly short. Even my Twenty Aught Eight project where I wrote, recorded and released a new song every week for a full year didn’t do what I hoped. It didn’t even come close. I wanted it to give me a real start to a solid career in music.</p>
<p>Nope.</p>
<p>Didn’t happen.</p>
<p>Yes, I wrote 52 songs, some of which I love dearly - and some don’t hold up that well - and yes, I learned a lot about the crafts of songwriting, arranging, recording, mixing, etc. But in the end, the true goal wasn’t met. Does that make the whole thing pointless? Of course not. But, it was a failure.</p>
<p>Every romantic relationship I’ve had has ended, usually poorly. At least with my marriage, we’ve remained civil. As I type this, I’m still living with her. More what’s next later. I suppose every relationship is pretty much doomed to failure, unless you happen to find someone that ends up being a life mate. I thought I had one. I waited until I was 33 to get married; I felt good about the decision. 17 years later, I’m going to be divorced, on the downside of my life, with almost nothing to show for my 50 years on this planet - in terms of success.</p>
<p>Yes, I’ve written many songs, and a book. The book isn’t published yet; I expect it will be sometime next year. I can’t say for sure when partly because I don’t know when I’ll have access to a decent recording space for the audio book. But nothing I’ve done has brought me anything even resembling financial success or security. Does it have to? I suppose not. I’ve proven I’ll keep trying, even after I “quit.”</p>
<p>But god fucking dammit. It would be nice to do something I enjoy for a living; something I’m passionate about. I figure I have maybe 20 years of life left; I better get busy and put stuff out there if it’s going to happen.</p>
<p>I’ve had difficulty maintaining platonic relationships. I can think of maybe four people I consider close friends; none of whom live in WI. They’re in AZ, CA & WA.</p>
<p>That’s right. I’ve lived in WI for 13 years, and I haven’t made a single friend, much less a close one. That’s sad. It says a lot about me. On the plus side, I don’t think I have any enemies - people who actively seek to do me harm, so I guess that counts for something.</p>
<p>I could go on about those issues, but I don’t see the point. I’m not as depressed or miserable as this may sound. In fact, I’m cautiously optimistic about what comes next. Why?</p>
<p>I’m moving back to AZ. I’m not sure if this will post before or after I get there. I started typing it on Wed 10/9/19 because I wanted to say my piece before I packed away my Mac, and I don’t know when I’ll find the time and motivation to begin posting regularly again. In any case, my last day at my job will be Monday, 10/14/19. I’m going to start driving back to AZ on Wed 10/16/19. Google Maps states the drive takes 26 hours; having just made it in January, that’s about right. I’ve done it 4 or 5 times over the years, maybe more. It usually takes me 3 days and 2 nights. I’d really like to get to Tempe sometime Friday night, but we’ll see. I’ll be staying with my best friend and his family; I’ll keep his name private for now. If it wasn’t for their generosity, I have no idea what I’d be doing. I’d figure it out one way or another, I suppose.</p>
<p>My current plan is to stay with them until I get a job and have enough money to get my own place. Hopefully, it will be sooner than later. I don’t want take advantage of them or wear out my welcome, and I’m probably difficult to live with. How long will it take? I have no idea.</p>
<p>I’ve been applying for jobs for a couple of weeks now. I’ve had a couple of nibbles, but no offers. Ideally, I’ll start working Monday 10/21/19, but that seems unlikely. It seems like the best I can hope for is to set up interviews.</p>
<p>So, this is me. I’m 50, divorcing, unemployed soon, able to put everything I own into a Honda Accord, and I don’t have enough money to rent an apartment.</p>
<p>Yeah, it could be worse. It could also be better.</p>
<p>I won’t be bringing much with me. My guitars and accessories, my Mac, two monitors (I hope), clothes, my receiver and speakers (again, I hope), a couple of posters, some pictures, maybe some movies and CDs, and my dog. Yes, we have 5, but only 1 is truly mine, and my friend is letting me bring the dog into his home.</p>
<p>So…wait…didn’t I say I was cautiously optimistic? Why?</p>
<p>Because I’m going back to a place where I have close friends, and as I’ve said, I don’t make them or keep them easily. I’m also starting over in many ways, and while it’s intimidating, it’s also freeing, and allows for hope to creep into places where it hasn’t been for some time.</p>
<p>You know what hell is? The absence of hope. While I was getting my degree, I had an assignment that required me to write a one act play. I think it’s exceptionally powerful, but I don’t know if I’ve ever shared it on this site. I may at some point. And who knows? Maybe it will see production in some form. It would be interesting. It’s called Hell, and you can guess why. Even back when I wrote it in 2014 or 2015, my marriage and life had serious issues. Maybe I’m finally working through them.</p>
<p>Maybe I can actually learn lessons from my mistakes, and maybe I can live out the rest of my life with some sense of peace, a bit of happiness, and maybe.</p>
<p>Just maybe.</p>
<p>Some hope.</p>
<p>New music is still coming, so is my book.</p>
<p>Thank you for reading this, and for whatever support you’ve given me.</p>
<div id="i4c-dialogs-container"></div>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978439
2019-08-18T17:00:00-07:00
2022-02-07T05:20:08-07:00
Some Rambling, Semi-Coherent Thoughts
<p>I have at least two things I want to discuss this week.</p>
<p>Work continues on my latest batch of songs. I’ve moved to guitar solos and vocals. But, this isn’t what I want to discuss.</p>
<p>People often say “life is precious.” Is it really? I suppose it is, depending entirely on your perspective. But, every life certainly isn’t precious to everyone, nor should it be. Was Hitler’s life as meaningful as Ghandi’s? If you’re a nazi, probably more. But most of the world doesn’t think so. At least I hope not.</p>
<p>All life ends. Some have longer lives than others. Some are cut short by what we consider unnatural circumstances…accidents, murders, etc. But, if one believes in fate, are any deaths unnatural?</p>
<p>Why are some lives more important than others? Did Steve Jobs’ life have more value than the person who waited on you the last time you had fast food? Most say yes; Steve changed our way of life with various devices, or had an important hand in them. But what about those who love the fast food worker? And really, how important is a Mac, iPhone, iPod, or iPad?</p>
<p>I don’t think I have an answer, and I don’t think I’m formulating my thoughts very well. Maybe I’ll try again another time. It could be that because I turned 50 on 8/9/19, I’m questioning my values and those of the world.</p>
<p>Whatever. I’ll move on to the other topic.</p>
<p>I’ve noticed a serious lack of tolerance and leaning towards, or agreement with, violence in social media lately. Well. It’s always been there. But the antifa thing is relatively new to me. I believe and understand we’re a violent species. As civiil and evolved as we like to say we are, it doesn’t take much for people to devolve into violent creatures. Antifa is a good example.</p>
<p>Look. I’m not a racist, nazi, nor anything similar. But I believe in free speech. People who have opinions or belief systems I don’t agree with have it as well. Including racists and nazis. As long as they don’t do or preach anything illegal, they are free to share their beliefs and try to convince others to join them.</p>
<p>Your disagreeing with someone’s point of view, no matter how repugnant, does not give you the right to physically attack them.</p>
<p>However, if someone attacks you, or threatens to do so, you have the right to defend yourself. I would. Without a doubt. But it’s one thing for someone to say they support white power, think Hitler was right, or that any race is lessor than another; it’s something else to advocate violence and murder and take steps towards it.</p>
<p>I suppose it’s a fine line. I’ll try another example.</p>
<p>Consider the Red Scare. Look it up if you aren’t familiar. On the surface, I have no problem with communists in any country trying to convert others to their philosophy. Yet, people were persecuted and blackballed if anyone thought they were communist or communist sympathizers. Today, many people openly endorse socialism.</p>
<p>How far we’ve come.</p>
<p>I believe capitalism is the way to go, though it’s certainly not perfect. No system involving people is; we’re imperfect creatures. But that’s not the point. If I decide that communism is the best economic model for our country, why should my beliefs be met with violence? If I believe the “white race” should be allowed to separate themselves, why should that get me attacked?</p>
<p>SPOILER: Once again, I’m not a racist, not a separatist, and I don’t believe in “white power.”</p>
<p>However, I understand human beings are tribal and naturally tend to associate with those who are similar. That’s fine. Nothing wrong there. But we can get past it. But we won’t do it by threatening others and violence. You want proof?</p>
<p>Let’s assume, for a moment, that our presidential elections are honest. This country elected its first president with African-American roots. People rejoiced. They thought change was coming. Never mind whether it did or not. But, what happened when that president served out his second term?</p>
<p>The country elected Trump.</p>
<p>I’m not a fan. But, if the election was honest, what does that tell you?</p>
<p>I’ve heard people say racists and nazis are fare more open with Trump in the White House. I don’t know if that’s true. I do know Trump is the most divisive president of my lifetime.</p>
<p>And as I’ve said before, if presidents are selected, that divisiveness might be the point.</p>
<p>Yeah, I’m still rambling some. I’ll try to wrap this up.</p>
<p>Don’t be violent. Don’t be a prick. Don’t be a fucking asshole - until it’s necessary. And it’s very rarely necessary based on words alone.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978438
2019-07-28T17:00:00-07:00
2019-07-29T11:07:14-07:00
Not Much
<p>I don’t have much to say, but I’d like to get back to posting something every week. So, let’s see what happens.</p>
<p>Work continues on the new songs. As I said last week, they won’t be ready on 8/9/19, and I’ve made peace with it. There’s a lot of turmoil in my life right now, and while I still find time for music, it’s not as much as I’d like, and I’m not putting out these songs before they’re ready.</p>
<p>I did put up a video of a new song, For A Little While. You can take a look/listen, and read about its negative reaction here:</p>
<p><a href="http://toddlorenz.com/thoughts/what._a._day./" target="_blank">http://toddlorenz.com/thoughts/what._a._day./</a></p>
<p>I don’t know when my book, Eyes in my Dream, will be ready. I want to finish the songs first, and as I said, there are other things taking up my time.</p>
<p>Yeah, that’s it.</p>
<p>Take care.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978437
2019-07-21T17:00:00-07:00
2022-02-07T05:30:49-07:00
Delay
<p>I planned on releasing my next collection of songs on my 50th birthday, 8/9/19. As much as I like that idea, I don’t think it’s going to happen.</p>
<p>There are two good reasons.</p>
<p>First, I don’t think the songs will be quite ready. I’ve become rather picky about what I consider to be an acceptable recording, and different arrangement ideas are percolating every now and again. So, rather than rush my work because of a self-imposed deadline, I’ll proceed at my own pace and put them out when they’re ready. And, I’ve recently learned that I haven’t been properly mastering my songs in Logic Pro X. I need to figure out how to do so, and I’m sure that will take some time and practice. But why rush? It’s better to do it right and be happy (or as happy as possible) with the finished product.</p>
<p>Second, I’m going through some difficulties. As transparent as I tend to be within these pages, I’m not discussing these problems. At least, not for now. Afterwards, once they’ve been resolved, maybe. For now, suffice it to say I have less time to spend on my music than I’d like. Significantly less.</p>
<p>But, the issues won’t last forever, and I figure I’ll have the songs done no later than the end of the year. Then on to recording my audio book so I can get it and its source released.</p>
<p>Yup.</p>
<p>Good times.</p>
<p>Be good.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978436
2019-06-30T17:00:00-07:00
2019-07-01T10:38:56-07:00
Yup. Still here.
<p>I’ve lagged with my journal posts again, but I have a couple of reasons. They might even be good ones.</p>
<p>First, I’ve been far more interested with working on my music. The only reason I’m doing doing it instead of typing this is I’m feeling tired and a touch burned out - not on my music, really, but on the level of focus it requires. I haven’t really done it consistently since about 2014. Yes, I just completed a collection of songs for my wife, but I wasn’t working with a deadline, and for whatever reason, there wasn’t a sense of urgency. Plus, I’m dealing with a high level of stress right now. Nothing I want to discuss here, at least not yet. Suffice it to say that sometimes, I need a night off and the chance to just let things go. Or least try to do so.</p>
<p>Second, I haven’t had much to say. I don’t right now, actually, but something did come to mind yesterday.</p>
<p>I go through spurts where I strongly desire new guitars. Back in 2008, I really wanted a telecaster, and I wound up with a Taylor electric. It’s a great tool, but I still kind of want a tele. But, the strongest urge I have now is for baritones guitars - one acoustic, one electric.</p>
<p>I have two CA Guitars, both of which I’ve treated as baritones at different times. Right now, the OX Raw is active. But, I’d like an acoustic designed and built as a baritone, and I came very close to buying an Emerald baritone guitar last January. Instead, I chose to take a vacation where I visited friends and family in AZ and WA.</p>
<p>It was the right choice. I hadn’t seen those people in a decade. But, I still want a proper acoustic baritone.</p>
<p>Having a baritone electric would be nice, but it’s not a necessity. Hell, neither is the acoustic. If either was, I would’ve found a way to get it.</p>
<p>I’ve also been exploring MIDI options online. If you don’t know what it is, I’m not going to explain it, partly because I don’t thoroughly understand it myself. Suffice it to say that having the right tool would allow me access to literally any sound I want, with the ability to play them using a midi keyboard or even one of my guitars. However, the more I investigate, the more I realize I’m not prepared to invest the time or money. I’d rather focus on being the best songwriter I can be and use the tools I have. I may change my mind, but probably not for album I’ll release on 8/9/19.</p>
<p>That’s it for now. Be good.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978435
2019-06-02T17:00:00-07:00
2019-07-29T11:08:14-07:00
What. A. Day.
<p>My day started with the following email. I’m not including the man’s name.</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">"Hello Todd, </p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">My name is (removed) and I am one of the judges for the contest. I have been a song writer and a performing musician for about 40 years. I was disappointed and disturbed by your video. I am the last person to what to censor someone. I think you should be able to express yourself freely, but with that comes consequences. I don’t know if rape and child molestation are your thing or you just think it’s funny? Either way your a sick fuck and need help. With that being said You out of the contest. Please seek the help you need. </p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">By the way your song sucks..."</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span style="font-family: times, serif;"></span></p>
<p>Except for the removal of his name, that’s verbatim. I copied and pasted the text. His email is a reaction to this video, which I recorded specifically for a songwriting contest I won’t name:</p>
<p> </p>
<p><iframe frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/rK2yJmFH0Dk" width="560" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Just so there is no confusion about what I’m singing/saying, here are the song’s lyrics:</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">Pretty little girl with a short skirt on<br>She was mine, now she's gone<br>Now she's gone<br>She loved to dance, loved to sing<br>I was her God, I was her king<br>She called me her king</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">tied her down<br>Had my way<br>Kinky lust<br>Pleasure and pain<br>She took it all<br>With the sweetest smile<br>She loved me<br>For a little while</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">I took her home, gave her a life<br>Then one night she went for a knife<br>She went for a knife<br>I had no choice, we had to part<br>Put her out, it broke my heart<br>It broke my heart</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">I didn’t know <br>How hurt she was<br>Every diamond <br>Has its flaws<br>We were happy<br>We were wild<br>We had love<br>For a little while</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">Pretty little girl with a short skirt on<br>She was mine, now she’s gone<br>Now she’s gone</p>
<p>The song is NOT about rape, nor child molestation. As I say in the video, it is based on a true story. I will add it involved a consenting adult. I wasn’t planning on explaining the song’s meaning - it’s art, and open to interpretation - but because someone (multiple people; I’ll get to that) was so far off base, I feel the need to spell things out.</p>
<p>The song is about a brief, passionate relationship. We had kinky sex; I won’t elaborate, except to again say everything involved a consenting adult partner. The bit about her going for a knife? She was out of her mind after combining anti depressants and alcohol and tried to run out of the house naked. I stopped her, and she reached for a knife. That was the end of our relationship because I felt I could no longer trust her. I put her out, meaning I made her leave, and it did indeed break my heart.</p>
<p>Now then. Do I see how someone could interpret those words and come up with raping a child? Sort of, but I think it’s a serious reach. The phrase “little girl” is not meant to imply she was a child; men often refer to their adult companions as little girls. Hell, girlfriend is standard reference, regardless of age, and she happened to be short - so in the literal sense, she was a little girl. Not a child.</p>
<p>I use the words love, kinky lust, pleasure and pain, and talked about how she took it all with the sweetest smile. That doesn’t say “rape” to me. I talk about not knowing how hurt she was; that’s a reference to her being raped BEFORE we met, while she was a child. It affected her; it’s why she dulled her paid with medication and alcohol, and why I say “every diamond has its flaws.” She had issues; at the time, I didn’t fully understand how deeply they affected her.</p>
<p>The judge and I exchanged a couple more emails. I did not explain the song as I have here, other than to say there was no child and no rape. He apologized for insulting me, but also said that he had multiple people watch the video and they all had the same interpretation. That surprises me, but I don’t see why he’d lie.</p>
<p>I love this song. I’ve called it the best thing I’ve ever written. It’s deeply personal, I like my vocals, it’s brief, but poignant. At least, that’s what I thought. I’m not exactly impartial. And while I can handle being rejected for just about any reason - let’s face it, I’ve had far more rejection than success; maybe that’s most of us - being labeled a child rapist is a difficult pill to swallow, and it’s been bothering me all day. I suppose I could write a song about it, but that feels like going too far down the rabbit hole.</p>
<p>No, I suspect discussing it here will suffice. I hope.</p>
<p>I’ll add one more thing. My wife called me when she got home because there was a kitten in our driveway and wanted to know what to do. We both knew having another cat was NOT an option. We currently have 5 dogs and 5 cats. It’s too many; we know it. We’re not adding. We decided she’d take the kitten to the local humane society, though they were closed. If no one was there, she’d take it to our vet because she said it was obviously sick, though friendly. I was willing to pay for its care and either have them find it a home, or take it to the humane society later. Thankfully, someone was there, and they took the kitty. Rachel gave them $40 to sponsor the kitten and named her Lilac.</p>
<p>This was a rough topper for my day. I have a very soft spot for animals, and not taking this one in hurt. I know we did the right thing, but this was the straw the broke the camel’s back, so to speak, after a horrible start and a long day at work.</p>
<p>I cried. Sitting in my fucking cubicle. I cried about a kitten who somehow found its way to my home, ran up to my wife for help, and I had her take it elsewhere. What if that kitten was there for a reason? Well, what if the reason was so that we’d see it gets proper care instead of wandering out onto the busy country road we live on? I cried as a stress reliever for a particularly shitty day with a horrible fucking start.</p>
<p>Am I embarrassed to admit it? A little. I’m an emotional man, but I don’t often cry in public. I wasn’t wailing like a scared child; I was quiet. But my wife could tell when she got me on the phone to let me know what happened with Lilac; of course she could.</p>
<p>That’s it for now. Be good.</p>
<p> </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978434
2019-05-26T17:00:00-07:00
2019-05-27T07:39:21-07:00
Still Going
<p dir="ltr">I missed my entry last week. Just flat out forgot. Sorry about that.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Yet, I don’t have much to report this week. Work continues on the next batch of songs. I’m still enjoying myself, playing with different arrangement ideas, particularly with drum parts. As I’ve said before, I plan on doing alternate arrangements of at least some songs, and in one case, at least one with a different last verse. After all, they’re my songs. Why not do whatever I want with them?</p>
<p dir="ltr">I’d also planned on working on my audio book. I did start, but in all honesty, I was not happy with what I heard when I listened. It’s going to take more work than I expected, and I tend to do better when I focus on one thing at a time. Yet, once I’m done with the next batch of songs, I have another creative musical project I want to start. However, I don’t expect it to take as much time, so I’ll be able to devote some to my book.</p>
<p>My goal is to release my next album on my 50th birthday, 8/9/19. I was going to say I have plenty of time, but really, that’s just over two months. That’s not much time at all.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Shit. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I better step it up a bit.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I hope to have the book available by the end of this year. </p>
<p>That’s it for now. Be good.</p>
<p> </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978433
2019-05-11T17:00:00-07:00
2019-05-12T11:05:31-07:00
Time
<p dir="ltr"><span>Life being what it is, I just took 4 days off from working on my new songs. It began Thursday, where I was just tired and took the night off. Friday night was pretty much the same. Saturday, my wife and I did yard work, and Sat night has become wife night, which is fine - she wants my company, and I want hers. Today, Sunday, I was sore from yard work, including a recurring back issue, so I didn’t do much of anything. These last few days illustrate a lesson I know, but clearly don’t heed as well as I should.</span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>I could have, and probably should have, continued my work last Thursday and Friday. Even if I had to stop after a half hour, that would have been 30 minutes of progress. Time is valuable, especially at my age. Most don’t know when they’re going to die, including me, but I’m sure I have fewer days ahead than behind. Therefore, wasting time, for any reason, seems foolish. The old saying “never put off until tomorrow what you can do today” rings true.</span></p>
<p>Still, the days weren’t a total waste. I worked on vocals during my commute Thursday and Friday, which means about 4 hours’ worth of practice - maybe closer to 3.5, considering I usually eat breakfast during my morning drive. That’s called making good use of time, so at least I got that going for me.</p>
<p>As I’ve said recently, I usually spend Monday nights watching WWE and updating my journal. It seems I’ve begun doing the latter Sunday evenings, so I may again blow off wrestling in favor of music. Considering I haven’t worked the last 4 nights, that seems likely. Guess I’ll find out tomorrow.</p>
<p>Finally, I really like my new material - specifically the six songs I have on my phone and practice while I drive to and from work. I have some really great stuff, perhaps the best I’ve ever done; though I admit, I always think that about my most recent material. Still, I feel like the songs are just better. </p>
<p>That’s it for now. Be good.</p>
<p><span> </span></p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978432
2019-05-04T17:00:00-07:00
2019-05-05T04:28:26-07:00
Songs and Avengers
<p dir="ltr"><span>Sorry I missed my entry last week. My typical Monday night involves half watching Monday Night Raw while I update my journal and do a few other things. This past Monday I chose to work on music because I didn’t do a damn thing on Sunday. My wife decided she wanted to see the most recent Avengers film Saturday night, and the only tickets we could get were for a 12:30a show late that night/Sunday morning. The theater was an hour’s drive from home, so I was effectively up all night, and at my age, that means I wasn’t worth a damn on Sunday, which meant no music. I felt it more important to work on my songs than follow my normal routine. </span></p>
<p>Speaking of Avengers, I thought it was ok. There were great moments, and the ending was damn good - but on the whole, I think Infinity Wars was better, and I thought it was a little better than ok. I can’t point at anything specific that took away from my enjoyment. I just didn’t think it was that great. Truthfully, I may be suffering from burnout on superhero movies. I still think the first Avengers film is the best of the lot, but I don’t give it much thought. The only other film I know I want to see this summer is the new Godzilla movie, and I expect to be disappointed. Still, it’s Godzilla. I gots to go.</p>
<p>I’m fairly certain I’m done writing new songs. Fourteen is the count, but I don’t know all of them will make the cut, and it’s possible something new may pop up. I’ve done some recording and have a few tracks that are keepers, but I’m also doing something new. I’m putting rough drafts of songs on my phone without vocals and I practice singing during my commute. I expect the songs to benefit on a few levels. Better vocals, and listening so often helps me hear things I wouldn’t otherwise. Things I want to change, keep, whatever. It’s a good idea and I’m glad I thought of it.</p>
<p>That’s it for now.</p>
<p><span> </span></p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978431
2019-04-21T17:00:00-07:00
2019-04-22T11:45:22-07:00
Feeling Like a Teenager
<p>Work continues on the next album. I think I might be done writing, and I may have 14 songs. We’ll see.</p>
<p>I want to discuss something I don’t talk about much within these pages. I’m a wrestling fan, specifically, a WWE fan. I started watching sometime around late 1986 or early 1987, stopped in 1993, started again in 1996, and stopped again in 2000. I didn’t start again until 2012, and I’ve been watching pretty consistently since. Last Saturday, I went to my first live event since 1998.</p>
<p>I had a blast. It was almost like I was a teenager again.</p>
<p>It was what’s known as a house show, meaning none of the matches were on live TV or PPV, nor were they recorded for the purpose of showing them on any TV show. The matches didn’t really mean anything, in terms of title changes or progressing feuds, but the performers were more free to interact with the crowd. They didn’t have to worry about commercials, going too long, or not long enough. Nearly every performer I saw was very good at what they do, though the ones who have been around for years, either on the independent scene or in the WWE, are a cut above. Only a couple who are relatively new stuck out as not quite average, and that’s fine.</p>
<p>Wrestling has cultish fans, and one of the advantages of attending a house show is that the wrestlers are more likely to sign autographs and take selfies with those sitting along the guard railing. Becky Lynch, Kofi Kingston, and Xavier Woods all spent at least 20 minutes each doing so. Lots of people were thrilled. Me? Nah. I’m 49, and I don’t care much about autographs or selfies. I did take a lot of pictures during entrances and exits; a link to the photo album is at the end of this post.</p>
<p>I won’t go on much longer about it; this isn’t really the place. I’ll finish by saying yes, I know the outcomes are predetermined. I don’t like the word “fake” as it relates to wrestling. Injuries occur regularly, and people have died in the ring. It’s a risky occupation, and to call it “fake” demeans it. TV shows, movies, and plays all forms of entertainment other than sports - have predetermined outcomes, but people usually don’t call them “fake.” Is wrestling always good? No. Nothing is. But, at its best, I find it as emotionally moving as any great piece of art. I’ve cried a few times during matches, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.</p>
<p>Ok, that’s it. Next week, I’ll go back to talking more about music and related plans. Here’s a link to the pictures I took and saved:</p>
<p><a href="https://photos.app.goo.gl/w2pUcLBWC3Mfxq2h6" target="_blank">https://photos.app.goo.gl/w2pUcLBWC3Mfxq2h6</a></p>
<p> </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978430
2019-04-14T17:00:00-07:00
2019-04-15T10:42:16-07:00
Reminder
<p>Remember that songwriting contest I entered two weeks ago? Didn’t make the cut. It’s disappointing, and it stings a little, but it doesn’t change anything. I’ll keep on keepin’ on.</p>
<p>On the bright said, I saw Chris Smither perform at the Stougton Opera House last Thursday. It was the fifth or sixth time I’ve seen him, and he’s as good as ever; maybe better. He didn’t have an opening act, which was fine. I don’t think he ever has when I’ve seen him.</p>
<p>The first time I saw Chris, it was a moving experience. I called it spiritual, and this was similar. I was moved and glassy eyed during his first song (Open Up), and it happened several more times during the evening. It was a really great show, and he was full of energy, before and after - where he signed autographs and had a word with anyone who wanted one. The man is 74 now, and he was ALIVE.</p>
<p>The show reiterated a few things to me. First, I need to lose weight. Yes, I know it, and have known it for most of my adult life. But I’m almost 50, and you don’t see very many obese men in their 70s. I don’t know that I want to live that long, but if I do, I’d prefer not to be shell of my former self.</p>
<p>Next, I need to keep making music, and probably start gigging again. It’s still my goal to make my living with music, and not trying isn’t going to get it done. If I want to get to where he is now, and has been for at least the last 30 years, I need to work at it again. If I don’t make it, fine. But there are things I can do. I can keep releasing material. I just put out a new album and another is in the works. And, I can make my own videos - live and otherwise - and put them on youtube and wherever else. Maybe something catches fire. The point is to do things I love, and never mind if they make money (though it would be nice) or not. This includes doing my audio book so I can put “Eyes In My Dream” out there.</p>
<p>Finally, I need to find a job I actually enjoy. Making a living with music or writing is my first choice, but there are other ways of earning an income that have to be better than what I’m doing now. We’ll see where it goes.</p>
<p>I mentioned that I was toying with the idea of doing a video every week; to that end, I bought a webcam on Amazon. Yeah, I could just use my phone, but I’d rather have something hooked up to my Mac so I can use a decent microphone. I also plan to make concept videos like the one I did for “I Could Be Wrong.”</p>
<p>That’s it for now. Be good.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978429
2019-04-07T17:00:00-07:00
2019-04-08T10:58:11-07:00
Quick Update
<p>I entered a songwriting contest last week. I haven’t heard whether or not I made the first cut, which is probably not good, but there’s been no announcement on their website either. Still, we were supposed to be notified the week of 4/1/19, so who knows? Ultimately, whether I get in or not won’t change what I’m doing too much. If I got in, I’d have to have new songs ready to perform every week. I’ve never done that exactly, but I have had songs written, recorded, and published every week for a year. Pretty similar. In either case, I have new material to work on and an audio book to record.</p>
<p>And, work continues on the new songs. I think the lyrics are pretty much done, though they’ll go through a woodshedding process before, and possibly as, I record the songs. That’s inevitable. But, I have a good starting point for each. I haven’t composed all the music yet; that’s the next step.</p>
<p>Typically, when I work on a new project, I don’t take on anything else. But, I may switch that up and start recording the audio for my book. I’ll record the audio before publishing the written form because reading it aloud will force me to edit it once again, and I think that’s good. It’s one thing to write or read something and hear it in one’s head; it’s quite another to actually speak the words. The process will make Eyes in my Dream better.</p>
<p>I’m uploading Hope to Distrokid as I type this; Love Songs and Lullabies will be next. I was going to go with CD Baby again, but I don’t want to pay $20 for a bar code if I don’t have to. CD Baby requires it; Distrokid doesn’t. Once those albums are up and released/available for sale, all the free music on my site will come down. So, as I’ve said before, get it while you can.</p>
<p>That’s it for now. Be good.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978428
2019-03-31T17:00:00-07:00
2019-04-01T10:34:45-07:00
To Contest or Not To Contest - Again
<p>Last week I talked a bit about a few pros and cons of entering music contests. Kind of. I talked about entering one, and I probably will. The deadline is in May. However, during this past week, I became aware of another one which requires residents live within 110 miles or so (don’t recall the actual number) of the ration station’s location in Madison, WI. The deadline was last night.</p>
<p>I entered. I’d include a link, but the contest is closed.</p>
<p>This one was free, and assuming I make the first cut, I think I have a damn good chance. Why? The contest requires entrants to write a new song every week. A topic is given, contestants play the tune a week later in a local club, and one person is eliminated until there are three finalists are left. The whole thing takes 7 weeks.</p>
<p>You might remember that I wrote a new song every week for a full year in 2008; check my discography. Doing it for a few weeks sounds fairly easy. Of course, that doesn’t mean the judges will like my stuff - again, assuming I make that first cut. If I don’t, life goes on. I still have things I want to do, including writing new songs.</p>
<p>Oh, as my entry, I re-recorded “One Last Time.” I played and sang at the same time, with no added effects of any kind. Feel free to listen:</p>
<p><a href="https://drive.google.com/open?id=1RajNaIrYIeIHuBpCYb07E485vm3ihEsm&fbclid=IwAR1hBFSGQrwJeSnMaMAHSOmIAkwgZgvGJNqG2vX1w9te2Efzf0v07CvfsvI" target="_blank">One Last Time</a></p>
<p>Last week I also said I might be finished writing the new songs; that’s not the case. Right now, I have 9 I’d call done and 4 others in various stages of the process. I don’t know if they’ll all make the cut, but I want to finish them and see what I have before I make a decision.</p>
<p>That’s it for now. Be good.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978427
2019-03-24T17:00:00-07:00
2019-04-01T10:29:45-07:00
To Contest or Not To Contest
<p>I decided a number of years ago not to participate in music contests - no Battle of the Bands, online songwriting contests, or anything like that. Why not? I’ve done it before. I made the finals of a Blues Showdown while I was in Phoenix, and that was before they had separate contests for solo/acoustic acts.</p>
<p>I decided it was pretty much a waste of money, especially where online contests are concerned. I have no illusions about the appeal of my material. If I have an audience, it’s a niche of a niche of a particular style. I ain’t everyone’s cup of tea, and I’ve largely made my peace with that. I like most of my material, and that’s important.</p>
<p>However, I became aware of a local contest recently, and I plan to enter. Here’s a link:</p>
<p><a href="https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=2306780636315687&id=2287165154943902" target="_blank">https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=2306780636315687&id=2287165154943902</a></p>
<p>It’s The Green County (where I live) Fair Singer/Songwriter Showcase. I don’t see anything saying it’s limited to residents of Green County, but one has to think the number of submissions will be smaller than any kind national contest. It costs $5 to submit a song, and as I write this, I don’t know if contestants can submit more than one, but odds are I will if I can. I have a wealth of material.</p>
<p>Still, my first choice is a new tune called “For A Little While” which will appear on the next album. I think it might be the best thing I’ve ever written. I recorded a video of a very rough draft on my phone and shared it with one of my best friends, Andrew Wilson. He really liked it, and played for his wife - Christine - without telling her who it was. She apparently went through a number of guesses before saying that whoever it was should go on The Voice and get famous.</p>
<p>I’ve discussed that within my journal a bit.</p>
<p>When I visited them in January, she pressed me hard to do it. I still say that show ain’t for people like me, but who knows? Maybe I’ll change my mind again.</p>
<p>I planned on recording two versions of “For A Little While” - solo acoustic and full band - though I don’t know which I’ll submit to this contest. I suppose I’ll listen to both and choose, and I expect I’ll solicit my wife’s opinion. Stay tuned for more info.</p>
<p>I may be fished with the writing phase of my next collection of songs. I’ll know more this time next week.</p>
<p>That’s it for now. Be good.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978426
2019-03-17T17:00:00-07:00
2019-03-18T11:02:33-07:00
Empathy for the Other Side?
<p>Work continues on the next batch of songs. Right now, I have 10 songs with either lyrics, lyrics & chords, lyrics & some chords, or essentially complete tunes. I think I’d like to have another 2 before I start woodshedding and recording, and remember, I also plan to do alternate versions for at least a few - possibly all - of them. It should be interesting to see where things go.</p>
<p>I don’t keep track of current events/news much. It often saddens me or makes me angry, because, let’s face it. There’s a lot of misery in the world, and when it comes to most news - if it bleeds, it leads. So, I don’t pay much attention. If I hear something I want more info about, I’ll seek information online from a number of sources. But, the tragedy in New Zealand and the state of the USA have inspired some thoughts I’d like to discuss briefly.</p>
<p>History tells us our species has a tendency to kill our own. We’ve almost constantly been at war, and when we haven’t, those with power, status, and wealth have sought to keep it or attain more at the expense of others. I’m not going to list examples or offer proof; feel free to research my claims if you like. I’m not presenting a scholarly paper; I’m discussing opinion based on personal knowledge, for whatever that’s worth.</p>
<p>We categorize, and tend to associate with those like ourselves. It’s natural. With that comes some prejudice, which isn’t the same as racism, but often leads to it. Add any kind of belief or fanaticism - especially religion - and you get things like the Crusades or World Wars. And, while many would like to think we have evolved and become more accepting, I don’t think it’s true for most of the world.</p>
<p>And you know what? Trump is an example, and maybe not in the way you’d think. I’ve never seen or even heard of such a divisive President. His supporters are ardent, and his detractors are equally so - perhaps worse - and there is a distinct lack of discussion or understanding by either side, though it’s most easily seen in those who did not vote for him.</p>
<p>Don’t believe me? How many people do you know who have said - in conversation or through social media - that they want nothing to do with Trump supporters? I don’t recall such open derision with Obama, though there were horrible remarks about The White House being called White for a reason.</p>
<p>My point is this - most of us rarely empathize with opposing views, much less give them rational discussion - self included. Don’t get me wrong - I think the man is a buffoon and has been a complete joke in many ways, but I’m sure he’s done some good.</p>
<p>No, really.</p>
<p>I mean, I can’t come up with anything off the top of my head, but at the very least, things don’t seem to have gotten worse.</p>
<p>My point is if you can’t rationally discuss opposing viewpoints, there’s a problem. Hell, someone from my childhood blocked me on FB, apparently because I’m opposed to the wall. I say “apparently” because he didn’t actually say much beyond “good to know what side you’re on” before he did it.</p>
<p>That’s actually a good microcosm of what I mean. I said the wall wasn’t the way to deter illegal immigration - the only way to do it effectively, in my opinion, is to make it unprofitable to employ illegals. Fine the hell out of employers. Yes, there are fines now, but they’re not nearly heavy enough. His response? “Good to know what side you’re on” and he blocks me. How does that help anyone? Rather than attempt a discussion or try and sway me to his side with reasonable arguments, he opts out of my life.</p>
<p>It’s not like we were close, but I was still surprised. I’ve blocked people on social media, but it’s always been because I’ve been insulted or the person has insulted people I value. It’s never been because of opposing views on…well, anything. Sadly, I think his actions are closer to being the rule rather than the exception.</p>
<p>Can we evolve? Is it possible? Sure. Will it happen? I don’t think so, at least not entirely. There will always be human beings who seek to exploit or exclude others. I think it’s part of our DNA, and honestly, I’m not all that concerned. I’ll be dead in 20-30 years, tops, and if things get significantly worse before then, I’ll check out.</p>
<p>That’s it for now. Be good.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978425
2019-03-10T17:00:00-07:00
2019-03-11T11:03:46-07:00
Inspiration
<p>I posted something on Facebook last Saturday, and I’d like to discuss it a little more. The gist of it is I believe this thing we call “inspiration” happens because of the work done leading up to it. I suppose there may be exceptions, but I’d say 99.9% of the time, Eureka! moments happen because someone has spent significant time honing their craft.</p>
<p>I do have some experience. I’ve written and released over 100 songs. Some are better than others, but every one involved effort. I put in the time learning how to write and actually writing, and produced results. I’ve had ideas come when I least expected them - driving, at work, laying in bed, etc. - and of course, while I’ve had a guitar in my hands. But, it occurred to me that inspiration has never struck if I wasn’t actively engaged in the writing process.</p>
<p>By contrast, when I consistently work on writing songs - lyrics, music, or both - the so-called muse will speak at seemingly random times. Why might that be?</p>
<p>I have an idea.</p>
<p>I graduated from Musician’s Institute. They threw A LOT of material at students in a short period of time, but they also taught what they thought was the best way to learn it. I’ve discussed this before, so I’ll be brief. Essentially, you set aside however much time you have. Let’s say an hour. You write a schedule; say 10 minutes each on an exercise, a scale, a new piece of music, a difficult chord change, ear training, and sight reading. You literally set a timer for 10 minutes, start it, and work the first item on your list. When the timer goes off, you stop right where you are, and move on to the next thing. When you’re done, you’re done.</p>
<p>Of course, how much time you set aside depends on your schedule, and the intervals depend on your ability to focus. Maybe you have a 5 minute break in there.</p>
<p>This method works. I still use it today.</p>
<p>One theory on why it works was/is that even when you’re not working on something, your subconscious mind is. I can’t say whether or not that’s true, but it would explain why inspiration strikes seemingly out of the blue. 99% perspiration, 1% inspiration.</p>
<p>I believe that’s about right.</p>
<p> </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978424
2019-03-03T17:00:00-07:00
2019-03-04T10:58:03-07:00
*cough cough*
<p>Wow.</p>
<p>I’d gotten in the habit of posting every week. Then I went on vacation and didn’t post. Why? I didn’t want the world knowing my wife was home alone. Paranoid? Maybe. Better safe than sorry, especially with her. I posted the first Monday after I came home and figured I’d get back to doing so every week.</p>
<p>Not so much.</p>
<p>I developed a bit of a cough and dealt with some congestion during the last half or so of my vacation. It never got bad, and I figured it would go away. I stayed home from work 1 day my first week back, but again, I thought I’d shake it.</p>
<p>Nope.</p>
<p>I went to work the following Monday, but my cough and congestion kept getting worse. I went home at lunchtime. I called in sick the next day. And the next. I wound up going to se a dr and was diagnosed with bronchitis. I recommend avoiding it if at all possible; it was NOT fun. I stayed home and in bed or on my couch until the next Monday, but even then, I wasn’t myself. I worked the rest of the week, but I didn’t do much else as I slowly recovered. I didn’t start to feel like myself until the next Sunday. I started to get back to my normal routine last Monday, but I just forgot to post a blog update. I expect to update every Monday for the foreseeable future.</p>
<p>So, what’s new, aside from finally being reasonably healthy?</p>
<p>I have 7 songs written for my next album. I’d like to have 10, but we’ll see what happens. I’ve also said I plan to do alternate versions of the new songs. I will, but I’m not sure if I’ll do each one. I can hear at least 2 alternates and have fiddled with them some. I’ll do the same with others as I see fit.</p>
<p>I will probably go with Distrokid for distribution of the new album, plus the last one. The days of leaving my material freely available on my site are coming to a close, so if you want what’s there for free, get it while you can.</p>
<p>I’m toying with the idea of posting a live video of my playing a song once a week. Original, cover, whatever I feel like.</p>
<p>I still need to start recording my audio book so I can get that sucker posted, and it’s going to take a while.</p>
<p>I have a lot on my plate. But, it’s all stuff I feel like I need to do, and most of the process is enjoyable and satisfying.</p>
<p>That’s it for now; stay tuned.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978423
2019-02-03T17:00:00-07:00
2019-02-04T10:41:56-07:00
Vacation
<p>I just did something I haven’t done in…well, I can’t remember the last time. I took two weeks’ vacation.</p>
<p>I spent about 6 years living in the Phoenix, AZ area - 1999 to 2005 (maybe 2006). I met my wife there, and made the closest, best friends I’ve ever had. Furthermore, my mother lives in CA on just the other side of the AZ/CA border. I haven’t seen those friends or my mom in a decade.</p>
<p>And that’s why I went.</p>
<p>I planned to drive from WI to AZ, then to CA, and then to the Seattle, WA area because some of the friends I made in AZ now live near Seattle. I made the drive to AZ with no problem, but bloody hell. It wore me out. So, I checked plane fares, found something reasonable, and flew to Settle for a few days, then back to Phoenix, and drove back home to WI. Honestly, I should’ve just flown, as many - including my wife - advised. But, some things I have to learn the hard way. Lots of things, actually.</p>
<p>Still, it was a wonderful trip that did me a world of good. It’s given me resolve to make overdue changes in my life. It remains to see whether or not I actually follow through, but as I type this, I have every intention of doing so.</p>
<p>One of my best friends pitched me hard on moving back to AZ, going so far as to offer me a job. If I was single and living on my own, I probably would. But I have my wife to consider and we love our home, and I fucking HATE moving. Still, I can’t properly express how wonderful it is to be around people I value for the first time in 10 years and have it feel as though we were never apart.</p>
<p>And I picked the right time to go. My area of WI had record lows just a few days before I returned, and we had frozen pipes in spite of my wife leaving water running all night. We didn’t get running water back until early Sat morning, and then we had a broken pipe. It was easily repaired by a plumber Sunday morning, so it could have been much worse.</p>
<p>Work continues on my next batch of songs, and I still need to pick a distributor for Love Songs & Lullabies.</p>
<p>That’s it for now. Value your friendships and honor those relationships.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978422
2019-01-13T17:00:00-07:00
2019-01-14T12:16:09-07:00
Stuff
<p>Work on the next collection of songs continues.</p>
<p>I was briefly afraid I wouldn’t be able to write songs I like anymore. Why? Well, it didn’t feel like they were coming along for a few days. As someone who posted something new every week for a full year, not being able to come up with something on demand was a touch distressing. But, my fears weren’t founded.</p>
<p>I have the outlines of about 5 songs, and I’d like to have at least 10. I also plan to do alternate versions of some tunes, maybe all. Chris Smither has been doing that lately, and I like it. I have one song that’s about 2.5 minutes long and is strictly acoustic. Doing a separate, “full band” version of it is appealing. I also plan to do entirely different versions of songs. Why not? What’s to stop me? Nothing, and no one. It’s going to be fun.</p>
<p>I'm also getting getting the itch to play live again. I won’t do what I’ve done before - play to audiences who don’t care for little to no money - but i’m getting the urge to play for people. I’m even thinking a band situation would be good.</p>
<p>I’ve tried to do it before, and it wasn’t too long ago. I’d like to have an acoustic band consisting of me, a violin/fiddle player, bass, a percussionist (preferably a cajon player), and maybe someone who can play multiple instruments - keyboards, harmonica, mandolin, maybe guitar. I’d want to play some originals, but I suspect we’d make our bread and butter playing covers - which I generally dislike. But, if we could do our own versions of songs as an acoustic act, I think that could be great. Consider a slow, bluesy version of AC/DC’s “Whole Lotta Rosie.” Each member could bring songs to the band so we have a varied repertoire of material. I think it could work.</p>
<p>Now all I have to do is find the players.</p>
<p>But, my next album is my priority.</p>
<p> </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978421
2019-01-06T17:00:00-07:00
2019-01-07T10:31:00-07:00
Just Another Year. Kinda.
<p>Hello 2019.</p>
<p>I don’t care much about a new year, aside from the fact that I’ll be turning 50 in August. I haven’t cared much about Xmas for years, although I've enjoyed it more since I figured out it was largely because the holiday just hasn’t been the same since my grandmother, and later my grandfather, died. This holiday season was was vastly different from the last 12 in that I didn’t spend it with my in-laws; it was just me and my wife. It’s not that we’ve had a falling out with them; we saw them before and after. It was because her little brother is now living in Canada, so she decided she wanted to start a Xmas tradition of our own.</p>
<p>Sounded good to me. And it was.</p>
<p>My wife thought it would be good to have tamales on Xmas day. Why? Because they represent happy childhood memories for me. I grew up on the Mexican border. No one in my family made tamales, but it was a tradition for many of the folks around us to spend Xmas eve making them, and eating them all of Xmas day. We usually had 3 or 4 neighbors drop plates off at my grandparents’ home, and more often than not, they were wonderful.</p>
<p>A friend here in WI recommended a Mexican restaurant in Madison, and we decided to get a dozen tamales from them. However, come 12/24/18, they were sold out. And I mean at 11:00 am. So, we decided to try a Mexican grocery store where they make their own tortillas.</p>
<p>Oh, damn.</p>
<p>I cried when I took my first bite of one of their tamales. I wasn’t blubbering, but I was choked up on emotion as my childhood came rushing back in the best possible way. Those things were amazing. Loved them. I expect to get more on a semi regular basis (they aren’t exactly healthy), and I hope it becomes a tradition.</p>
<p>New Year’s Eve was quiet. I don’t drink anymore, and I’ve never been one to go out on NYE. I was in bed shortly before midnight and fell asleep shortly thereafter. I didn’t mark the occasion at all.</p>
<p>My next album, Love Songs and Lullabies, will be available soon. Work has begun in earnest on the next collection to be released on 8/9/19. My novel and accompanying audio book will be self-published this year.</p>
<p>Huh. It’s almost like I’m busy or something.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978420
2018-12-16T17:00:00-07:00
2018-12-17T10:56:39-07:00
Motivation
<p>Let’s talk about motivation.</p>
<p>Why does anyone do what they do?</p>
<p>For a lot of folks, money is the answer. If you live in the USA, money is a requirement to do pretty much anything. We owe, we owe, so off to work we go. Most of the country has credit card debt, and even if you don’t, you probably have at least a car payment (which means insurance), and a mortgage or rent. Plus, you know. Basics like food, electricity, and water. A source of income is required to live reasonably well.</p>
<p>But, not all of us are driven primarily by the need for cash. I submit myself as an example. Not only am I not driven to make boatloads of cash, I never have been. I’ll give you an example from my childhood.</p>
<p>I went to a boarding school for grades 7-9. Students often sometimes sold slices of pizza from a local pizzeria to make extra money. The place was great, man. I can still see, smell and taste that stuff. In any case, on one of my mom’s visits, she bought me an extra pizza to take back to school. She didn’t know about the selling; she was doing it to be nice to me. I could have made at least two dollars a slice, and perhaps as much as five. What do you think I did?</p>
<p>Yup. I ate that damn thing myself. I may have shared with my best friend at the time; I can’t say for sure. I chose satisfying my taste buds over putting some pretty good cash in my pocket. What does that say about me?</p>
<p>Well, yeah. I’m still fat. I still love to eat. That’s not what I mean.</p>
<p>Would someone whose main purpose in life was making as much money as possible do the same thing? I think not. Neither would anyone who had whatever is necessary to become ultra successful in any given field. But me? I did what satisfied me.</p>
<p>I still. Do.</p>
<p>Sometimes it’s good. Sometimes it’s bad. Let’s look at how that relates to what I consider my purpose in life; music. I make music that moves me. I don’t do it because I think it will make me large piles of money, though my goal as a teen was to be a rock star. By the time I was in my 30s, that morphed into making a living. That’s where it still is. But, even that isn’t quite so simple. I want to do it on my terms, meaning making it with my music. I don’t want to back up anyone else (though I will back the right people) and I’m not interested in primarily playing cover tunes. If I can’t find an audience with my stuff, I’ll just keep working whatever job I can to pay my bills while I toil away with what stirs my soul. For better or worse.</p>
<p>That’s who I am.</p>
<p>Hi.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978419
2018-12-09T17:00:00-07:00
2018-12-10T11:12:36-07:00
Good Medicine
<p>I figured out something last week. Maybe saying I admitted to myself might be a better way to put it.</p>
<p>I’m consistently in a better mood when when I make music.</p>
<p>Yeah, I know. Seems obvious, right? As I’ve said within these pages, I finished my wife’s collection of songs, so I decided to take a couple of weeks off before continuing on to my next projects. That seems to have been a mistake. I realized at the end of last week that I progressed into a lousy mood, and it pervaded most of my life. It also got worse until I figured out why.</p>
<p>Of course, there are times when making music puts me in a bad mood; when I have lousy practice sessions, when I have problems getting a recording done, and when I think too long about my lack of success. However, none of that changes the fact that when I have a guitar in my hands and I’m playing, I’m doing what feels the most right in this world - even when I do so poorly. It seems like this is something I should have learned well by now.</p>
<p>What can I say? I’m a stubborn motherfucker.</p>
<p>That’s it for now. Happy holidays.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978418
2018-12-02T17:00:00-07:00
2018-12-03T10:46:13-07:00
Doing Things You Don't Want To Do
<p>No one likes doing things they don’t want to do, but doing them anyway is part of life. I can still hear my mother’s voice saying “sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to do.” As an adult, I tend to avoid those things whenever possible because I can. Sometimes, however, they can’t be avoided, and good can come from them.</p>
<p>This past Saturday night my new employer had their annual holiday party. It wasn’t required, but I’d previously committed to going. Normally, I avoid company functions because I’m not the most social person in the world, and (as those with whom I’m close can attest) I can occasionally say something mildly offensive.</p>
<p>Difficult to believe, I know.</p>
<p>So, rather than interact with my coworkers while my guard is down, I choose not to do so at all. However, this is a new job - I started last August - and I thought maybe it might be better to try and be sociable, even if it’s a heavily censored version of myself.</p>
<p>It turned out to be a pretty fun night, with an unexpected high point. At one point, the ranking company officer asked for all the first year employees to raise their hands. We did. He then had us gather at the front of the room and informed us that, as first year employees, we were required to sing a xmas song.</p>
<p>I’m an agnostic. Xmas songs aren’t my thing, and it’s only within the last 5 years or so that I’ve started to enjoy the holiday again, but that’s a different discussion. I waited a few seconds to see if anyone within the group made a choice, or really said much of anything. No one did, and it’s not surprising. Most people don’t like singing in front of others.</p>
<p>I don’t have that problem.</p>
<p>I looked at the man in charge and said, “I could sing the Grinch song.”</p>
<p>He replied that if I knew the words, I could. I didn’t, but Google did. I brought up the lyrics on my phone and launched into it. One or two tried to sing along for the first line, but that was about it.</p>
<p>The crowd of somewhere around 50 people went nuts, in a good way. The room sort of exploded with applause after I finished the first verse, so I stopped there and took a bow. I received a number of compliments today at work, and a coworker asked permission to put a picture of the Grinch on my cubicle - “because of how well you sang, not because you’re a Grinch.” I was flattered.</p>
<p>And it almost didn’t happen.</p>
<p>Obviously, this won’t keep my job if layoffs come around, or keep me from getting fired if I do something supremely stupid, but I did bring a moment of pleasure to a group of coworkers, and that’s a good thing.</p>
<p>Sometimes good things happen when you do things you don’t want to do.</p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/391273/5513505b73b80901fc74b03d8e0d63b73b0b9e43/original/grinch.jpg/!!/b%3AWyJyZXNpemU6MzEyMHg0MTYwIl0%3D.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" alt="" height="4160" width="3120" /> </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978417
2018-11-25T17:00:00-07:00
2018-11-26T11:37:11-07:00
Love Songs & Lullabies - Done
<p>I’ve finished recording and mixing Love Songs & Lullabies. Rachel will do the cover art, but she’s battled a cold and we’ve had some household issues the last few days. I’m also going to put this collection and my last one on some kind of distribution site; I’m currently researching a few for the best fit. It’s fine having my music on my site, but that doesn’t bring me any new listeners. Having my new stuff available in multiple formats might.</p>
<p>In short, Rae has access to all her songs. The rest of you won’t until I decide where to put them. :)</p>
<p>What’s next? Hopefully, I’ll manage to work on two projects at once. I still need to record the audio for my book, Eyes In My Dream, which will result in some editing. Second, I need to write new songs for my next album. I have two, one of which will have at least two versions. I want to have at least 10 great songs, but I’d love to have more. We’ll see what happens. Remember, my next collection will be released no later than 8/9/2019.</p>
<p>I did a couple of quick live videos on Facebook a couple of weeks ago, and I want to do it on a regular basis. To that end, I’m going to get a decent webcam for my Mac shortly. I also want to put together videos for a number of songs. I’ve only done one concept video, and it was a lot of work. Hopefully, I’ll get better and faster at it over time.</p>
<p>That’s it for now. Be good.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978416
2018-11-19T17:00:00-07:00
2018-11-20T02:24:41-07:00
Love Songs & Lullabies
<p>I’m just about finished with Love Songs & Lullabies. I have solid recordings of the last two instrumental tracks, but I want to take another crack at the last song with vocals. I’ve found it’s sometimes best to let what I believe is s good take to sit for a day or two, then listen again. My perspective/opinion might change, for better or worse. In this case, I just think I can do better.</p>
<p>I have one complete song written for the next album to be released on 8/9/2019, and ideas for another. The latter needs arranging and polishing. I think I may do something I’ve never done with new material - record and release more than one version of the same song. I have revisited and redone songs before, but not on the same album. You could say “FU” is an exception, but the only difference between the two versions is censoring of the word “fuck” using various sound affects. This time, I’m thinking about having a barebones version of a song - meaning acoustic guitar and vocals - along with a fuller arrangement which adds drums, bass, and electric guitar. Maybe harmony vocals as well. The one song I have finished now (not recorded, but written) could work either way, so why not release both? Other artists have done so, and both versions of the song have merit.</p>
<p>One more thought. Donald Trump.</p>
<p>It’s like our President is a spoiled, ill-mannered child who needs a good spanking.</p>
<p>That’s it for now. Take care.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978415
2018-11-11T17:00:00-07:00
2018-11-12T10:39:52-07:00
Not The Voice
<p>It’s safe to say I will not be auditioning for The Voice.</p>
<p>I’ve watched the blind auditions for the current season and some of the battles. I’m not right for the show. Whether or not you think I can sing well, I’m clearly not the type of singer who excels on this program. I think I might do ok in the auditions that don’t air on TV, and I might even turn a chair if I got the chance. Maybe.</p>
<p>But beyond that? Nah. Practically no chance. I sing in different keys than most, or at least that’s been my experience. I can’t see doing well in one of their battles. I could be wrong, but I don’t intend to find out. I don’t see many fat guys around 50 on the show, and there are probably good reasons.</p>
<p>So, what will I be doing?</p>
<p>Same thing I’ve been discussing for the last few months. I need to finish the collection of songs for my wife - probable title is Love Songs & Lullabies; I originally figured Lullabies & Love Songs, but she likes the other way better, and they are her songs - and then I'll start work on the next album, to be released no later than 8/9/2019. Either concurrently or afterwards, I’ll self-publish my book and its corresponding audio book, Eyes In My Dream. I’m also thinking about creating a number of videos for songs old and new, and I may begin streaming regularly.</p>
<p>I have a full plate and no shortage of ideas.</p>
<p>I’m toying with the idea of gigging again, but if I do, I need to figure out how it will be better than any other run I’ve had. I have no desire to go out and play to no one for no money. I’m better off staying home and being creative in other ways.</p>
<p>That’s it for now. Be good.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978414
2018-11-04T17:00:00-07:00
2018-11-05T10:07:19-07:00
The Voice
<p>A friend of mine (ok, his wife, really…she’s still a friend, but I’m much closer to him) suggested I audition for The Voice.</p>
<p>She was serious.</p>
<p>Stop laughing.</p>
<p>No, seriously.</p>
<p>Even I stopped laughing eventually and thought it might not be a bad idea. I don’t think there’s any chance I’d win, and only a slightly greater chance that I’d actually get on TV, but hey. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? I looked up how to audition:</p>
<p><a href="https://www.nbcthevoice.com/auditions/howtoaudition" target="_blank">https://www.nbcthevoice.com/auditions/howtoaudition</a></p>
<p>Having to sing a cappella ain’t exactly my strong suit. The only time I don’t sing with a guitar in my hands is when I record, and then I’m singing to a backing track. Still, with some practice, I could get past that. No biggie.</p>
<p>But, I’d never actually watched the show. I’m not much of one for reality competition shows of any kind. I never cared for Survivor, I despised American Idol…and…uh…well, that’s it. I enjoy a few of the cooking shows though.</p>
<p>I went to youtube and checked out a few hours’ worth of clips over the course of a month or so. I didn’t hear anyone who sings like I do, but that could be a strength. Worst case scenario, I don’t make it past open auditions. No big deal; I’ve been through worse.</p>
<p>However.</p>
<p>I figured I should, you know. Actually *watch* the show. When I was poking around, there were no full seasons available online without paying for them. If I can’t watch via my Hulu, Netflix, or Amazon Prime subscriptions, I probably won’t watch at all. But, I discovered over the weekend that the new season is on Hulu. So, I fired it up.</p>
<p>Holy. Crap.</p>
<p>I was *shocked* by how little singing there actually is. We meet the judges, get video packages on the performers auditioning, and lots of banter between the judges. LOTS of banter. I cared for none of that. I just wanted to see and hear folks sing. Thankfully, one can fast forward on Hulu, and once I started doing that, the show become watchable. I’ve made it through the first two episodes, and I suspect I will watch the rest before I decide whether or not to give it a shot.</p>
<p>Here are cons in my mind:</p>
<ul>
<li>If I’m being honest with myself, nearly everyone I’ve seen sings better than I do. I’m not looking for anyone reading this to say differently and stroke my ego. It’s just truth. They all have better range, and most have a voice that seems to sell these days, even the ones who don’t get chosen.<br><br>
</li>
<li>Most of them are much better looking. Granted, it’s a blind audition at first, but let’s not kid ourselves. The open auditions are not blind, and attractive people have a built in advantage. That’s just life.</li>
</ul>
<p>Here are some pros:</p>
<ul>
<li>I would probably be reasonably unique. That could work against me, of course, but it could also be a strength.<br><br>
</li>
<li>While I would be excited to try, particularly if I started to believe I had a chance, nerves probably - PROBABLY - wouldn’t be much of an issue. I could be wrong though. <br><br>
</li>
<li>As I’ve already said, what do I have to lose? The only way I know I won’t make it is not to try.</li>
</ul>
<p>So, yeah. I’ll watch the rest of the current season before I make a decision. Just figured it might be worth mentioning on my blog.</p>
<p> </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978413
2018-10-28T17:00:00-07:00
2018-10-29T10:37:26-07:00
Record Your Practice Sessions
<p>I actually have a topic in mind today, and it’s relevant to what I’ve been doing the past few weeks. Go figure.</p>
<p>I’ve been saying for years - decades, really - that using a metronome when practicing any musical instrument is absolutely vital. Granted, some people have a better innate sense of rhythm than others, but I promise yours isn’t as good as you think. And, nothing will make it clearer than when you record yourself playing something to a metronome, drum machine, or some other device that keeps impeccable rhythm.</p>
<p>I’ve been recording myself in some way, shape or form since I was 16. I’ve owned two different Boss drum machines, and I used the hell out of them. Later, I used loop recordings made by actual human beings, and these days I use an amazing software drummer included with Logic Pro X. But, when I practice something new - original or cover - that gives me any trouble at all, I always use a metronome.</p>
<p>Over the weekend, I discovered I’m not quite ready to record a piece I’ve been working on for a few months. I didn’t figure it out until I listened to a few takes and heard exactly where I was having problems - and that’s my point. I thought I’d be able to knock this out in 4, maybe 5 takes.</p>
<p>Nope.</p>
<p>I’ll woodshed it some more during the week and give it another shot this Saturday, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But, I’m awfully glad I didn’t try and play this live, and I’m sure I’ve tried songs in front of people that weren’t ready. Probably not since my 20s though, and that’s because I listen to recordings before I play songs live - and I don’t mean just the recordings that get published. I mean practice sessions. Truly. You don’t know how good or bad your playing or singing is until you listen to a recording. The tape - or hard drive - probably doesn’t lie. There was a time when recording using a cassette player was spend up by cheap recorders, but that won’t happen if you do something as simple as using your smartphone. You don’t need fancy recording software or microphones; just use your phone. Listen to the recording, figure out where your mistakes are, and work on them.</p>
<p>Trust me. It will help. LOTS.</p>
<p>That’s it for now. Take care.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978412
2018-10-21T17:00:00-07:00
2018-10-22T10:44:23-07:00
Words for Monday
<p>I’ve talked about why I make music before. Essentially, I started out on the baritone horn in jr high band (I wanted to play drums but the band teacher talked me out of it - I wasn’t exactly dying to play them), picked up a bass as a sophomore and started guitar shortly thereafter because I wanted to write songs. Since then - 10th grade - all I’ve wanted to do for a living is make music. At first, I wanted to be a rock star with all the trimmings, but that morphed into a desire to earn a decent livelihood with my own music. It’s never happened, and I’ve never gotten close. I’ve given up on music a few times in my life, but never for long.</p>
<p>Most recently, I released a collection of songs in Jan 2014, and then pretty much stopped playing with rare exception as I finished getting my degree. I graduated from University of Phoenix in Dec 2015. Since then, I’ve slowly started playing music again. It began with my wife’s request for songs to help her fall asleep at night - that project is almost done - and I’ve started an album to be released on or before I turn 50 on 8/9/2019. I’ve also come back to listening to a couple of artists I’ve loved for years. I stopped for a few reasons, and among them is that I find inspiration in what they do, and it’s painful to me if I’m not acting on it. It’s sort of like, “fuck. They’re making music. Why aren’t I?”</p>
<p>I wasn’t ready.</p>
<p>But, as I’ve started writing and recording again, those influences have crept back into my listening rotation, and that’s good. To be honest, there wasn’t much else that filled the void. I listened to a lot of podcasts, and still do, but music has insinuated itself back into my life. She can be a pushy bitch.</p>
<p>Why do I keep letting her back in? Why do I keep coming back?</p>
<p>The short, easy answer is it fulfills me like nothing else. I’ve written a book. I enjoyed it, and will self publish it soon. I’d be happy if it took off and I could make a living that way - it would feed my creative need. But I’d much rather do it with my music, and it’s not even close. If I could live without any serious financial worries, I’d take making a living with my music over hitting the lottery. Both would be lovely, but I meant what I said.</p>
<p>I may never get what I really want, but I’ll make music for as long as I can. It’s not ideal, but I think I can live with it. Guess I’ll find out.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978411
2018-10-14T17:00:00-07:00
2018-10-15T10:29:27-07:00
A Different Perspective
<p>I don’t have a topic in mind, so let’s just see where we end up, hm?</p>
<p>I know. Let’s go controversial and reasonably current. Let’s talk about the #MeToo movement.</p>
<p>I have sympathy for anyone who’s been sexually assaulted or raped. It’s a horrible crime than often has wreaks havoc on the victim’s mental health. Those who are fairly tried and convicted of the crime should be punished accordingly.</p>
<p>HOWEVER.</p>
<p>We have a legal system in place. It may not be perfect and I could probably come up with a few decent revisions with some serious thought. For example, I believe we should have professional jurors. But, never mind that for a moment.</p>
<p>An accusation is not a conviction.</p>
<p>I’ll say it again.</p>
<p>An accusation is not a conviction.</p>
<p>Yet, an accusation of rape can have devastating effects on someone’s career and personal life, whether they’re eventually found innocent or guilty. Hell, it’s even become the NFL’s policy to suspend players based solely on accusations. I can’t disagree with this enough. But, you know. They never asked me. Which is fine. I haven’t consistently watched their product for years now.</p>
<p>Don’t kid yourself. False accusations happen for a number of reasons, including someone who has been willingly unfaithful wanting to save face in front of friends and family. And maybe - just maybe - there has been a vindictive woman or two in history who has cried “rape!” as a way of getting back at someone.</p>
<p>I know, I know. Hard to believe, right?</p>
<p>Not so much.</p>
<p>I’m not saying someone you know who has said she was raped is making it up. I’m not saying those who make accusations shouldn’t be taken seriously. On the contrary; they should go through the legal process, and the sooner they get it started, the better.</p>
<p>Look, people who are smarter than me have gone through this and have better and more interesting perspectives. Feel free to poke around social media for their thoughts. In fact, I’ll share one:</p>
<p>(I can’t see how to link to this, so I’m just going to copy and paste it from Facebook. I won’t include credits because the writer wanted to remain anonymous)</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">A close acquaintance of mine wrote this. Please respect her desire for anonymity.</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">"I've been trying to figure out why this whole Kavanaugh thing has been getting under my skin so much lately. And I think I’ve found a piece of the puzzle.</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">"There’s been a lot of back-and-forth about how women need to be believed regarding sexual harassment. And I think that’s morphed into punishing without proof, especially career repercussions. In particular, I’ve been seeing a lot of folks post about how false allegations are super rare, and not really a big deal anyway, especially compared to the trauma of sexual assault.<br>"Yeah… that doesn’t match up with what I’ve seen, personally. I’m skeptical of that 2-8% statistic on false allegations, since most any official numbers on sexual assault are low. Most of it has to do with how it is reported, if it’s even reported at all. 'Unfounded' is not the same as 'false,' for example. That’s not saying it DIDN’T happen; it’s saying there isn’t enough to prove it happened beyond 'he-said-she-said.' A whole lot of charges get filed as 'insufficient evidence' and dropped. (Unfortunately, this also includes cases where the cops KNOW the guy did it, but they also know that the case won’t hold up in court, so they have to let him go, as much as they detest it.) The numbers I hear among LEOs and investigators regarding false allegations lean closer to 30-40%. I suspect the truth lies somewhere in between.</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><br>"I have personally witnessed a woman lie about sexual assault, with the described incident alleged to have happened *right in front of me* and 10-15 other witnesses, within our hearing. We were all there. Nothing happened. We still had to call in investigators, and when they were done, the female counterpart of the investigative team warned us that this kind of thing happens a lot, and to just keep all our conversations in English to cover our asses. (Part of the allegation was him hitting on and threatening her in Spanish. The Spanish speaking women present confirmed he said nothing of the sort.)</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">"I know at least one guy who had to pay thousands of dollars to prove his innocence in court. This is a country guy who once dragged a guy behind his pick-up truck for a couple miles, for scaring one of his female friends. Not even hurting her, just scaring her. Oh, and he beat up one of his buddies when that friend tried to skip out on child support payments. He’s supremely rough around the edges, but the man does much more for the women in his life than most of us ever have the courage to do. He got slapped with charges because the girl he was sleeping with—when he was young and dumb and crazier—had a boyfriend, and she claimed rape to try to get the boyfriend back.</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">"The others were a bit luckier. No charges were pressed so it didn’t go to court, but there were still other repercussions. I knew another guy who got ran out of his circle of friends based on rumors, even though both parties’ stories about the incident kept changing. Most signs pointed to it being a trifecta of alcohol/drug-fueled youthful stupidity and infidelity, and both sides trying to cover their asses. He ended up moving out of state.</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">"There are more. Enough that I’m not convinced false allegations are outliers—or maybe I’m just super-duper special to have come across so many 'exceptions.' Mostly, it is stupid people being stupid, and trying to cover it up—usually infidelity. Rape is horrible, and traumatic, and to be taken seriously—and none of that matters to a stupid, selfish person trying to weasel his or her way out of trouble.</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">"It is not hyperbole to say that an allegation, whether it’s true or not, can destroy someone’s social life, relationship, career, finances, even freedom. Even when the other party takes back the accusation, that shadow of doubt remains, and it can take a long, long time to go away. Even if it's as little as 2%, those statistics mean nothing when you're the one in the hot seat.<br>***
"Now here’s where I’m concerned about it backfiring, especially on women like me. I work in construction. 99% of the time, I am the only female on the job site and in shared housing when we travel. Often, it’s just me and one male coworker. (All those fun Europe pictures I’ve been posting lately? I took most of those day trips with one other coworker—all male.) Most of my career in electrical will probably be like this, especially as I work under a journeyman or a master electrician—or have a helper/apprentice of my own. This can’t always be avoided, especially if I work at a small company. Oh, and the mechanical rooms usually don’t have cameras, either.</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">"In other words, there is a lot of opportunity for something to happen, and chances are we wouldn’t be able to prove or disprove it either way. It really doesn’t take a whole lot to be in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong person—for either gender. Despite all this, I’ve never really feared for my safety with my male coworkers. (Having sharp and heavy tools on my person helps.)</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">"Let’s say a complaint of sexual harassment/assault pops up at work. I don’t even have to be the one to make it. The company may decide that it’s safer, from a legal CYA standpoint, to terminate the guy sans investigation. Won’t matter if he has a family to support, or if he’ll have to uproot and move because of industry restrictions. It may not even matter if *I* said nothing happened. And there’s a good chance it’ll follow him to the next job when they call up the old company for a reference—or it got filed away somewhere and it pops up in a background check. (That’s one example of what I mean, when I say that shadow of doubt doesn’t go away.)</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">"Boom. Everyone is scared to work around me. The ones who don’t know me now walk on eggshells around me. The ones who know me can’t trust that someone else won’t try to use me to get them fired. I lose out on networking and mentorship. A lot. Which is a pretty big deal considering how much the deck is already stacked against me when it comes to employment. And an even bigger deal when you consider how many trades jobs are acquired through knowing someone.</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">"Yes, this shit has happened. Not to me—yet. But I’ve spoken to guys who have seen it happen at their workplaces. I've had male interpreters who have had to position themselves in public view to ensure they stayed in the clear.</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">"I know a male college professor who won’t take on female graduate students anymore, because his field requires a lot of after-hours work and one-on-one mentorship, after everyone else has gone home. Some of his colleagues have made the same decision. The risk of losing their jobs, possibly entire career, over an accusation, no matter how unfounded, is not worth it. Even if the student herself reports no issues, someone else can start a rumor, or report on her behalf. Bye bye mentorship. Find a new mentor. Hopefully a female one. Oh wait, how’s that working out in a male-dominated major?</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">"Yeah… kind of hard to get that ratio reversed when you practically require a chaperone for your female students to begin with.<br>"None of those incidents will show up in a police report or in FBI statistics.</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">***
"Sexual assault sucks. No matter whether it gets reported or not, that person will have a lot of hard choices to make, and she’ll need all the support she can get. There is no good solution that will take away the pain and trauma overnight.</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">"But pushing this #believeher… movement? Thing? to the opposite side of the pendulum isn’t gonna work either, because people DO lie about this, and other people DO pay for those lies. Stop saying it’s for women. It’s putting good men at risk, and hurting women like me.</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">"It’s 100% up to the victim to report it, to delay reporting, or to not report it at all. She has to decide what is best for her own healing. But if there’s even the slightest bit of chance that she wants to publicly accuse someone and have him put away for good, it has to be done the right way. This means collecting all the documentation she can, before DNA decays and memories grow hazy. Her written record of what happened, confiding in friends so they can testify to behavioral and mood changes, video and audio recordings, DNA swabs, rape kits, police reports, maybe even private investigators. Yep, there’s a decent chance it still won’t be enough, at least for the time being—but it will be much, much stronger than her testimony alone.</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">"And-- it's way better to do this sooner rather than later. The longer she waits to do this, the less anyone else can do about it, beyond offering sympathy and referrals to a good therapist.</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">***
"Why shouldn’t someone’s testimony be enough? Well, the last time we believed that, a white woman’s word alone was enough to get a black man lynched. And women were expected to stay in the home, and if they went out in public, they were often expected to be with a chaperone, because society thought that neither women nor men could be trusted to handle themselves around the opposite sex.</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">"We cannot claim empowerment and victimhood at the same time. The freedom I am able to enjoy in my career does not come without responsibility. Farming out my safety to others when it comes to electrical is a poor long-term strategy, and doing the same when it comes to men doesn't work out much better. If someone says it, and she wants other people to act on her behalf, especially when that means someone else is going to lose his job or his freedom, she has to be able to back it up.<br>"That is the price of equality."<br>Well said.</p>
<p>On the musical side, progress is being made, though I didn’t get any recording done this weekend.</p>
<p>Y’all take care.</p>
<p> </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978410
2018-10-07T17:00:00-07:00
2018-10-08T08:34:13-07:00
Practice With Limited Time.
<p>I thought I’d talk about the need to practice consistently, and utilizing whatever time can be spared.</p>
<p>I’m working on the last 3 songs I need to record for my wife’s collection of bedtime material. One of the songs tentatively titled “Counting Sheep” is a piece I’ve had for perhaps a decade, but I’ve never been able to play it cleanly. It has a chord change which requires I slide from an F#7 chord up to a B7 between beats 4 and 1, and the song is somewhat briskly paced. Before I even attempt to record it, I want to be able to play it reasonably well. I don’t want to spend hours trying to get the right take, or making overdubs. I’d rather learn how to play it proficiently, then choose the best of a handful of takes.</p>
<p>But, barre chords aren’t my forte right now. I spend at least half of my guitar time playing slide, which means my fretting strength isn’t what it should be. So, how do I fix that?</p>
<p>Practice. Practice and using a D’addario Varigrip when I’m just watching TV or a movie. And, I don’t practice as much as I should or I’d like. My job and commute takes about 12 hours out of my day. When I get home, I have time to eat dinner and relax with my wife for awhile, then maybe get in 60-90 minutes of whatever else I need or want to do. So, when I’m practicing something that’s presenting a musical challenge, I literally set a timer for 8 - 12 minutes and use a metronome to ensure strong rhythm. I start slow enough to be able to play the piece with reasonable competence, and speed up as I get better.</p>
<p>I’m sure I’ve discussed this technique within these pages before, but I cannot stress its importance enough. I learned it back when I attended Musician’s Institute during the late 1980s, and I still use it today. It may not feel like you’re making progress at first, but trust me, you are. The more time you can spend, the better, but it’s more important to be consistent. There are days when I have no more than a 1/2 hour. Using the timer helps me focus. When it goes off, I stop and go on to whatever is next.</p>
<p>“Counting Sheep” will probably be recorded at about 96 BPM. When I started practicing 2 or 3 weeks ago, I started at around 60 BPM with the part that was giving me trouble. Today I was able to do it fairly well at the proper tempo. I’ll spend he rest of this week woodshedding it, and I expect to get a recording done on Saturday. If I didn’t practice this way, I have no idea how long it would take. But, as I said, I’ve had this piece for about a decade. Make of that what you will.</p>
<p>I apply this to writing new material as well. I’ll start by fiddling around until I find something I like. Sometimes I’ll start with the timer; depends on how much time I have. Once I have something I want to work on, I’ll give myself 10-15 mins to play with it. Again, when that timer goes off, I’ll move on to something else. After a few days, something substantial will usually develop. Some thing are better than others.</p>
<p>The point here is to use whatever time you have, however much (or little) it may be, and do so consistently. Keep at it. You’ll see results. The more you do it, the easier it’ll get.</p>
<p>That’s it for now. Be good.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978409
2018-09-30T17:00:00-07:00
2018-10-01T12:36:56-07:00
Success. What makes it?
<p>I was getting ready for bed and remembered committing to a blog entry every Monday night. I have nothing in mind, so let’s see where this leads.</p>
<p>What makes people successful in any kind of entertainment field? Skill? Sure, it’s a factor. Charisma? Of course. Connections? Always helpful. But in many ways, I think it boils down to this.</p>
<p>You have to have something people are willing to pay for.</p>
<p>If you’re an actor, it could be your acting skill, your charisma, or a mixture of both. In sports - and yes, pro sports are entertainment - you have to be good enough at your position to get someone to want to pay you to play.</p>
<p>With music - what? Like I know?</p>
<p>Ok, ok. Fine. Same rule applies. You have to have a voice, chops, or songs (looks and charisma help) an audience is willing to buy. Those who appeal to a large enough audience get to make a living. The rest of us putter around somewhere in hobby land.</p>
<p>By the way, I really *hate* thinking about my music as a “hobby.” It somehow demeans what I do in my mind, but truth be told, it ain’t like I’m making a living with it. Yet, I still hope.</p>
<p>Songwriters often take the approach of copying successful songs. There are formulas out there for writing hit songs. I’ve never been interested in copying others; at least not beyond the occasional cover song or as a way of learning what makes songs work. That’s different from aping or copying someone else. One could argue that doing so successfully while still maintaining some originality is a legitimate art. It may be. But I’m interested in self expression. Talking about what moves me or what I consider important, and playing in the hope that what I do will move others the way my favorites affect me. Yes, I’ve wanted to make a living a this for as long as I can remember, but not at the expense of how I want to do it.</p>
<p>In some ways, it makes me remarkably stupid. In others, it gives me integrity, I guess. No matter what, it’s my choice to make, and I’ve made it. I continue to make it, for better, worse, or somewhere in between.</p>
<p>Maybe someday I’ll be at peace with it.</p>
<p>That’s it for now. Be good.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978408
2018-09-23T17:00:00-07:00
2018-09-24T10:34:02-07:00
Plans for the Near Future
<p>I haven’t consistently posted entries in my blog for a long time. It’s time to change that. I’m going to try posting every Monday night for the foreseeable future, even when I don’t have much to say.</p>
<p>My current project - a batch of songs my wife requested to help her sleep at night - is almost done. I’ve posted links on my Facebook page(s) as they’ve been completed, so feel free to have a look. Or, you could just wait another month or two, and I’ll have the whole collection posted on this site.</p>
<p>There will be a total of 11 songs, 9 of which are instrumentals. Nine of the songs are new; 2 of the instrumentals have been released on different albums. I’m going to rerecord “Moonbeams” from Twenty Aught Eight and reuse “Lulluby” from Live. Love. Learn. Sing. as is. It fits in perfectly. I also have 2 new songs I need to record, but they shouldn’t take long. I’d like to be finished by this time next month, but I’m not going to rush anything.</p>
<p>Once that’s done, I’m going to record the audio for my book, Eyes in my Dream, which will also serve as a final edit. I have no idea how long that will take, but I don’t expect to be finished before April 2019. I’ll also start working on new songs, and I want to have a new album ready no later than 8/9/2019.</p>
<p>Why that date, you ask?</p>
<p>Simple. I’ll be 50 years old.</p>
<p>It feels like an important milestone to me, though it’s difficult to articulate why. There’s part of my that didn’t expect to live this long. In my 20s, I kind figured I’d be done before I hit 50, but these days, I’m in no hurry to check out. I have stuff I want to do.</p>
<p>I’m toying with the idea of playing a gig on that day, but my first choice (Wild Hog in the Woods in Madison) doesn’t start their season until after Labor Day. I may choose another spot. If I do, I’ll let you know.</p>
<p>That’s it for now. Be good.</p>
<p> </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978407
2018-08-18T17:00:00-07:00
2018-08-19T04:02:00-07:00
Wood vs Carbon Fiber
<p>I’ve started a new “day job” (though I shouldn’t really use that term because it’s not like I’m gigging anymore), and not surprisingly, the new income seems to have stimulated a desire for a new guitar. Or, perhaps the desire began because I’ve been actively and consistently working on music for the first time in a few years, and I didn’t allow myself to consider it while I was unemployed. Either way.</p>
<p>In any case, I desperately wanted an electric baritone guitar for a few weeks. I had my eye on a few models, but trying them out would’ve necessitated a trip to Chicago, and I don’t have the cash right now, so why go? I did visit a couple of stores in Madison, but neither had any baritone electrics. And as with most impulses, I think having to wait will probably work out for the best.</p>
<p>While I use electric guitars, I’m largely an acoustic guy. I use them for writing and am most comfortable using an acoustic when I perform. If I go back to gigging, I’ll do so as a solo acoustic guy. There is very little chance I’ll ever consistently be part of a band ever again, and if I am, it will probably be an acoustic act. But, electric guitars do have their place, and the keys in which I sing the best are conducive to baritone guitars.</p>
<p>However.</p>
<p>I don’t own a baritone acoustic. I do have two carbon fiber acoustic guitars, and one has been used as a baritone for years. But it occurred to me it would probably be preferable to have one designed to function as a baritone, which leads me to Emerald Guitars. To the best of my knowledge, they are the only maker of carbon fiber guitars that has a baritone model. CA Guitars (the brand of my two carbon fiber guitars) used to make one before they went out of business and Peavey acquired them, but finding one would be next to impossible, and as I recall, the fretboard met the body at the 12th fret. As a slide player, that’s a problem.</p>
<p>This brings me to the topic I wanted to discuss - carbon fiber / composite vs traditional wooden guitars.</p>
<p>While I was researching the purchase of my first high end guitar that wouldn’t be used for slide, I became well acquainted with the tonal properties of the various types of woods. I won’t go into details here; suffice it to say my Woolson guitar has black limba back and sides with a double top of spruce and redwood (double tops are fairly rare), with the redwood being visible. The guitar is amazing, and I’ve taken it out on the road many times.</p>
<p>I’ve decided I never will again.</p>
<p>It’s not worth the risk. Many working musicians have acoustics they call “beaters,” as opposed to instruments which never leave a home or studio. I now understand why. My Woolson cost me right around $5000 back in 2008. Replacing it with an instrument of equal quality would likely be far more expensive now, and as much as I love the guitar, I’ve decided I’ll never buy a wooden acoustic again.</p>
<p>Why not?</p>
<p>Carbon fiber / composite guitars are nearly indestructible, and there are now a number of companies producing different models, each with their own sound. The same way no Martin sounds like a Gibson, a CA Guitar doesn’t sound like Rainsong, Emerald, or Blackbird. Even McPherson Guitars - whose wooden models now start around $8k and were about $4k when I considered buying one - has two composite models. A top end wooden guitar does sound better than a top end carbon fiber guitar - at least to my ear - but not better enough.</p>
<p>Wooden acoustic guitars are often horribly sensitive instruments. They have to be babied, and the better the guitar, the more delicate it usually is. I’ve heard the best acoustics are constantly on the edge of flying apart, and there is some truth to the statement. But composite materials are so much stronger; it’s not an issue. The trade off isn’t worth it. Again, I love my Woolson guitar. Its sound constantly amazes me, especially when I put on new strings. I don’t think I’d give it up for anything.</p>
<p>But…if it was destroyed, lost, or stolen? I’d replace it with a carbon fiber guitar, if I replaced it at all.</p>
<p>And replaceability is a factor. A friend and mentor of mine once said “never fall in love with your sword.” To me, it means “never fail in love with a tool.” The sounds a guitar makes come primarily from the player. There was a time in my life when I didn’t understand how anyone could pay $1000.00 for a guitar, never mind more. Then I played an Ibanez priced at $1100, and I understood. It was so much better than anything I’d played before. Then I explored better instruments. It’s safe to say that each guitar I use consistently is of a higher quality than that Ibanez. And maybe more importantly, if my house burned down and I lost all my guitars, I know where I could get suitable acoustic replacements for $2000 (or less) each. Carbon fiber is uniform in a way that wood simply isn’t. Obviously, not every composite model is a gem, but in my hands and to my ear, they are far more consistent than wooden instruments.</p>
<p>In short, I think they’re better tools.</p>
<p>That’s it for now. Be good.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978406
2018-06-20T17:00:00-07:00
2018-06-21T06:29:49-07:00
That's What I Think (But I Could Be Wrong)
<p>My podcast, That’s What I Think (But I Could Be Wrong) has officially launched. I had targeted 7/5/18 because I wanted to finish my site redesign first, but I ran into a few problems. I wanted to have the first 3 episodes available in as many places as possible on that date, but it seemed impossible to pick a launch date while submitting my feed to the various directories. Most of them wanted to review at least one show before giving their approval. So, rather than wait another two weeks, I decided to go ahead and launch today. Click on the link at the top of the page for more info.</p>
<p>The next episode will discuss how easily human beings can be manipulated. It will be ready by Thursday, 6/28/18.</p>
<p>Progress continues with my music. The next instrumental is called Jasmine and features electric guitar work. That means I have to work on the melody while my wife isn’t home - the songs are for her and I’d like there to be some surprise - and that doesn’t happen often. She’s in Canada for her brother’s wedding this weekend, so I expect to get most of the work done. Jasmine should be posted some time next week.</p>
<p>I also have a song that will be part of the next album. I think it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done, and it’s only around 2:30 long. I’ll probably do two versions: one with voice and acoustic guitar (as it was written) and a second, longer version with more instrumentation. Call it a dance mix, for lack of a better name.</p>
<p>That’s it for now. Be good.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978405
2018-04-17T17:00:00-07:00
2018-04-18T04:13:33-07:00
Sweet Dreams
<p><a href="/files/426702/sweet-dreams.mp3" target="_blank">Here’s the 3rd song for Lullabies & Love songs called Sweet Dreams.</a></p>
<p>It features a sort of call and response for the melody, and a moving bass line during the 3rd verse. It’s a bit different from anything else I’ve done, and yet, somehow, totally me. Go figure. I have a chord progression and potential title for the next tune (Jasmine). I’ll record a rough track and start working on the melody later today.</p>
<p>I’ve finished episode 2 of my podcast. Work on episode 3 starts today. Once it’s done, I’ll come up with cover art, settle on a hosting site, and post the shows. I’m still taking too long, but my seemingly innate laziness is the main problem. If I settle in and commit to working it daily, I’ll streamline the process and get it done on time.</p>
<p>Spring needs to settle in and kick out Old Man Winter for good until it’s his time again. There’s snow on the ground in April. I’m not fond of this. Technically, a move to another state may be in my future. We moved to WI mainly because my wife’s family was in Madison. That’s changing. Her little brother is going to marry a Canadian/American girl in June, and will move to Canada. Her parents are gone about half the time, and I expect them to relocate to Indianapolis before too long in order to be close to their grandchildren. That leaves us with no reason to stay, aside from home ownership and the fact that I HATE moving. I figured I’d be where I am for the rest of my life, but one never knows.</p>
<p>That’s it for now. Be good.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978404
2018-03-29T17:00:00-07:00
2018-03-30T01:25:43-07:00
Quick Update
<p>I don’t have anything substantial to say, but I thought I’d cover a few bullet points about what I’m doing.</p>
<ul>
<li>Work continues on my podcast. I’ve finished episode one and am working on episode two. The show’s format is taking shape, though it’s subject to change. I have no idea if this thing will generate any interest, but I’m going to find out, and I plan to complete 24 episodes. After that, I’ll see if I want to continue.<br><br>
</li>
<li>I may have another song ready today; certainly by Monday. I think I’m largely done, but I want to add a bass line and then I’ll have to do the mix. Always a good time. Again, these are songs written for my wife, and are mostly instrumental. I’ll do another batch of songs for myself after they’re done. I’m also toying with the idea of doing videos for a few; not exactly sure if that will happen. I also find myself being nostalgic about my Twenty Aught Eight project. It’s been ten years, and I look back fondly on my accomplishment.<br><br>
</li>
<li>I still plan to self publish my book, Eyes in my Dream, and will do so once I have the corresponding audio book ready to go. It’s a rather time consuming process I have yet to start, but I expect to be done before the end of the year.</li>
</ul>
<p>That’s it for now. Be good.</p>
<p> </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978403
2018-03-10T17:00:00-07:00
2018-03-11T02:45:28-07:00
A Few Thoughts
<p>I’ve spent about a week working on my first podcast, and it ain’t easy. The more I do it, the better I’ll get, but it’s a slow process - plus I’ve never done it before. I’m trying to figure out format, what info is relevant, discovering that I don’t always speak clearly when not reading from prepared text, and any number of other issues. I didn’t expect it to be easy, but I didn’t anticipate this level of difficulty.</p>
<p>A body at rest stays at rest, and a body in motion stays in motion. I find it is often hard for me to begin working on any given day, but once I do, it’s fairly easy to continue. Why? I can be very lazy, especially if I find something to enjoy while sitting on my couch. Movie, TV show, video game, napping, whatever. I’m also afraid of failure. If I never finish something, I won’t have to present it to the world, and therefore won’t fail. I spent *years* trying to succeed with my music, and never got much of anywhere. It still hurts, but I’ve learned to accept it.</p>
<p>Speaking of my music and a body in motion, it’s been a decade since I spent a full year publishing a new song every week. Wow. I look back and realize it was one of the happiest years of my life. My full time job paid me the most I’ve ever made (I didn’t love the job, but good money is good money) and I was constantly creative and productive at home. I love a lot of those songs (all of which are available on this website - check my <a href="http://toddlorenz.com/discography/">discography</a>), and I don’t hate any of them. Yes, some are better than others, and the production value on some is horrible (at the time, I thought it was good), but on the whole, the project was a hell of an accomplishment. I wasn’t the first or last to do it, but I’m pretty sure it’s a small club. Why don’t I do it again? It was a LOT of work, and honestly, while I’m making music again, I have other things I want to accomplish. My podcast, an audio version of my book, and a few other things I won’t mention here.</p>
<p>Onward. Upward?</p>
<p>Be good.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978402
2018-02-28T17:00:00-07:00
2018-03-01T07:50:32-07:00
Podcast Coming
<p>i’ve decided to start a podcast called That’s What I Think (But I Could Be Wrong). My tune of almost the same name (I Could Be Wrong) will be the theme song, and the idea is that I will discuss whatever I find interesting. I’m hoping the show will be somewhere between 30 - 60 minutes, and I’ll drop the first 3 episodes at once. The topics as I type this are:</p>
<p>1. Dogman - Fact or Fantasy?<br>2. Bigfoot - Man, Monkey, or Myth?<br>3. Are Human Beings Inherently Violent?</p>
<p>The titles may change, but the subjects probably won’t.</p>
<p>I’ve read a book and a few online articles about starting a podcast, and all of them advise finding a particular niche. It seems like good advice, but it’s exactly the opposite of what I want to do. Granted, I hope to make this a source of income, but I’ve always been stubborn when it comes to something I consider my art. I’ll do what I want and/or love, and hope an audience finds me. It hasn’t happened with my music, at least not on a large scale, so it stands to reason that maybe I should do what is suggested by those who are successful.</p>
<p>Or, you know. Not.</p>
<p>I suspect that as I publish more shows, the numbers will dictate my direction. In other words, the topics which generate the most interest and downloads will probably get return episodes and perhaps become my focus. We’ll see.</p>
<p>I want to do this in seasons; I’ve noticed a number of podcasts I enjoy take this approach. I’ll start with 24 episodes in season 1, take a break, then come back for season 2. I’m committing to at least 1 full season, regardless of the number of listeners. If there’s enough interest, I’ll continue. If not, I won’t. Simple.</p>
<p>I thought I’d start each show with 10-15 minutes of current events discussion; just touch on a few news stories that merit a few words before moving on to the meat the episode. I’m not sure that’s what will happen; I guess I’ll see once I record the first 3 shows.</p>
<p>I plan to integrate the podcast into my current website, which will likely necessitate a redesign.</p>
<p>That’s it for now. Take care.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978401
2018-02-18T17:00:00-07:00
2018-02-19T06:21:05-07:00
New Song
<p>I've finished another song for my wife. It's an instrumental, and the rest will be as well, except for one.</p>
<p><a title="Go To Sleep" href="/files/426701/go-to-sleep.mp3" target="_blank">Go To Sleep</a></p>
<p>As I said in a previous entry, Rae requested songs she can listen to while she falls asleep at night, so I don't know if they're appropriate for driving. Just sayin'. ;-)</p>
<p>In any case, enjoy.</p>
<p>Oh, I noticed my Facebook feed no longer works. I'll have to look into it. </p>
<p>Be good.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978400
2017-12-26T17:00:00-07:00
2017-12-27T07:15:07-07:00
2017 is Almost Gone. Really?
<p>Christmas 2017 has come and gone, and 2018 is days away. I thought I’d post a few thoughts.</p>
<p>It’s been a rough year for me. Our home had major plumbing problems, required a new roof, I’m unemployed, and someone new in my life vanished quickly. Good times. Oh, and I had serious health issues discussed in previous entries.</p>
<p>But, here’s some good news. I lost a significant amount of weight, though I’m sure I put some back on during the holidays. I was reasonably careful, but c’mon now. I also recorded my first new song since 2014. Almost 4 years ago. Wow. That sounds so odd, but it’s true. In any case, my wife requested a collection of songs to help her sleep. I hoped to get them done for Xmas, but I managed one:</p>
<p><a href="/files/426700/rachels-lullaby.mp3" target="_blank">Rachel’s Lullaby</a></p>
<p>I love it and so does she. The rest will be done in a few months. I’ll post them as they’re done, and then as a collection when they’re all complete.</p>
<p>I’m going to self-publish my book, “Eyes in My Dream.” I didn’t get any takers in terms of management or a publisher, so I’ll just do it myself. I’ll record the accompanying audio book, and when it’s ready, both will go up, probably before July 2018.</p>
<p>I don’t make New Year’s resolutions, so we’ll just skip that.</p>
<p>Merry Xmas. Happy New Year.</p>
<p>Etc.</p>
<p>Be good.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978399
2017-11-15T17:00:00-07:00
2017-11-15T23:51:36-07:00
Heart's on Fire
<p>Last post was on 7/16/17. Jeez. I really should start posting regularly again, but I generally don’t have much to say. I’m not even posting on Facebook much these days, and I’ve never been big on Twitter. But, I do have a few things worth discussing now.</p>
<p>First, I posted last entry discussed my heart problem and corresponding weight loss. I said I’d lost about 40 pounds, but I’m afraid that wasn’t correct. I wasn’t lying; my scale was. Turns out it wasn’t accurate, though it took me another month or so and being weighed at a dr’s office to figure that out. I’ve replaced it - twice - and I’m confident in saying that I am NOW down about 45 pounds. That’s only 5 less than where I thought I was on 7/16/17, but I’m pretty sure it’s right. Dr’s office weigh ins agree.</p>
<p>Second, I had a cardiac ablation at the University of Wisconsin Hospital yesterday. Here's a brief description of the procedure from The Mayo Clinic's website:</p>
<p><a href="https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/cardiac-ablation/home/ovc-20268855" target="_blank">https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/cardiac-ablation/home/ovc-20268855</a></p>
<p>It was relatively simple (used catheters, wasn’t the open heart variety) and successful. I went in around 6:40a and was on my way home at 3:30p. The doc was pleased with the results and believes it should resolve the fast, irregular heartbeat episodes that have plagued me since April. He found something he didn’t expect, but it was easily treated. He believes it’s been there all my life, and oddly enough, my weight probably had little or nothing to do with it. Granted, being so heavy doesn’t help anything, but I’m in the process of changing that. My heart still isn’t as strong as it should be, and while that may improve, I will probably have to be on some medication for the rest of my life and there is some chance I’ll need a pacemaker down the road. But, all things considered, my health could be much worse.</p>
<p>Third, I’m job hunting. I’d like to find something more inline with my degree, and anything involving a call center is an absolute last resort. Even then, I’m not convinced I’d do it. Those jobs always, without fail, made me miserable.</p>
<p>Fourth, I mentioned writing music for my wife in my last entry. That stalled out, but I haven’t given up. I expect to get back to it next week, or perhaps sooner.</p>
<p>Finally, I heard the following attributed to Joe Rogan:</p>
<p>“Our country has a mental health problem masquerading as a gun problem.”</p>
<p>I believe there’s a lot of truth in that statement, but I still wonder how many of these mass shooters are either on or coming off of mind altering medications prescribed by a physician. It’s not something the mainstream media addresses, and alternate sources of news aren’t always reliable. I’ve toyed with the idea of digging into this myself, but it would be time consuming with very little potential reward.</p>
<p>That’s it for now. Be good.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978398
2017-07-15T17:00:00-07:00
2017-07-16T05:00:38-07:00
406
<p>I know it’s been a long time since my last post. I have plenty to discuss but most of it isn’t good, and I was clearly in no hurry to share my thoughts. But right now, it’s either do it or pick up a guitar. I’m choosing the former, and that says a lot.</p>
<p>I have a heart problem. Starting in early April, I went to the local ER 4 or 5 weeks in a row, skipped a week, then went back because of a fast, irregular heart beat - we’re talking around 170 bpm. It happened once before my first trip, but I just waited it out because it occurred around 3:00 am or so. I didn’t trust myself to drive, I didn’t want to wake or worry my wife, and I wasn’t sure what was happening. That was a bad decision, but I seem to be quite skilled in that area.</p>
<p>The good news is that it hasn’t happened again for about two months. I’m on a number of medications and I’ve lost approximately 40 pounds. I’ve hovered around that mark for a couple of frustrating weeks; I have about 100 to go. You might be wondering how much I weighed.</p>
<p>406.</p>
<p>Yeah, I was horrified and disgusted; more so than when I went over 300 pounds about a decade ago. The difference is I was relatively healthy then. Now? Not so much. I’ve lost weight strictly by changing my diet. I’m still horribly lazy when it comes to exercise, as in I don’t. Will I? I know I should. That might not be enough. I’ve spent most of my life avoiding exercise; it’s a huge change to make. Dramatically altering my diet wasn’t as difficult as I thought; frequent ER visits were sufficient motivation. But enough to start exercising? Apparently not.</p>
<p>The cost associated with this is significant. Yes, I have insurance, but I also have a deductible and coinsurance. Pair that up with a $2000 plumbing problem and the need for a new roof, and you get someone who already had financial issues going further down the drain. Furthermore, no one is interested in representing me and my book - The Eyes in My Dream, and my music “career” is enjoying just as much success. I recently met someone with an AMAZING voice and I thought we might make some music together, but that didn’t work out.</p>
<p>I know I’ve said something like this before, but it’s difficult to remain optimistic when a lifetime of failure is all you have. That might sound harsh, and maybe it is. I have a (leaky) roof over my head, a good job I don’t hate, a loving and amazing wife, and a few creature comforts.</p>
<p>But, what I want and have always wanted remains out of reach, so much so that continuing to try feels like a fool’s errand and a waste of time. I know many people believe in or create art for its own sake; I’m not among them. It has been my goal to make my living with it for all of my adult life, and I’ve never gotten close.</p>
<p>Yet, here I am, about to try again, sort of.</p>
<p>My wife has asked for a collection of songs she can fall asleep to at night, and I intend to honor her request. It’s the very least I can do for her. I’ll put them on my website and hope that others find value in my songs, but I don’t expect it to happen.</p>
<p>I’m probably going to self-publish my book and accompanying audio book. Maybe that will bear some fruit. Maybe.</p>
<p>I thought I might talk about all this in more detail, but as I type, I find that I don’t want to dwell on it. I have other things to do that may be more productive. Hopefully.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978397
2016-08-31T17:00:00-07:00
2016-09-01T13:00:16-07:00
Random Thoughts
<div data-block="true" data-editor="2mque" data-offset-key="ducd-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="ducd-0-0"><span data-offset-key="ducd-0-0">There are days when I scroll through my FB feed to kill a little time and I end up getting pissed off at what I see. Obama this, Trump that, Kaepernick something else, silly fucking college football rivalries, etc. For a moment or two, I consider coming up with a few sentences that encapsulate my rage or indignation in a way that is both cutting and witty. Sometimes I actually do it. Sometimes I just say something that makes me look like a prick. But most of the time, I just let it go. </span></div>
</div>
<div data-block="true" data-editor="2mque" data-offset-key="3206o-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="3206o-0-0"><span data-offset-key="3206o-0-0" data-mce-mark="1"> </span></div>
</div>
<div data-block="true" data-editor="2mque" data-offset-key="fj2ok-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="fj2ok-0-0"><span data-offset-key="fj2ok-0-0" data-mce-mark="1">Why?</span></div>
</div>
<div data-block="true" data-editor="2mque" data-offset-key="bi4n4-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="bi4n4-0-0"><span data-offset-key="bi4n4-0-0" data-mce-mark="1"> </span></div>
</div>
<div data-block="true" data-editor="2mque" data-offset-key="aqadt-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="aqadt-0-0"><span data-offset-key="aqadt-0-0" data-mce-mark="1">If I'm going to be completely honest with myself, I've never fit in properly with any group of people. I have no sense of loyalty to my hometown, my high school, or my college. I can probably count the number of people whose opinions truly matter to me on one hand; I can certainly do so on both and have fingers left over. And, I'm willing to bet that most of them don't really give much of a fuck about what I think. </span></div>
</div>
<div data-block="true" data-editor="2mque" data-offset-key="913j0-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="913j0-0-0"><span data-offset-key="913j0-0-0" data-mce-mark="1"> </span></div>
</div>
<div data-block="true" data-editor="2mque" data-offset-key="3amb4-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="3amb4-0-0"><span data-offset-key="3amb4-0-0" data-mce-mark="1">Is that good or bad? </span></div>
</div>
<div data-block="true" data-editor="2mque" data-offset-key="e5sok-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="e5sok-0-0"><span data-offset-key="e5sok-0-0" data-mce-mark="1"> </span></div>
</div>
<div data-block="true" data-editor="2mque" data-offset-key="2pf1e-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="2pf1e-0-0"><span data-offset-key="2pf1e-0-0" data-mce-mark="1">I've felt both ways about it at different times in my life. Right now, I'd say it's not good or bad. It just is. Do I want to fit in? Yes and no. I've felt a sense of belonging a few times, and it's like wrapping myself in a warm blanket when I didn't even know I was cold. But at what cost? Relationships don't last, people move on with their lives, I just piss them off, or they do the same to me. Why bother?</span></div>
</div>
<div data-block="true" data-editor="2mque" data-offset-key="ego8m-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="ego8m-0-0"><span data-offset-key="ego8m-0-0" data-mce-mark="1"> </span></div>
</div>
<div data-block="true" data-editor="2mque" data-offset-key="ccvoq-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="ccvoq-0-0"><span data-offset-key="ccvoq-0-0" data-mce-mark="1">Because we're hard wired as social creatures. The vast majority of us crave social interaction, real relationships especially, on a primal level. The problem for me is that I haven't figured out how to do that dance with most people. Or, I don't want to. I've had many friends at different points in my life. I remain on good terms with very few. Whose fault is that?</span></div>
</div>
<div data-block="true" data-editor="2mque" data-offset-key="apjk7-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="apjk7-0-0"><span data-offset-key="apjk7-0-0" data-mce-mark="1"> </span></div>
</div>
<div data-block="true" data-editor="2mque" data-offset-key="4bnqp-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="4bnqp-0-0"><span data-offset-key="4bnqp-0-0" data-mce-mark="1">Mine? Sure, to a degree. Trouble is, if I consider you a friend, I'm loyal to a fault. Or at least I used to be. Life has taught me most of you aren't worth the effort. Some of you are. But, I'm 47 now. I figure I have maybe 20 years left where my mind is intact, probably less where I can physically function at a reasonable level. </span></div>
</div>
<div data-block="true" data-editor="2mque" data-offset-key="bpke5-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="bpke5-0-0"><span data-offset-key="bpke5-0-0" data-mce-mark="1"> </span></div>
</div>
<div data-block="true" data-editor="2mque" data-offset-key="8v1jl-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8v1jl-0-0"><span data-offset-key="8v1jl-0-0" data-mce-mark="1">Why in the FUCK would I want to spend any of it doing something I don't enjoy or that isn't absolutely necessary for my survival? </span></div>
</div>
<div data-block="true" data-editor="2mque" data-offset-key="3g8fq-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="3g8fq-0-0"><span data-offset-key="3g8fq-0-0" data-mce-mark="1"> </span></div>
</div>
<div data-block="true" data-editor="2mque" data-offset-key="3gkim-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="3gkim-0-0"><span data-offset-key="3gkim-0-0" data-mce-mark="1">And that answers my first question. Sometimes it's better just to let things go than to get all worked up about them. </span></div>
</div>
<div data-block="true" data-editor="2mque" data-offset-key="bip79-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="bip79-0-0"><span data-offset-key="bip79-0-0" data-mce-mark="1"> </span></div>
</div>
<div data-block="true" data-editor="2mque" data-offset-key="65pjg-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="65pjg-0-0"><span data-offset-key="65pjg-0-0" data-mce-mark="1">Yes, there's shit that matters. Race relations seems to be a big one right now. You treat me with respect, and I'll reciprocate. As for institutional racism with those in authority, I have one simple question.</span></div>
</div>
<div data-block="true" data-editor="2mque" data-offset-key="5ddm7-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="5ddm7-0-0"><span data-offset-key="5ddm7-0-0" data-mce-mark="1"> </span></div>
</div>
<div data-block="true" data-editor="2mque" data-offset-key="rdnn-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="rdnn-0-0"><span data-offset-key="rdnn-0-0" data-mce-mark="1">Who provides them with authority?</span></div>
</div>
<div data-block="true" data-editor="2mque" data-offset-key="2lumf-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="2lumf-0-0"><span data-offset-key="2lumf-0-0" data-mce-mark="1"> </span></div>
</div>
<div data-block="true" data-editor="2mque" data-offset-key="542q6-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="542q6-0-0"><span data-offset-key="542q6-0-0" data-mce-mark="1">Ok. Guess I'm done rambling. I didn't really expect this tonight. </span></div>
</div>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978396
2016-03-16T17:00:00-07:00
2016-03-17T09:24:14-07:00
The Eyes in My Dreams
<p>Life, as they say, goes on. Regardless of how happy or miserable I may be, there are still fucking bills to pay, meals to eat, songs to create, and books to write. </p>
<p>Well, at least one.</p>
<p>I, Todd Lorenz, have successfully written my first book, and I think the plot is rather interesting. I am fascinated with Bigfoot, and another animal/cryptid that may or may not be related, dogmen. Think of it wolfish version of Bigfoot, though they tend to be smaller. The first I heard of such things may have been author Linda Godfrey on Coast to Coast AM talking about one of her books. The Beast of Bray Road documents sightings of a dogman (or dogmen) not too far from where I live. However, stories and about these things seem to occur almost all over the globe. For more info, read some of her work and listen to a podcast that I enjoy quite a bit, Dogman Encounters Radio. </p>
<p>My book came from a fairly simple idea. What if a kid stumbled across a dogman puppy? What if they formed a bond? What if they were somehow connected in ways neither understood? That was the starting point. I read through it again at the end of last week as part of an editing process, and I think it’s pretty damn good. Of course, I tend to like my own work, though I am usually critical as well. I have five people that are going to offer feedback and help me make it better. Then I’m going to try and get it published. I’ll look for a literary agent and maybe speak directly to a publisher. If I get no bites, I’ll publish it myself via Amazon or something like that. There is room for a sequel, or possibly a series, depending on how things go. </p>
<p>The tentative title is "The Eyes in My Dreams."</p>
<p>In terms of music, my next creative effort is supposed to be a batch of instrumentals. But, I confess that I find myself lacking motivation. I know I’ve discussed this before, but my music “career” has been an abject failure. I’ve written a lot of songs, most of which I like, but I have never come close to being able to making a living with it. Frankly, I’m tired of banging my head against the wall. It fucking hurts. A lot. Yes, there is something to be said for creating art for its own sake. I’d call that a hobby. Music has never been just a hobby for me. I’ve wanted more from it for nearly my whole life. Have you ever wanted something so badly that it literally hurt? Have you ever had a desire so strong that it felt like a living thing inside you, struggling to get out? That’s what a career in music has been for me. At some point, the idea of continuing to try is too painful, lacks appeal, or is simply met with indifference. </p>
<p>Of course, it’s possible that I may simply change my approach. I’ve never really written songs for anyone else, but I’ve always had an eye on a certain level of commercial success. That’s what a successful career is. Maybe instead of just giving up entirely, I’ll just create whatever I want, at whatever pace suits me, and put it up on my website without caring about any sort of financial gain one way or the other. </p>
<p>Well…until I’m independently wealthy, that last bit isn’t likely to happen. But, instead of not caring about music anymore, I suppose I may just stop caring about success. And yes, the optimist in me is screaming “and that’s when it’ll happen fucker!” </p>
<p>My internal voice is an idiot.</p>
<p>Speaking of finances, I have found a day job that pays fairly well, and I don’t fucking hate it. This is *<strong>literally</strong><strong>* </strong>the first job I can say that about since…well, I’m not really sure. The job at Microsoft wasn’t horrible, but some of the people were fucking idiots. I’m working for a small company that has been around for 25 years, and there isn’t a moron in sight. It’s a pretty good feeling. And, more importantly, it does not involve customer service on any level. </p>
<p>One more thing I want to mention. I obtained my Bachelor’s in Communications with a focus in Journalism from the University of Phoenix at the end of 2015. I have no idea what purpose the degree will serve, other than keeping me from working in a call center for the rest of my life, but I’m certain I would have not written a book if I hadn’t gone through the process. So, at least I got that going for me.</p>
<p>That’s it for now. Hopefully, I’ll start posting entries more regularly. </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978395
2016-01-17T17:00:00-07:00
2016-01-18T08:38:46-07:00
Thank you.
<p>If you know me, odds are you know that I’m a big Kevin Smith fan. Dogma has been one of my favorite movies for a long time. I’ve recently started listening to some of his podcasts (again) including one he does called Hollywood Babble On with Ralph Garman, which I find to be quite entertaining. They have a number of recurring segments, including one where they discuss those in show business who have died since the last podcast. The most recent episode includes Alan Rickman. </p>
<p>You might know that Kevin directed Rickman in Dogma. You might not know that the two developed a very real friendship after that, so it should come as no surprise that Kevin was hit really hard by Rickman’s passing. Kevin went on about how lucky he was to work with a world class actor, but more importantly, how much he regretted never really expressing how grateful he was to be able to count Rickman as a friend. It was truly an emotional outpouring that moved me, and it's what inspired this post.</p>
<p>I am not an easy man with whom to get along, and I know it. Even still, I have been lucky enough to have relationships with a few people whom I consider to be world class at what they do. I won’t name them here, but I plan to contact them individually. Some are closer than others, but all of them are better at what they do than I will ever be at anything, and while that can be painful for me, they have been kind and influential on my life in one way or another. For that, I am eternally grateful, and I offer my most sincere thanks. I love each one of them, even if I lack the courage to say so, or perhaps recognize that doing so might be awkward. Perhaps both. </p>
<p>Thank you, and I love you, or at least what you have been kind enough to do for me. </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978394
2015-06-25T17:00:00-07:00
2019-11-26T11:45:11-07:00
Two Recent Supreme Court Decisions
<p>Fair warning - rant ahead. </p>
<p>Today, the United States Supreme Court made gay marriage legal nationwide. Here's a link to an article.</p>
<p><a href="http://news.yahoo.com/us-supreme-court-rules-gay-marriage-nationwide-141601707.html" target="_blank">http://news.yahoo.com/us-supreme-court-rules-gay-marriage-nationwide-141601707.html</a></p>
<p>Yesterday, the came court issued a ruling about the Affordable Care Act having to do with subsidies. Here's another link.</p>
<p><a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/06/25/obamacare-supreme-court-decision_n_7346048.html" target="_blank">http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/06/25/obamacare-supreme-court-decision_n_7346048.html</a></p>
<p>I think I'm going to take what may be a somewhat different stance on both these issues: <strong>We're missing the fucking point. </strong>I will try to elaborate. </p>
<p>With regard to gay or same sex marriage, I really don't care. If two men or two women want to get together and make a common life for themselves, what business is it of mine? However, marriage stopped being about that a long time ago, didn't it? It's a legal term. It allows for certain privileges. Spouses cannot be compelled to testify against each other in court, and when it comes to medical decisions if someone is incapacitated, spouses get to have the final word. I won't even get into what happens from a legal standpoint with a divorce; that's a whole different discussion. Suffice it, for now, to say it's fucking crap. As far as I'm concerned, government should have the same level of interest in marriage that I do; it's none of their business. Centuries ago, marriages were arranged as a kind of alliance, whether it had to do with war, politics, or social standing. Love never entered into it. We'd like to think that's changed, but has it really, from a legal perspective? Why does it take governmental recognition of any kind to make a marriage official? And why is it their business on any level if a marriage ends? </p>
<p>Similarly, why should there be federal subsidies for healthcare? Why should there be any government involvement at all? We are supposed to be a capitalistic society; not socialist. We are supposed to be about individual rights, not taking what one person has earned and using it to benefit another. I call that theft. Yes, it's legalized theft; same as any form of tax in my book. That does not make it morally acceptable for those who prefer freedom over the mommy state. If we as a society decide that we want universal healthcare, fine. Let's just do it. This hybrid model imposed by the Affordable Care Act is unsustainable crap. Make it a tax - whether income or sales - and just do the fuck away with insurance premiums. Will it work? Hell, I don't know. Some say Canada's healthcare system works; some talk about those citizens coming here for better care. I'm no expert. I'm just expressing an opinion. I think gov't should keep their nose out of healthcare, aside from ensuring ethical practices. Yes, I know that's a whole separate issue. Right now, I'm talking about socialized medicine. How about instead of it being part of our taxes, we make it an optional fund to which we as a people could contribute? I have no problem with that. If you truly believe in socialized medicine, then you can take part of your paycheck or bank account and hand it over to the state for administration. Then people like me who prefer to hold on to fruits of their labor won't be robbed by government. </p>
<p>So, to come back to my initial statement that we're missing the point - if government and the legal system in general weren't so ingrained in our everyday lives, these issues wouldn't matter. If marriage was actually about a relationship between two people and not an institution recognized by the government, same sex marriages would already be on equal footing with those between a man and a woman. If healthcare was about actually caring for people and not turning a profit, subsidies wouldn't matter. However, some argue that profit is supposed to drive innovation. You know what else it drives? Corruption. In my opinion, healthcare today isn't about curing disease; it's about long term medications or care. We aren't patients, we're fucking customers. </p>
<p>But...I got a bit sidetracked there, didn't I? </p>
<p>I still say we as a society are missing the point. With same sex marriage, I was pretty clear. With Obamacare and government subsidies, we are already taking what someone has earned and using it to benefit someone else, and we're doing it in a way that's a clusterfuck and is adding to a national debt that is already at level that will never be repaid. Maybe we're on the road to going one way or the other with it. We should just get there already. </p>
<p>I'm aware that I may be oversimplifying these issues, particularly healthcare. But, this is my website and my blog, and these are my opinions, which are subject to change. 'nuff said.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978393
2015-04-28T17:00:00-07:00
2019-11-26T11:45:11-07:00
Fear
<p>Fear.</p>
<p>It can keep us alive in any number of situations. It is a natural response to certain types of stimuli. It can also prevent us from being our best or at least trying to reach our goals.</p>
<p>Is that really so bad?</p>
<p>Maybe not being our best is, but is not trying to reach one's goals really such a horrible thing? Here's a nasty little fucking fact that many people seem to overlook when it's convenient. </p>
<p>Not everyone reaches their goals.</p>
<p>In fact, I would guess that about 90% of the population didn't get all that close. Who wants to be an office manger when they grow up? Or work in call center? As a janitor, waiter, sales rep, or just be stuck in a goddamned cubicle performing some crappy mundane, mind numbing task? No one I know. Yet, these jobs all exist. Hell, there are people lining up for them and being turned away because our economy is in the shitter. But, here's the thing. If you don't try, you won't fail. </p>
<p>It's almost a Bhuddist thing. Attachment is the root of suffering and all that. Or, maybe being cowardly about something means never knowing the sting of failure. Is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? From where I sit, at this point in my life - I'm not sure. </p>
<p>It came to me recently that I've never really succeeded at anything. Yes, I've recorded music, and reached a few goals in that department; but I've never made a living at it. Never got close, really. So I sit here, a middle aged man of 45, wondering how much different my life would have been had I not bothered to try. I suppose that's not really true. I can't honestly say that young me would have never made a go of it. I was convinced I'd get there. However, it would be accurate to say that I wonder if I should bother with it any more. </p>
<p>Why? Because I'm afraid. </p>
<p>I'm afraid of continuing to fail. It fucking hurts. It's demoralizing. I really don't wanna do it any fucking more. If history is any indicator, my only real option is not to try. That ensures I won't fail. Trouble is that little spark of hope, that flicker of a dream, that one last fading ember in the dying fire of optimism - it never quite goes out. So, maybe I try something different. Maybe I take a different approach. Maybe i keep making music, maybe I try writing a book. After all, what's stopping me? </p>
<p>Fear. </p>
<p>You know what? </p>
<p>Fuck fear. </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978392
2015-04-13T17:00:00-07:00
2015-04-14T12:20:49-07:00
Whiny city, bitch.
<p>This entry may come off as exceptionally self indulgent and whiny. Consider yourself warned.</p>
<p>It came to me the other day that I am largely out of fucks to give, meaning I just don't care about the opinions of most people. This has always been a part of me, and considering that making a living in music relies upon others valuing what you do, we might have a problem. But, that's with any profession, isn't it? You have to have skills for which others are willing to pay, and you have to do a job well enough maintain employment. But, as with most things in my life, I'd rather make myself happy than anyone else about 95% of the time, and often to my own fucking detriment. Is that partly attributable to the human condition? Maybe. I suspect many of us have at least a little bit of that in them. I seem to have a lot. </p>
<p>But, here's the thing. People are fucking stupid. </p>
<p>What's that? You want proof? What, you can't just look around for a few minutes? Fine. Here you go.</p>
<p><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0he0cqHH20&list=PLa8S4GilqogQILnrvxLgZREFkebrMfJ3f" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0he0cqHH20&list=PLa8S4GilqogQILnrvxLgZREFkebrMfJ3f</a></p>
<p>Ok. Not <strong>all</strong> people are stupid, but it seems like most of them. And these are the fuckers to whom I need to appeal in order to successfully sell my music? </p>
<p>This may seem like a rationalization for my failure, and it may well be. The fact that I have failed at just about everything I've tried also came to me recently, and it's a bitter fucking pill to swallow. I've never had a job I loved. I've never gotten close to making a living with music, on any level. I'm obese, and while I understand how to change that, I just don't, or am unable to do so consistently. I could go on, but why bother?</p>
<p>So, why continue?</p>
<p>What choice do I really have? End my life? Not likely. I don't know what's on the other side, and doing so is unfair to those left behind. So, I keep trying. Sort of. I haven't really done much of anything that really matters to me since releasing my last album. I'm just about done with school, so I'll have more time on my hands - but that prospect is actually a bit frightening. It means I won't be able to blame my lack of effort to do something I find rewarding on a lack of time. I do that now, and have since at least the beginning of last year. While there is some truth to that tactic, if I'm being completely honest with myself, the real reason is fear. Fear of continuing to fail. Quite frankly, I'm fucking tired of it. I don't know how much more of it I can take. It is exceptionally difficult to put all of one's self into something, and have that work met with what amounts to an almost complete lack of interest from the world. But, what else can I do? I suppose I really do have some choices.</p>
<p>First, I can just quit. I've quit music before, but it didn't take. The flame of passion within roared again, fed by just the slightest spark of interest and encouragement. But, I was a younger man then. It was over a decade ago. I'm 45 now, and there are far fewer days in front of me than there are behind, and it really is much easier to just sink into my reclining couch and let some form of oblivion on television lull me into a near comatose state where my inner pain and turmoil are both temporarily shoved aside in favor of some form of bullshit entertainment in high def video and digital surround sound. </p>
<p>Second, I can just stop caring about whether or not I "make it." Attachment is the root of suffering, right? If I don't want something, not having it doesn't fucking hurt. Besides, I can just create art for art's sake, right? Right? Yes, I could. But again, if I'm going to be completely honest with myself, I want a level of success. Hell, at one point, I wanted to be a prophet of sorts; a poet whose insight and means of expression moved others the way my favorite songs, movies, and artists move me. Dream big, motherfucker. Maybe all I really am is a fat kid whose insecurities drive him to try and find acceptance on some level. Bah. Fuck you, Freud. You've been discredited. Piss off. But, the fact that I can choose to stop caring remains. </p>
<p>Third, I can rededicate myself once school is done and make another run at it, perhaps with a full band, or as a solo artist. This actually seems like the least likely scenario, because playing to audiences who don't give a fuck on any level about what I'm doing is one of the most painful things I've ever experienced. It's actually worse than active dislike, because at least that's a reaction. I don't want to do it anymore, and I don't think I can expect it to never happen again if I continue to gig. </p>
<p>So, what's going to happen? Truthfully, I'm not sure. I'm working on a batch of instrumental material, and what I have so far is good enough to justify completion. I also want to see what else I'm going to come up with. After that? I don't know right now. More original songs, maybe. I still have a nagging feeling that an acoustic cover duo/trio/band as I described in a previous post could do quite well; maybe I'll take another stab at that. </p>
<p>Whatever happens, one thing is certain. I really shouldn't just spend the rest of my life watching TV on my fucking couch. What fucking good does that do me or anyone else?</p>
<p>Fuck it. I'll keep trying world, whether you like it or not. At least until I can't. </p>
<p> </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978391
2015-03-15T17:00:00-07:00
2015-03-16T08:28:39-07:00
Time flies...
<p>...when you're having problems. </p>
<p>I wanted to try and post every other week, and do so on Sunday. That became Monday, and then before i knew it, three weeks had gone by since my last post. I did have strep throat for the first time during that time frame, and that was a big pile of suck. I finally broke down and went to see a dr (well, ok - physician's assistant) because my fucking throat was bleeding.</p>
<p>BLEEDING.</p>
<p>It scared me because I really hadn't been coughing much. I felt feverish and achey, and my throat obviously hurt, but very little coughing. A coworker said it sounded like strep, and she was right. 10 days of antibiotics for me, and it's now fine. But, then my back went out on me again.</p>
<p>I know this would happen less frequently if I simply lost some weight. 'nuff said.</p>
<p>Anyway, I have things that need my attention, so I'm afraid this is all you're going to get for this post. Maybe I'll try to do every two weeks on Tuesdays.</p>
<p>Y'all take care. </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978390
2015-02-22T17:00:00-07:00
2015-02-23T10:03:55-07:00
Ignoring the Mainstream
<p>The Academy Awards, popularly known as The Oscars, were on last night. The Grammys were on a few weeks ago. While I enjoy movies (less now than in any time in recent memory), I did not watch a single second of that show. I watched an equal amount of the Grammys. One would think that because music is my passion, I would be interested. I was not. I also pay little attention to most TV shows, and have absolutely no use for mainstream news. </p>
<p>Why?</p>
<p>Am I some conspiracy nut who believes the mainstream is full of material meant to placate the masses into eventually accepting - nay, begging for - a one world, tyrannical government? Kind of. while I believe there is some truth in that statement, it would be more accurate to say that I just don't give a fuck about whatever happens to be mainstream most of the time.</p>
<p>For perhaps the last 15 or so years, my favorite artists - in no particular order - have been Rush, Guy Davis, Todd Snider, Chris Smither, and to a lessor degree, Buddy Guy. Anyone who reads this will probably have heard of the first and last names on the list, but perhaps not the other three, and Rush really haven't been mainstream since the early 80s. Granted, they've made music and toured on a relatively consistent basis during the intervening years, but their popularity is not what it was for the Moving Pictures album; election to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame not withstanding. Buddy Guy is pretty mainstream for a blues artist. </p>
<p>I suppose my point is this. I've found that as a rule, if most of the population likes something, I probably won't. There are exceptions; I really liked the Avengers movie, and it made huge money at the box office. But music? I couldn't guess who is currently at the top of the Billboard charts, and it has been a long damn time since I cared. The music industry has made art into a product pushed out like cars on an assembly line, and while some manage to maintain their soul, most of it is generic fucking crap that offends my ears. I'm not as picky about movies, but I don't have any interest in who wins an Oscar. The last time I did, Ruby Dee didn't win Best Supporting Actress for her role in American Gangster. </p>
<p>As for the whole mind control thing, take a serious look at a typical primetime news program. I had to watch one for a recent class. It was mostly garbage, and I'm happy to avoid it. And, consider the following clips:</p>
<p> </p>
<p><iframe frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/TM8L7bdwVaA" width="560"></iframe> <iframe frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/1o9x-yDyN78" width="560"></iframe> <iframe frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/dAkxR9T01pw" width="560"></iframe></p>
<p> </p>
<p>No, I don't really watch Conan's show, and I forget how I first stumbled across one of these. He plays this up for comedy, but I fucking find it disturbing. </p>
<p>Tell me there's no way an agenda is in place. I'll just be over here, trying to mind my own business, and not lose my fucking mind over lost liberties and false flag operations on US soil.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978389
2015-02-08T17:00:00-07:00
2015-02-09T07:45:59-07:00
Mistakes
<p>I said I would start posting at least every other week as of yesterday, but I wound up having more important things to do. It was my wedding anniversary. I've been married to my wife for 11 years and we've been together for 15. We had a really nice day, and what we did is none of your damn business. </p>
<p>:-)</p>
<p>Friday night brought me an unexpected pleasure. <a href="http://dannavarro.com" target="_blank">Dan Navarro</a> called me and responded positively to my request to sit in with him during his sets at the <a href="http://cafecarpe.com" target="_blank">Cafe Carpe</a>. I say "unexpected" because I had sent a text the previous week asking if I could join him, and he didn't get back to me until that day. The man is just that busy. In any case, we had a really great time, and so did the audience. If you were there, thank you. </p>
<p>I want to share a few thoughts about mistakes; specifically, how I think we should let children - and people in general - make them. We seem to learn more from our mistakes than when we do from getting things right. I focus more on my screwups than on things I've done well because they resonate more with me. Humiliations I've endured haven't driven me to therapy or broken me down permanently; they have served as learning experiences. I think that's the way it should be. </p>
<p>For example, I don't play out on my own much anymore because I'm not really a draw. I stopped playing in bars because I got tired of being ignored. I have played mostly solo acoustic music for the last 20 years or so because I got tired of dealing with flakey, idiot musicians - and there are a lot of you. No, I do not place myself in that category. Had I been a successful solo artist, I expect I would have been supremely happy. But, it didn't happen (yet). I learned and made adjustments. I went back to school to get a degree and am almost done. I've still been making music, but it has not been my focus. Keeping a day job and finishing school have received most of my attention. I fully expect to concentrate more on music once school is done, and hopefully, I'll be able to find a more interesting day job while I still try to further my music (cough cough) career. That will involve composing a collection of instrumentals, and making videos for them and some of my other songs. After that, I am seriously toying with the idea of putting together a cover band, which I have discussed within these pages. No, I didn't get any responses that panned out, but I'm just not quite ready to let go of the idea. I think it could work, and work well, with the right people. </p>
<p>My point is this. Life is almost never fair, and usually does not work out the way we'd prefer. If we don't learn from our mistakes, we will make them over and over. I've learned that I may never make a career out of music, but that doesn't mean that I can't do something else to earn a living. Making music will always be a huge part of my life; accepting that it may not go the way I want and making the appropriate adjustments should lead to more long term happiness. </p>
<p>Should.</p>
<p>I think we do a disservice to children and people by not letting them make take their own lumps and learn lessons from them, within reason. The role of a parent is to prepare their offspring for life, not shelter them from it. That doesn't mean that you encourage a child to stick his hand in a fire in order to show that it burns. But, you can let the kid get close enough to figure it out. You can't learn to ride a bike from a verbal explanation. There are going to be some bumps and bruises involved; perhaps tears, and maybe even serious injury. Hell, death is a possibility. That doesn't mean the kid should never figure it out; riding a bike should be a huge part of childhood. </p>
<p>None of us are going to get out of life alive. What we do until then matters, and learning to do it as well as possible is important. </p>
<p>Or, you know. We can all just sit on our couches watching TV and eating ice cream. I do it more than I should. </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978388
2015-01-27T17:00:00-07:00
2015-01-28T09:21:17-07:00
Jeez.
<p>No entires since October? Is this thing working? Is this thing on?</p>
<p>Oh. Yeah. Right. It's just me straying away from regular entries, like I always seem to do. A belated Happy Holidays and Happy New Year to you all.</p>
<p>And, I don't have much else to say right now, aside from the following. I'm going to start making regular entries, at least every other week, and these entries will start a week from Sunday. </p>
<p>Y'all take care. </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978387
2014-10-15T17:00:00-07:00
2019-11-26T11:45:11-07:00
Religion
<p>I know there are people in my life whom I value that have strong faith in God.</p>
<p>I just don't get it.</p>
<p>I'm not looking to start some massive theology discussion, nor am I trying to hurt anyone's feelings. But..I just don't get it.</p>
<p>I went to a Catholic school for grades 1-6. No, I was never molested. Before that, I remember my mother requiring me to go to church and Sunday school for awhile; I'm not really sure how long. I believed.</p>
<p>Then I grew up. Real life kicked in. Some look around the world and see god everywhere. I don't. Some consider the bible to be the WORD OF GOD. I don't care how old the book is. It's a book. I don't consider it to be gospel any more than I would Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard.</p>
<p>Oh, and just for the record, fuck that guy, and fuck Scientology. If that's your "religion" and you truly believe it, I want nothing to do with you. I spent a year in Hollywood going to school around the corner from one of their recruiting centers. It's all a fucking shakedown and a pyramid scheme. Of course, I don't know how much different that is from just about any established religion.</p>
<p>Hm. What started out as a simple thought or two seems to have developed into something a bit more. </p>
<p>I haven't had any use for organized religion for most of my adult life, and I don't see that changing. I've gone from believing in some kind of power to an agnostic; I can't quite make the leap to atheist. There may be some "god" out there, but the idea that the being somehow has a plan for every soul in existence seems beyond comical to me. Is it possible? I suppose. It seems far more likely that if there is a god, he just put something in motion and either walked away, or looks in every now and again to get a laugh or two. I can't remember where I heard it, but someone once said or wrote "God is a kid with an ant farm." That seems almost reasonable to me. <em>(I wound up doing a quick Internet search...that line is from the movie Constantine)</em></p>
<p>But, you believe what you want to believe. There are people who use their faith to better their lives and those around them; more power to you. But, if your faith requires a weekly tithe, or preaches intolerance, or devalues those of differing faith on any level, keep it to yourself. Better yet, keep to yourselves. Better still, question the wisdom of your faith.</p>
<p><br>That's just my opinion. I have been known to be wrong. </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978386
2014-08-08T17:00:00-07:00
2014-08-09T02:27:57-07:00
Birthday Thoughts
<p>Today I am 45 years old.</p>
<p>Fuck. Trying to wrap my head around that actually feels a bit odd. I’ve never been overly affected by the anniversary of my birth. 21 was kind of a big deal, and so was 30 – I remember feeling more like and adult, and I actually quit smoking that year. But, why does 45 seem any different than 44 did?</p>
<p>Maybe it’s because of my circumstances. I like to think that I am capable of assessing my life with at least some objectivity and detachment. I am currently unemployed, and have never had a “real” job that fulfilled me on any level. In fact, nearly every job has been an exercise in misery, particularly during the last 10 years or so. Have I done anything to change that?</p>
<p>Actually, I have. I obtained a general Associate’s degree with a focus in communications in October of last year, and am in pursuit of a Bachelor’s degree in communications. The goal is to get a job writing and/or editing copy, or perhaps something in journalism. I may even write a book. Basically, something that pays reasonably well that does not feel like a slow, tortuous death for eight hours a day.</p>
<p>But, even that is a distant second to what I want to do, and if you’re on this page, you know that involves music. Specifically, making a living playing my music. The best I’ve done while trying to do that full time was…well, not good. Have I done anything to try and change that?</p>
<p>Not for some time. I came to the conclusion that, for whatever reason, my stuff does not appeal to enough people for me to make a reasonable income. The choice then became to either try to write stuff that had more appeal, or simply keep doing what feels right to me. Because art and music are so personal, I opted for the latter, while honing my skills. It hasn’t gotten me anywhere, but the idea of ascending to some level of popularity by riding the wings of a song I wrote that I actually hate makes me feel ill. But, I recognize that as a “me problem.”</p>
<p>A number of people have suggested that I mix a healthy does of cover songs into my repertoire. I always balked at that because whenever I have played lots of covers, I always wound up hating it. I felt like I may as well have been working a crappy office job, and we’ve covered how that feels. So, what’s to be done?</p>
<p>I have largely given up on playing live, with a few exceptions. I am considering changing that. I’d like to try an all-acoustic cover band that revamps cover tunes; I’ve discussed that within this site on a previous post. I have yet to find anyone who followed through once interest has been expressed, and I don’t know why. Maybe I just suck; maybe it’s a bad idea, or maybe there are other factors I haven’t considered. But, I think it could work, and it’s something I’d like to try.</p>
<p>I could also go on with my solo acoustic stuff, and do arrangements of cover tunes in such a way that doesn’t feel contrived or uninspired. Maybe I will; I’m still mulling that over, partly because I find that I may be reconsidering my role as a musician.</p>
<p>To me, music is more than entertainment. It’s an emotional experience that cannot properly be expressed with mere words. But, that doesn’t mean everyone shares that feeling. Maybe I should just embrace the idea that ultimately, when I’m on a stage, I’m there to entertain whoever happens to be listening/watching, and that I should do whatever is necessary (within reason) to provide an entertaining experience. That does not mean that I’m going to play the same version of “Freebird” that has been hashed out by a million bar bands. But, what about an interpretation that involves a harmonica, fiddle, banjo, and/or a mandolin? To me, that could be cool, and there are bands out there doing things like that. Hayseed Dixie comes to mind, but they are not the only ones, and I’m not about to bluegrassify everything I play. Yeah, I really think that could work. If only I could find the right people who share that feeling.</p>
<p>But, let’s change gears on this for a moment. What have I accomplished in my life?</p>
<p>Well, while there hasn’t been any real financial success, I really love a lot of my songs. Not all of them, of course, but “Heaven Ain’t That Grand” is awesome on many levels. I think a lot of my stuff is, but I don’t see the point in listing a lot of titles here. Art is always subjective.</p>
<p>What else have I done?</p>
<p>Well, I seem to make my wife happy. That’s pretty solid.</p>
<p>Anything else?</p>
<p>Umm…beginning level aikido? For about…uh…13 years or so? Granted, I relocated away from my dojo, but I have seriously neglected my practice, including stuff I should be doing on my own. But, the few tools I have in my box have been very helpful on plenty of levels.</p>
<p>And, yeah. That’s pretty much it. I can’t decide if I’m selling myself short, or even if that’s a really short list. What else is there to do that’s really important? I have no desire to have children. Ever. So, that’s out. Career wise…well, I’ve covered that, but why should a career define my life?</p>
<p>If I’m going to be completely honest with myself, the truth is that I do not have many interests that truly stimulate me. Yes, I watch movies and some TV, I have a couple of video games that I like, I am fascinated by what is and isn’t true with regard to history and so-called conspiracy theories, but at the end of the day, there is my wife, music, and everything else. While I plan to go on to get my degree and use it to find a decent job, it’s a backup plan to what I want to do; what my gut tells me I should be – need to be – doing.</p>
<p>And, the sad truth is I’ve allowed my failures to take away my drive.</p>
<p>I suppose it’s natural. How many times does one have to run into a brick wall before deciding that maybe that’s not such a good idea? Of course, maybe I should find an actual door, or go around the wall, or whatever. I don’t really want to keep using this fucking metaphor. You get my point.</p>
<p>So, again, what’s to be done?</p>
<p>In terms of original material, I’ve decided the next batch of songs will be instrumental. I’m taking a compositional approach, and so far, it’s interesting. I’m nowhere close to done, and I’m not going to put any kind of deadline on it, but I certainly hope to have something done before the end of next year.</p>
<p>In terms of playing live, I’d really like to get that band project going. If not, I may pursue solo gigs again, though once I find a job, time will become an issue.</p>
<p>In short, I will keep on keepin’ on. Preferably without banging into that same damn wall.</p>
<p>Oh, and one more thing. I’m fucking fat. I need to change that. I have before, but it never sticks. That just needs to change. Diet and exercise, I know. Just fucking do it, Lorenz, and quit fucking talking about it.</p>
<p>Y’all be good.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978385
2014-07-20T17:00:00-07:00
2014-07-21T04:10:01-07:00
Same Old Song and Dance
<p>As I start to type this entry, I don't really have anything specific in mind that I want to say. However, it's been almost a month since my last post, and I do not want to get back into the habit of neglecting my blog entirely. So, off we go.</p>
<p>I haven't had many responses to my ad for players who might be interested in doing an acoustic cover band type project. I've had a couple that seemed at least promising, but one flaked out for reasons unknown, and the other is having medical issues. I hope the latter recovers fully and quickly, and that he will get back to me when he's able. But, it is something I would still like to pursue. The ad is up in a few places, so we'll see what happens. </p>
<p>School is kicking my ass. I had recent disputes with classmates, an instructor, my academic advisor, and a financial aid type person. This is complicated by the fact that I had to take a part time job in a call center and have been unable to find anything full time. It's very frustrating, and I'm starting to really worry about my finances. </p>
<p>Musically, I've started work on compositions, but I am finding it very difficult to do so consistently. The truth is that I feel like I've been trying to get somewhere in music for most of my adult life, and the fact that I have never come anywhere close to being able to make a living from it has seriously affected my drive. It's very hard to remain motivated to do something that has no real return on investment. Yes, I do feel some need to just do it for its own sake, and because I recognize that it completes me in a way that nothing else on this planet does. However, the reality that I have next to no audience wears on me. Some days it's worse than others; lately, it's been a real bitch. </p>
<p>But, I carry on. Life is short; mine will be over soon enough, and I feel like I have plenty left to do. </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978384
2014-06-25T17:00:00-07:00
2014-06-26T09:36:18-07:00
New Project?
<p>I'm posting this because I'm considering starting a project. If I happen to find the right person or people, I will move forward with it. If I don't, I won't.</p>
<p>My name is Todd Lorenz. i've been making music in some way, shape or form for over 30 years. I've been a solo acoustic artist for around 20. I have written over 120 songs, many of which are available here on my web site. Before you respond to this ad, please take some time to listen. Chances are if you don't like what you hear, we won't be compatible.</p>
<p>Admittedly, I haven't had any real commercial success. However, an idea has been percolating for quite some time. I think there might be bookings to be had. I've never been much of one for cover songs, but I'd like to get some musicians together to do acoustic versions of popular songs and hit the bar/club scene in and around Madison. As a solo artist, bars were never much of market. I think that there may be a place for a duo, trio, or more that plays a variety of material adapted to an acoustic format. I know the 90s saw the coming and going of the whole unplugged thing, but I believe there's an audience out there who enjoys acoustic music done well that doesn't want to get their eardrums blown out by excessively loud PAs and amps.</p>
<p>What material would be covered, you ask? My first thought is blues and classic rock because that's the type of stuff I grew up enjoying. However, songs would be agreed upon by all those involved, or at least by a majority vote. I would also like to do different arrangements whenever possible. For example, I think "Whole Lotta Rose" by AC/DC would sound fantastic as a mid-tempo blues/shuffle. I can literally hear it in my head. However, something like "Free Falling" by Tom Petty doesn't seem to leave much room for tinkering, aside from the instrumentation. If you're familiar with the band Hayseed Dixie, this is almost what I have in mind. I just have no desire to make everything into a bluegrass song. Arrangements would really depend on the players.</p>
<p>So, who am I hoping to find? Players of different instruments and styles; folks who can also sing would be great. I expect that I'd take some lead vocals, but if there are people who are better at it than I am, I will have no problem deferring. Ideally, having 2 or 3 people who can sing lead and play an instrument would be great. Harmony vocals are also always a plus. If you're a singer who sings and doesn't play and you like this idea, I'd still like to talk to you. I play guitar, and lots of slide guitar. I'd like to find people who play fiddle/violin, mandolin, banjo, bass, and some kind of percussion. I don't think a full drum set would be appropriate. A cajon player would be wonderful, or even someone who can just take a phonebook and a pair of brushes and make it work. Another guitar player would be fine, but isn't necessarily a priority.</p>
<p>The goal would be to gig and make money. Simple. Having fun is great, working with others can be stimulating, and obviously, we'd all have to get along. But, I would want to get together 3-4 sets worth of material as quickly as possible, get gigs and approach this in a professional manner. I live just outside Monroe, WI which is about an hour south of Madison. i have an outbuilding than can be used as rehearsal space, but I'm open to going elsewhere, depending on the circumstances. I also have a small PA system that works for me alone, and might for 1 or 2 other people, but that's it. Hopefully, any venues would have their own PA.</p>
<p>That's the idea in a nutshell. If it sounds interesting to you, drop me a line and we'll talk about it.</p>
<p>Take care.</p>
<p> </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978383
2014-06-12T17:00:00-07:00
2014-06-13T09:50:52-07:00
Life is Short
<p>I started out to make this post about how horribly short life can seem, largely inspired by the passing of Ruby Dee. CNN discusses her here:</p>
<p><a href="http://www.cnn.com/2014/06/12/showbiz/obit-ruby-dee/" target="_blank">http://www.cnn.com/2014/06/12/showbiz/obit-ruby-dee/</a></p>
<p>As if to add to that, I was just informed via Facebook that a man whom I never met, but knew though a forum on a web site, has also died. I see no need to name him, or to sensationalize either death at all, but they do sort of represent different ends of the same spectrum. </p>
<p>I don't follow mainstream news at all, but Ms. Dee's son called to tell me she had passed, and that he had been lucky enough to be with her when she drew her last breath. I'm in no rush to die, but it would be nice to have loved ones around me when it happens. She was 91, and had one hell of a career. I was able to offer her son and grandson my condolences. </p>
<p>As for the man I never met, I do know he was a doctor, and was just beginning that career. I'm guessing he was fairly young. Even on the board in question, we weren't "close," but he seemed like a decent enough guy. This was apparently him:</p>
<p><a href="http://www.whlt.com/story/25594890/pedestrian-killed-on-us-19-in-largo" target="_blank">http://www.whlt.com/story/25594890/pedestrian-killed-on-us-19-in-largo</a></p>
<p>I don't know any of his friends or family, but I'm sure they're hurting, and they have my sympathy. </p>
<p>Life really is a terminal disease.</p>
<p>This is where many people will go on about how they're going to treasure every moment, live life to the fullest, and spout any number of other inspirational messages. Not me. At least, not now. I won't sit here and say that I've always done my best in my life. Sometimes I have, but most of the time, I haven't. I'm often lazy and stubborn, and truth be told, I can't quite let go of the bitterness I feel about not really being anything resembling successful with my music. Mostly, but not quite. If attachment is the root of my suffering, I am likely to always suffer at least a little over this dream.</p>
<p>But, here's the deal (do I need to pay Papa Chuck royalties when I use that phrase?). I think life is about balance. I can't go all out in any given direction all the time, even with something I love. I either grow resentful, or burned out, or whatever. Even when I did a new song every week for a year while working full time, I needed to have some down time. Maybe that's just me and my personality, and maybe it's one of the many reasons I'm not rolling around in money a la Scrooge McDuck. </p>
<p>What I will do is try to balance what I think I need with what life seems to dictate. Honestly, that seems to be about the best that I can expect these days. </p>
<p>Y'all take care. </p>
<p> </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978382
2014-05-11T17:00:00-07:00
2014-05-26T01:43:19-07:00
Fire Breathing Reptile
<p>I am currently 44 years of age. I'm married, have a mortgage, and lots of pets. We have no children by choice. Essentially, I'm just pointing out that I am a grown man and have most of the responsibilities that usually entails. I've also found that many of my tastes have changed over the years, which I suppose is normal. I loved a number of sitcoms as a kid; now I can't stand the genre. I never had a taste for history while I was in school, and now it fascinates me. I used to have faith and trust our political and legal systems, and now - not so much. Hell, I've even largely lost my affinity for old Warner Brothers cartoons (mainly because of the way they marketed the DVD box sets, but never mind that). </p>
<p>But, some things remain the same.</p>
<p>I've always loved music. Ice cream is still a weakness. I continue to have a soft spot for animals. And, I apparently still get pumped up by Godzilla.</p>
<p>Like many kids, I loved most of those Japanese monster movies. As an adult, I can recognize how bad many of them really are. However, there are some that hold up. I was at the first possible showing for the American Godzilla film in 1998, and at the time, I liked it. Didn't love it. Today, I know it's damn near awful. I still watch it from time to time, along with a few of the older films, and three of the newer Gamera movies. It should therefore come as no surprise that I am really excited about the Godzilla film that will be out this week, and that I plan to attend a very early showing. This is not the norm; I usually wait a week or two and attend screenings I hope will be less busy. But, I ain't waiting this time.</p>
<p>I've managed to keep the film mostly out of mind, though I was highly interested when it was announced a couple of years ago. Now I've seen trailers and a few short clips via Hulu, and I feel that childlike enthusiasm building. I've stopped trying to contain it, and I really want the film to be AWESOME. I'm even slightly optimistic that it will be good. I'll find out either Thursday night or early Friday. </p>
<p>I suppose that's one reason we enjoy movies like this; we want to rediscover that sense of childhood wonder.</p>
<p>Y'all be good. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>5/15/14 EDIT:</p>
<p>5 Ways To Improve The New Godzilla Movie </p>
<p>I thought of this stuff on my way home from seeing the new movie, and thought I might work up a pitch for Cracked.com. But, I came to realize the idea doesn’t really meet their guidelines. I decided to go ahead and type out a few thoughts. </p>
<p>For the record, the movie was ok, and I thought it could have been a lot better. Here are 5 ways I think it could have been improved. </p>
<p>1. More actual Godzilla. </p>
<p>Maybe I’m alone on this one, but when I go to a Godzilla movie, I expect to see the titular character a lot. Because he’s the reason I’m there. He occupies a warm and fuzzy spot in my childhood memory, and I can’t tell you how many Saturday afternoons I spent watching him (well, the man in suit equivalent) kick the shit out of his various enemies. Bear in mind that I grew up before the home video market exploded; VCRs and movie rentals didn’t really become a major thing until I was in high school. That meant that if a movie showed up on regular TV that I dug, my ass was watching it. In fact, I watched the Godzilla films from the 1970s so frequently that I could identify them based on scenery and dialogue, without the benefit of seeing a single monster. </p>
<p>Yeah…I watched too much TV as a kid. </p>
<p>Godzilla isn’t even the first monster to be fully revealed in the film. That honor goes to <a href="http://www.godzilla-movies.com/media/godzilla_2014___m_u_t_o__monster_concept_by_dj1nnsgr1mo1r3-d78y1dn.jpg" target="_blank">MUTO</a>, which is an acronym for Massive Unidentified Terrestrial Organism. The first one we see has wings, can fly, and turns out to be male. Later in the film, we get a look at his female counterpart, which is wingless. It was kind of cool to lead the audience to believe that we’d be seeing Godzilla, only to reveal a different creature, but c’mon now. I don’t want to see more of those monsters than I do their King, especially when he looks and sounds so damn cool. <a href="http://movies.cosmicbooknews.com/sites/default/files/imagecache/600_wide/wysiwyg_imageupload/1/godzilla-new-ew.jpg" target="_blank">And thankfully</a>, <a href="http://img2.timeinc.net/ew/i/2014/04/19/GODZILLA.jpg" target="_blank">he really does</a>. He is not <a href="http://cdn.screenrant.com/wp-content/uploads/godzilla-1998.jpg" target="_blank">a giant fucking gila monster</a>, and for that I am grateful. The first full shot of him, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lxg4dVEH9Dw" target="_blank">accompanied by his trademark yell</a>, had me grinning like a happy little kid. But, it seemed like we waited too long for that moment, and I spent too much time watching human characters. Yes, I know, the movie can’t be all monsters, all the time. </p>
<p>Well…actually…no, I don’t know that. Fuck you, movie makers! Just give me all monsters, all the time. You don’t even need actors! Just CGI some fuckers getting squashed by giant monster feet, or flying planes that get trashed, or trains that get eaten, or tanks that get melted, or whatever. If you really must set up some story to go along with kaiju trashing each other and their surroundings, fine. I can accept that and a small amount of origin and/or background story, because you seem to think I need human drama in order to become emotionally invested. But, here’s a little secret you apparently don’t know. </p>
<p>I already care. That’s why I bought a ticket. I’m in; I’m hooked. Watching Bryan Cranston act his ass off over having to sacrifice his wife and obsessing over the cause of the meltdown was pretty good, but then his character is killed off before we get a good look at Godzilla. Maybe they were afraid Heisenberg would upstage him?</p>
<p>So, please. If you guys at Legendary end up making a sequel, or if Toho decides to do another series of films, just give me more of Godzilla. Or, at least have the film’s title be more accurate; something like “People You Don’t Give Two Shits About and Godzilla” would at least make for less disappointment. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>2. Godzilla is not a hero. </p>
<p>The original film, Gojira, was dark and sinister, not campy at all, and the monster was very definitely the villain. It was an allegory for the atomic bombs that were used on Japan to end WWII, and perhaps for the war in general, and some have argued that it helped heal the nation deal with its collective grief. It also did not feature Raymond Burr. He was edited in for the American version. </p>
<p>It wasn’t until later films that we got <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TTwH5nqRvOo" target="_blank">hokey shit like this</a>: </p>
<p><iframe frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/TTwH5nqRvOo" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="420"></iframe></p>
<p>Don’t get me wrong; I loved said hokey shit as a kid. But now, I appreciate Gojira more, and love movies like Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack, where Godzilla is just this unstoppable force of nature that just kicks the crap out of everything in his way, be it man, monster, or otherwise.</p>
<p>In the new movie, Godzilla is portrayed as an apex predator and nature’s form of checks and balances against the previously mentioned MUTO. This puts him on the good guy side, much like he was in any number of the 1970s campy movies that I now find hard to stomach, sentimental value aside. That’s not to say that this film is goofy; it is not. But, I find that I highly prefer Godzilla as an evil, merciless form of destruction.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>3. The first fight scene in a Godzilla movie should NOT be viewed from the perspective of a child watching TV.</p>
<p>Seriously. The first time we see monsters fight, it’s on a TV being watched by a kid. Fucking horrible. Way to tease me and keep me from seeing the reason I bought a ticket, Hollywood. Once we get to some actual kaiju combat, it’s pretty damn good, and I particularly like the way he finishes off each opponent. But, similar to the way I don’t feel like I got enough Godzilla time, I didn’t get enough fighting monsters, partially because…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>4. The fight scenes in a Godzilla movie should not serve as transition pieces to what the human characters are doing.</p>
<p>It happened at least three times. I’m watching big-ass monsters beat on each other, then the camera pans and follows the human characters so I can watch them instead. </p>
<p>Um. No. Do not like. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>5. Godzilla does not need help from humans with vanquishing his enemies. </p>
<p>Yeah, this is almost unforgiveable to me. The two MUTOs are just about to put an end to Godzilla (pffft…yeah, right), and they are distracted from finishing the job by a human character blowing up/setting fire to their offspring. Godzilla, of course, then makes a comeback and takes them down one at a time.</p>
<p>SHENANIGANS!!!!</p>
<p>This is fucking Godzilla we’re talking about, and the two assclowns he’s fighting against don’t have any kind of missile weapon. Atomic blue fire of doom from a distance FTW, all day long! </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978381
2014-04-27T17:00:00-07:00
2014-04-28T07:07:06-07:00
Still Going
<p>Three weeks since my last post. I really need to avoid these absences; my apologies. But, I do have an idea or thought I wanted to discuss. </p>
<p>As I get older and look back at my life so far - and truly, what will likely end up being the meat of it - I haven't exactly had much success. I did manage to marry a wonderful woman and have at least a few very close friends whom I trust, but I was referring more to financial prosperity. I've never had a day job I really liked or enjoyed, and I've never made anything resembling decent money with my music. Yet, I seem to plod on.</p>
<p>I'm making an effort to change things. I obtained an Associate's Degree last year, and am in the process of getting a Bachelor's. I'm also writing a book, though the content is dark and different enough that I am likely to use a pen name. Musically, I had a really nice gig at Wild Hog in the Woods in February, and I thought about gigging regularly again. I tossed out a few lines, but didn't really get any bites. I could be more persistent about it, but I don't really see the point. I stopped playing out - except for a few select gigs - for good reasons, which I have previously discussed. You can check my archives if you're interested. My next musical project will likely be instrumentals and make use of composition software to provide voices for instruments I can't play. Will it take me any closer to where I'd like to be? I have no idea, but it seems like the next logical step to me. I've done a lot of blues and solo acoustic songs, and plenty of full band arrangements. Taking a stab at being more of a composer feels right. But, I have yet to actually start writing that material. Other things are taking priority right now. </p>
<p>Yeah, I'm getting to my point. As I look back, I realize that I have nearly always preferred to try and make my own way, and whether the road seems easy or not very rarely has anything to do with my choices. I was an only child raised by a single mother with a lot of help from my maternal grandparents. I was a white kid in a small town on the Mexican/California border, which made me a distinct minority. It's no surprise that I tend to prefer my own company and to work alone whenever possible. But, my upbringing is just part of why. I haven't exactly had the best luck with jobs, relationships, or people in general. I was once very open and trusting; experience has made me more than a little bitter and jaded. </p>
<p>So, I find myself now at a point where I really don't want to keep making the same mistakes. I'm currently unemployed, but I refuse to take a job similar to what I've already done. Financial considerations may change that eventually, but for now, I'm trying to find something more in tune with who I am. I hope to complete this book and see if maybe - just maybe - it will provide a reasonable level of income. I don't exactly have any reason to be optimistic about any of this, but what's the alternative? Fall into a nasty sort of malaise and wait out my days in misery?</p>
<p>I'd really rather not.</p>
<p>Y'all be good.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978380
2014-04-06T17:00:00-07:00
2014-04-06T22:00:48-07:00
21-1
<p>I sit here watching a replay of WrestleMania 30 on the WWE network, a 44 year old fan with mixed emotions about a form of art I've loved (on and off) for roughly 28 years. There was really only one thing I wanted to see going in, and there are two big stories coming out. </p>
<p>Daniel Bryan is the WWE champ, having won two matches last night. The man spent 10 years working the independent circuit and was called the best in the world by some before he ever showed up on WWE television. To say that he spent a long time paying dues is an understatement. He is now the champ largely because the audience DEMANDED it. As a fan and "smart mark" I'll never know for sure, but the conventional wisdom was that Dave Batista was brought back after a four year absence to become champ because he has a major role in a predicted summer blockbuster. </p>
<p>The fans, however, had other ideas.</p>
<p>Batista was roundly booed, and to the WWE's credit, they listened to their audience and changed what most perceived to be their booking plans. It may have taken longer than we liked, but it really is a great story. If you follow the WWE, you know what I mean. If you don't, you don't care. I'll move on to the other big WM story.</p>
<p>Brock Lensar ended the Undertaker's unbeaten WM streak. I don't know anyone that saw this coming, mainly because Lesnar is a part timer. Because of his appeal, he negotiated a deal that requires far fewer dates than any other wrestler in a similar spot on the roster - which is fine. I don't blame him for a minute. But, that means he shouldn't be champ, and he shouldn't end THE STREAK. So, why did it happen?</p>
<p>A number of fellow smarks have speculated that Mark Callaway - The Undertaker - made the decision, and perhaps even did so during the match. I have no doubt Mr. Callaway made the call, but I doubt it occurred that late in the process. In any case, my best guess is that the man just wants to retire. He's been a pro wrestler for about 25 years, and while he has really only worked a few weeks a year over the course of the last 5, there is no doubt that his body has given about all it can. He is nowhere near the same athlete he was as a young man, and he honestly looked bad in the ring last night. It was time.</p>
<p>But...to Brock Lensar? </p>
<p>I suppose there were a few that thought this would happen, but 99% of us were utterly shocked. The live crowd at the event was in complete disbelief. And, perhaps worst of all, this had a direct effect on the crowd response to Daniel Bryan's moment of triumph. In my opinion, the crowd reaction was lacking. They were deflated. </p>
<p>Wrestling, and stories in general, work the best when there is an emotional impact. Sometimes that impact is bad. Think of a movie you enjoyed right up until the ending ruined it. Roadhouse, Point Break, and Fight Club come to my mind. This is somewhat similar. To the crowd, it was a given that Undertaker would win. When he lost cleanly, it was a swerve that no one wanted. </p>
<p>Bryan managed to get the crowd back in his corner, but I can't help but wonder how much more impact the moment would have had if 'Taker had not lost. The reaction when HHH lost in the night's opener was much hotter. </p>
<p>One could argue that a 4 hour event has something to do with a crowd being worn out, and that might be true. Overall, the show was booked very well. But that one loss, the one blemish, that resonating count of three, might be the biggest story of the night. And it shouldn't be. At least not when a part timer who really doesn't like wrestling that much is involved.</p>
<p>But, onward we go. Monday Night Raw should be a fun watch tonight.</p>
<p>In other news, school progresses for me. I expect to start work on a collection of instrumental material soon, and I am considering starting a cover band.</p>
<p>Y'all take care. </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978379
2014-03-25T17:00:00-07:00
2022-03-22T05:50:52-07:00
Time After Long Black Veil
<p>I'm trying to do one post a week, but I don't always have anything to say. I suppose y'all should be grateful. But, I did stumble into something this evening/morning. </p>
<p>My wife and I are going through all the seasons of the "Bones" TV show via Netflix, and Cyndi Lauper guest stars on one of the episodes. This led to me tracking down acoustic versions of her song "Time After Time" on youtube. There are many, but I'll just share a couple. </p>
<p>Here's a nice one with Sarah McLachlan.</p>
<p><iframe frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/JPE1lr1pcUc" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="420"></iframe></p>
<p> This one is probably my favorite.</p>
<p><iframe frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/2aeMoV6xFZs" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="420"></iframe></p>
<p>This led to checking out versions of Long Black Veil. And again there are many. Feel free to poke around on your own, but I feel the need to bring something to your attention that befuddles me. If I say the name "Barry White," what comes to your mind? The deepest of soulful baritones that instantly causes women's panties to fly off? Yeah, me too. So...would someone please explain this to me? </p>
<p><iframe frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/Oe4E1RhRwQY" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="420"></iframe></p>
<p>In case you've started to listen to this and are perplexed as to why your panties - or those of the woman closest to you - remain in place, allow me to explain. It's an instrumental track. <br><br>Yup. A song with Barry White's name on it without his voice. </p>
<p>I'm now looking for a Jimi Hendrix song that has no guitar. </p>
<p>I was really kind of tickled when I found this, right up until I realized there was no vocal track. I was left with visions of producers leaving off the vocals as a joke, or perhaps being too high or drunk to actually remember to record and/or mix them. <a href="http://www.allmusic.com/album/the-walrus-of-love-mw0001661334" target="_blank">I found a review</a> that mentions the song as notable, but neglects to state that the man doesn't actually sing on it. </p>
<p>Mind. Blown. </p>
<p>Anyway, I'm toying with the idea of putting together an acoustic cover band, and these are probably two songs I'd like to do. That's it for now. Y'all take care. </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978378
2014-03-17T17:00:00-07:00
2014-03-18T06:06:46-07:00
Making Memories
<p>I don't remember what let me to this clip the other day, but I find that I come back to it periodically: </p>
<p><iframe frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/PLqb64Pb9So" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="420"></iframe></p>
<p> </p>
<p> It's a wonderful song sung by Harry Belafonte on The Muppet Show, and I remember watching it as a kid. Of course, he also did The Banana Boat song and had a drum duel with Animal:</p>
<p> </p>
<p><iframe frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/Euc9MMRtuSg" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="420"></iframe></p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p><iframe frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/TaXCQ_wZidU" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="420"></iframe></p>
<p> </p>
<p> Not only did I like these clips, I actually really enjoyed Harry Belafonte's music. My mom had a "Best of" cassette that I may have listened to more than she did. But, there's something about that "Turn The World Around" that always brings me back. It moves me. It did then, and it does now. </p>
<p>Here's another clip I remember from The Muppet Show: </p>
<p> </p>
<p><iframe frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/R6Oq0aB0LQw" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="420"></iframe></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yeah, that's For What It's Worth. The 2nd and 3rd verses are changed, and <a href="http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/For_What_It's_Worth" target="_blank">a bit of net research</a> indicates that no one has ever been credited publicly for the rewrite. The first time I actually heard he song, I'm pretty sure I saw this video in my head...though only the chorus struck.</p>
<p>I guess my point is that we all have things we loved as kids that carry over. I still love Godzilla, though I recognize a good number of the films just don't hold up to viewing as an adult. I wish that Disney would put out a home disc version of Song of the South, though my bootlegged copy indicates that the film really isn't all that great. However, I have fantastic memories of listening to the soundtrack at my grandmother's house. There were a few Disney films, actually...Song of the South, Mary Poppins, and Peter Pan come to mind. It's no coincidence that I own copies, even though I don't have children. </p>
<p>Oh, my point. Art of quality stands up over time. I'm not a Beatles fan, but I expect their stuff to pretty much live forever. Kiss won't. Yeah, I know, art is subjective. Maybe to you, "Love Gun" is every bit as poignant as "Yesterday." Whatever. If you have kids, please expose them to as many different types of art that you consider to be appropriate as possible. You never know what will stick or what will inspire, and the reasons something resonates may never be clear. But, I fully expect your kids to be forever grateful. </p>
<p> </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978377
2014-03-04T17:00:00-07:00
2014-03-05T05:01:36-07:00
Another Short Entry
<p>I am officially sick and tired of winter and cold weather. I've had frozen pipes in my home three times this year (and it's never happened before), I have plenty of snow in my yard - including a drift big enough and close enough to my fence that one of my dogs has escaped twice (he's fine) - we may get some more tonight, and the 10 day forecast indicates it really won't be warm enough to melt any off in the foreseeable future. </p>
<p>Yeah. I'm totally done with this crap.</p>
<p>On the optimistic side, I continue to have voiceover jobs trickle in. I've auditioned for a few more audible books, and Gina Watson will be having me start another of hers next week. I'm also still toying with the idea of trying to find some gigs I'd actually enjoy. We'll see how that shakes out. </p>
<p>Not much else to report at the moment. Y'all take care.</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978376
2014-02-25T17:00:00-07:00
2014-02-26T14:03:27-07:00
A Short Entry
<p>The gig last Friday went quite well, and thanks to all who came out. I had a good time, and those in attendance seemed to enjoy themselves immensely...if their response and tips are any indication. I did sort of blow my voice out during the first set, so that was a bit of a problem. It was during Big Bad Man, and I just got carried away belting out the vocals. I'd guess that had I been playing out consistently before this, it would not have happened. Lesson learned.</p>
<p>I have no other gigs booked right now, and I'm currently unsure about whether or not I will pursue more, and if I do, how hard I'll push. I'm not working a regular job right now, but I am trying to make progress with voice overs and I am in school online. In fact, I just finished my first class in pursuit of my Bachelor's degree in Communications. I'm currently leaning towards chasing gigs in venues I'm likely to enjoy, which generally means a listening room type environment. I have to do plenty of things I don't like in my life; playing music in bad venues shouldn't be among them. </p>
<p>Speaking of the class I just completed, it was my first experience with "Learning Teams." It wasn't horrific, but I wouldn't call it pleasant either. There are a number of reasons I play solo acoustic music, and not having to depend on others is among them. </p>
<p>Guess that's it for now. Y'all be good. </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978375
2014-02-15T17:00:00-07:00
2014-02-16T08:51:59-07:00
Choices
<p class="p1">There’s no going back, there’s no return - there’s just my life.</p>
<p class="p2">- Me, as Snuffy Wilson </p>
<p class="p1">Choices. We make them every day. Some are more dramatic than others. Some are life changing. Some have repercussions that remain unknown to us. </p>
<p class="p1">Back in the late 1980s and early 1990s, bass guitar was my main instrument. I also sang poorly, and wrote songs, generally on guitar. I was in a few bands whose genre ranged from blues and blues rock to progressive rock. None of them were successful on any level, and looking back, it’s not difficult to see why. We weren’t very good. </p>
<p class="p1">However, my experience within a band environment and dealing with musicians was bad enough that I have never again sought to be part of a band. Since that time, I have focused largely on being a solo acoustic artist. While I haven’t achieved what I wanted, I’d say I’ve gotten more satisfaction and success on my own, which is fine. Still, how would my life be different had I chosen to be in other bands, either solely as a bassist, or perhaps playing guitar and maybe singing? I have no way of knowing. I can say with a high degree of certainty my life to date has taught me that I just don’t get along well with most people, and particularly groups of just about any kind. Considering I was an only child who grew up as a minority in a small town, I suppose that’s not exactly surprising. There have been times when I actively sought friends and social bonds, but I’ve given up looking. If I happen to stumble across something, I’m grateful and I allow the relationship to take its course...but it’s rather telling that I’ve lived in WI since 2006 and anyone I’d consider a close friend (aside from my wife) lives in AZ, WA, or CA. </p>
<p class="p1">It’s that relocation in 2006 that led me to this blog entry. The short version is that life in the AZ desert didn’t suit my wife, and she wanted to go back to Madison, WI. There were only a couple of things that could have kept me in AZ. One was Jiyushinkai, and the other was the fact that my grandfather and mother lived a few hours away in CA. I’m not much of one to ponder “what if” scenarios, but every once in awhile, I wonder how my life would be different if we had stayed in AZ. </p>
<p class="p1">My first thought is usually that my wife would have been miserable. She has issues with migraine headaches, and the heat of AZ wasn’t exactly helpful. There were also relationships I had with a couple of professional musicians - whom I considered somewhat briefly to be friends - that I probably would not have had. But perhaps the biggest difference would be that I would probably still be actively involved and practicing with Jiyushinkai. I really miss those folks and that practice; sometimes it’s painful. Of course, it’s possible that I could have somehow screwed up that relationship. As it stands now, I’m welcome to visit and train as often as I like, which is something. </p>
<p class="p1">I often feel like my current course in life is equal to that of a blind man stumbling around in an unfamiliar environment. It’s not that I haven’t tried to implement plans or somehow better myself and/or my circumstances; I have. It’s not that I am not currently doing things that will hopefully effect my future in a positive manner; I am. But sometimes it seems that no matter what I do, I’m stuck between crappy jobs I dislike and making music largely for myself. It could be worse. I could be homeless and unable to make music at all. At least my choices haven’t led me to that path. Yet. </p>
<p class="p1">I need salvation, I need relief from what keeps bringing me down<br>Bring me some comfort, bring me some joy,<br>bring me my six feet of ground.</p>
<p class="p2">- Me, as Snuffy Wilson</p>
<p class="p1">Still, I called my latest collection of songs Hope for a reason. </p>
<p class="p1">I won't be broken<br>I won't back down<br>I won't give up<br>I will rise above</p>
<p class="p2">I may stumble every once in awhile<br>I may fall apart<br>I may break a few bones<br>I may have a few scars<br>but you, oh you,<br>you can't hold me down<br>cause I wear my pain like a badge<br>and I'm still around</p>
<p class="p1">I Will Rise Above</p>
<p class="p2">- Me, from I Will Rise Above</p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978374
2014-02-10T17:00:00-07:00
2014-02-11T15:21:57-07:00
Inner Voice and Instinct
<p class="p1">What is the difference between trusting one's instincts or listening to one's inner voice and rationalizing one's own bullshit or giving in to one's own fears? When can one reasonably rely on past experiences as a true indicator of what may be a matter of self preservation, and when can someone reasonably assume that one's own perceptions might not be the truth? </p>
<p class="p1">Example: Just about every fiber in my being screamed that I didn't want to go back to school. Yet, here I am, in the 4th week of 5, doing well so far…even if the so-called "Learning Teams" are proving to be a pain in my ass. </p>
<p class="p1">Example: Everything I am rebels at the thought of ever working in a call center again. it's just an explosion waiting to happen, and oddly enough, one of the main reasons I decided to go back to school was so that I could get skills/an education that would keep me out of call centers. </p>
<p class="p1">So, what's the difference? Notice that in the first example, I said "I didn't want", and in the second, I used stronger words. I push through the first scenario for the greater good and I avoid the second for similar reasons. Yes, I could work again in a call center and do well for awhile, until the frustration builds up and things go fucking sideways. One is trusting my instincts, and the other is pushing through fear or discomfort. </p>
<p class="p1">Just a thought or two about that is all I wanted to convey. </p>
<p class="p1">Gig coming up on 2/21/14…looking forward to it. Should be fucking brilliant. </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978373
2014-02-02T17:00:00-07:00
2014-02-03T14:53:13-07:00
Just a few Thoughts
<p class="p1">I have a gig coming up on 2/21/14 in Madison; info is on my calendar. I’m really looking forward to this. I’ll be playing a number of songs that have never been performed for an audience. It should be a great night. </p>
<p class="p1">I just completed work on my first audio book. It’s an erotic romance called Suited by Gina Watson, and I think that someone who is fond that genre would enjoy it. <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Suited-Erotic-Romance-Martin-Family-ebook/dp/B00H5WVOBA/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1391490213&sr=8-1-spell&keywords=suited+gina+wason" target="_blank">You can find it here</a>. </p>
<p class="p2">When the audio is available, I’ll post a link. Ms. Watson enjoyed my work and offered me the chance to do another of her books, and I expect to start work on that this week. </p>
<p class="p2">I watched Seattle destroy Denver yesterday; didn’t see that coming. I heard one commentator predict it would be a blowout (can’t remember who; he was on Colin Cowherd’s show), but most everyone else figured it would be close. I was just hoping for a competitive game. </p>
<p class="p2">I’m back in school again, so I won’t be having as much time to devote to music. Next up will be a collection of instrumentals. As of now, I’m not working with any kind of deadline. I’d also like to put together videos for some of my existing stuff, but I didn’t really like my previous experience with iMovie. If anyone has any software suggestions, I’d like to hear them.</p>
<p class="p1">That’s it for now. Be good. </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978372
2014-01-26T17:00:00-07:00
2014-01-27T17:03:17-07:00
Listen to your Audience
<p class="p1">Admittedly, I would prefer to make my living as a performing singer/songwriter. That hasn’t happened yet. But, if I ever get to that point, I will need to remember one simple rule, perhaps above all others. </p>
<p class="p1">Listen to your audience. </p>
<p class="p1">Let’s say I somehow manage to have something resembling a hit song. It propels me to where I am able to make a respectable living. But, after awhile, I get tired of singing it every night. But, the audience loves it. Guess what. As much as I want to be able to make a living doing what I love, I’m playing that song, even if I grow to hate it. Why? Because it’s my damn meal ticket. Because it’s one song out of a two hour performance. And mainly, because I wouldn’t want to go back to having a “real” job. </p>
<p class="p1">I don’t talk about professional wrestling much within these pages, but I’m going to now. Vincent Kennedy McMahon is not listening to his audience. Last night was the annual Royal Rumble event, a pay per view that I generally enjoy because the match itself is usually very entertaining. However, the story last night is about the crowd reaction to the product. </p>
<p class="p1">Those of you who don’t follow wrestling may not have any idea about who Daniel Bryan is. Suffice it to say that right now, he is clearly the most popular wrestler in the eyes of the fans. He consistently gets the loudest, most sustained reactions and probably has for a least a couple of years. In the wrestling world, this is generally enough of a reason to make a guy the champion. It happened to Hogan, Austin, Rock, and John Cena. Daniel Bryan has actually held the main WWE Championship, winning it at SummerSlam by cleanly beating John Cena last August. </p>
<p class="p1">For about 2 minutes.</p>
<p class="p1">Then Randy Orton cashed in his Money in the Bank contract (he won an event which gave him the chance to get a title match any time he liked). HHH in his capacity as guest referee for the match which had just concluded then hit Bryan with his finishing move and gave Orton the belt. </p>
<p class="p1">So-called smart wrestling fans (smart marks, or smarks) saw this coming. A large percentage of us figured this would result in a program where Daniel Bryan eventually took the belt from Orton and the WWE would see how well Bryan drew (how much money he made via pay per views and sales of tickets and merchandise) before he inevitably lost his spot as the #1 guy. </p>
<p class="p1">Not so much.</p>
<p class="p1">What followed was three months of Daniel Bryan losing and being verbally buried by onscreen bad guy (heel) authority figures. Three weeks ago, Bryan joined a heel group, and the fans - online and in arenas - clearly weren’t having it. Two weeks later, the WWE did the right thing and aborted that angle, having Bryan leave the Wyatt family. It was a truly special moment as one man led a packed arena in excess of 10,000 people in chanting a single word which has been his catchphrase - “YES!” The crowd was happy. And perhaps more importantly, it appeared that the WWE had finally decided to listen to their audience. </p>
<p class="p1">Not so much. </p>
<p class="p1">Daniel Bryan and Bray Wyatt (leader of the heel group just discussed) opened last night’s Royal Rumble with a fantastic match. The crowd was hot; very enthusiastic and responsive throughout. Bray Wyatt actually won, but did so in a manner that was reasonable and realistic - at least from the perspective of professional wrestling. The audience was somewhat deflated, but being a “smart” crowd, seemed to understand the outcome. The next match was Brock Lesnar vs The Big Show, and Lesnar won. It was a fairly quick match, and the crowd was into it. Nothing really wrong here. </p>
<p class="p1">But then came the championship match of Randy Orton vs John Cena. The crowd crapped all over them from the start. “Daniel Bryan” chants started almost immediately and were heard throughout, along with “boring”, “this is awful”, “we want Divas”, and “you both suck.” The problem wasn’t the wrestlers involved; they worked hard and tried to win the crowd over. They failed because the majority of the people who bought a ticket to sit in that arena and watch that show wanted Daniel Bryan to be in that match. They want to see Daniel Bryan as champion, and they took their opportunity to make it clear to the WWE. </p>
<p class="p1">I would have paid a large amount of money for a backstage camera trained on Vincent Kennedy McMahon. </p>
<p class="p1">Orton won after a distraction by the Wyatt Family, which sets up a feud with John Cena. That’s fine. Next came the Royal Rumble itself. The winner gets to headline the biggest event of the year, WrestleMania, in a title match. Daniel Bryan was not scheduled to be part of it. The crowd clearly didn’t care. </p>
<p class="p1">The match works like this. There are 30 participants, starting with the first two in the ring. Every 90 seconds, a new man enters. Wrestlers are only eliminated once they have gone over the top rope and both feet have landed on the floor. Sometimes those stipulations come into play in determining a winner, but they did not on this occasion. </p>
<p class="p1">The “Daniel Bryan” chants didn’t start until around the 20th man entered. The crowd clearly became increasingly irritated as each new entrant wasn’t named Daniel Bryan. When Rey Mysterio came in as the last man, that was it. Nearly everone and every move was roundly booed. It was fascinating to watch. </p>
<p class="p1">There was a moment when the match could have been salvaged. The last two were Roman Reigns, who is likely going to be THE NEXT BIG THING, and Batista, a man who just came back - as in this was his first match in four years. We smarks knew going in that Batista was going to win, and is slated to beat Randy Orton at WrestleMania 30. However, the crowd began to chant for Roman Reigns. Less than 5 minutes later, Batista eliminated Reigns, and the crowd booed him out of the building. </p>
<p class="p1">This is the direct opposite of what the WWE wanted. I don’t know what they’re paying Batista, but it’s probably a substantial pile of money for a relatively light schedule. He is supposed to be the returning hero who will help make WM30 special. </p>
<p class="p1">And the crowd essentially told him and the company to fuck off. </p>
<p class="p1">If they had listened to their audience going in, Daniel Bryan would be the one getting the headline spot at the biggest event of the year. But, even when that wasn’t possible because the man wasn’t in the ring, they could have called an audible and had Reigns win. Yes, finishes are often changed on the fly. It would have been a bit difficult, but not impossible. Instead, we got to watch the WWE shove their plans down the throat of their audience while the fans puked them back up. </p>
<p class="p1">Years ago Vincent Kennedy McMahon hitched his star to Hulk Hogan; wrestling wasn’t the machine that it became. To explain how he took his father’s company from a regional promotion to a national entertainment juggernaut would take more time than I care to devote. Suffice it to say Hogan played a major part, and it started in 1984. </p>
<p class="p1">In the mid 1990s, the then WWF was floundering. WCW was killing them in every imaginable way, and they were being led by a faction featuring Hulk Hogan, now as a heel. Cue “Stone Cold” Steve Austin. The WWF was smart enough to ride the Austin bandwagon for as long as they could. There were other wrestlers involved, but Austin is undisputedly the most popular wrestler ever. Even Hogan didn’t draw like Stone Cold did at his apex. Eventually, the WWF bought WCW. It was huge turnaround, and occurred largely because Vincent Kennedy McMahon was forced to listen to his audience. Had he continued to do what nearly bankrupted his company, the WWF would have ceased to exist. </p>
<p class="p1">Today, the WWE has no competition. No wrestling company is even close. They have developed a way of doing things that precludes any one man from becoming bigger than the company. Why? Simple. Hogan and Austin both eventually left. Austin didn’t go work for the competition, because...well, there wasn’t any, and he essentially can no longer wrestle because of injuries. Vince isn’t stupid. He never again wants to rely on any one man for the well being of his company. </p>
<p class="p1">As long as he keeps making large piles of money, he doesn’t have to listen to his audience. And, here’s the thing about wrestling fans. We *desperately* want to enjoy the product. Those of us who were drawn in as kids and/or teenagers wind up being fiercely loyal to guys we love, and most of us don’t really understand why. I think that essentially, we love good stories, and when wrestling works well, it’s just a good story punctuated by choreographed violence. I won’t get into the complexities of it, but it’s not that different from a great movie or TV show. Some of us walk away for awhile (I have, twice), but many come back when a new wrestler captures our attention. We love it when a match and angle work, and we hate it when our intelligence is insulted. Yes, some of us are actually intelligent. But, wrestling has its roots in carnivals, and just like guys who peddle worked games to marks walking down the midway, those in charge clearly think their audience is stupid, and I often believe they dislike not only us, but themselves as well. After all, in their eyes, they’re making a living by selling a pretend sport with predetermined outcomes. And we buy it. </p>
<p class="p1">So as long as the machine keeps making money, why would they listen to us? </p>
<p class="p1">Because nothing lasts forever. Because last night the crowd in Pittsburgh provided a strong indication that there is growing frustration with the product. Because eventually, when you keep bitchslapping your customers, they will find something else to do. Pro wrestling may only have on major company in this country, but the rise of UFC was no accident. I don’t watch it, but plenty of their fans used to watch wrestling, and many do both. They use lots of old-school wrestling tactics to promote their product, and to the best of my knowledge, their matches are legitimate. </p>
<p class="p1">We’ve walked away before, Vince. Even with your WWE network on the horizon and the income it will likely bring, we may still do it again. Book that Batista/Orton WM30 Main Event, and make sure Bryan is jobbing (losing) somewhere in the middle of the card. Ignore people chanting his name during other matches, both during the event and leading up to it. Eventually, you will stop hearing it, and not just because you are clearly not listening.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978371
2014-01-17T17:00:00-07:00
2014-01-20T03:55:09-07:00
I don't wanna.
<p class="p1">I sit here typing this when I should be working on something else, preferably something with the possibility of putting money in my pocket, but I was a struck with a severe case of the “don’t want tos.” That’s exactly what it sounds like; I don’t want to be productive at the moment, or at least I don’t want to do what I told myself I would...which is to read an audition for another audio book. It’s actually quite a bit of work with no guarantee of any cash, but that’s pretty much anything in this life. </p>
<p class="p1">But, it came to me that perhaps this was a topic with addressing. It’s something I think most of us have heard all our lives; sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do. Usually it involves some sort of payoff or long term goal. For instance, most people with an interest in learning how to play guitar maintain it until they realize how much work is involved. Yes, there are those who are gifted, but most of us put it lots of effort and time in order to become and remain at least competent. Practicing on bass or guitar was never something that was much of an effort for me; I nearly always wanted to get better, particularly when I was a teenager or in my early twenties. But, there’s always been a part of me that rebelled at being told what to do. When I completed the bass program at Musician’s Institute in the late 80s, I probably didn’t work as hard as I could have because I had other factors that were time consuming. I worked a night job because I needed a source of income, and I also had at least a bit of a social life. I can say for certain that I didn’t pursue ear training with nearly as much diligence as I should have, and I’m sure there were other areas in which I didn’t work to my full potential. Why? </p>
<p class="p1">Simple. I didn’t want to. Yes, it's a bit more complicated than that. I did learn a lot and put lots of time into my studies and practice, but simply put, there were times when I opted to watch a movie with friends or just relax and unwind for awhile. </p>
<p class="p1">Please don't misunderstand what I'm saying. I’ve done plenty of things that weren’t on my checklist of desired activities. Just about any job I’ve ever had fits that category. But, I find that now that I have fewer years in front than I do behind, I wonder a bit about the choices I’ve made and the ones I will continue to make. </p>
<p class="p2">For example, next week I restart classes at University of Phoenix online. I earned an Associate’s degree last October, and this will begin the process of obtaining a Bachelor’s in Communications. I really, truly, do NOT want to do it. I recently posted on Facebook that there is a part of me that feels like a spoiled child, kicking and screaming that he doesn’t want to do this. Of course, the same kid was making noise back when I started classes for the Associate’s, and I managed to get through it. </p>
<p class="p2">But, I wonder how much of this is a spoiled child, and how much of it is my inner self screaming that I’m making a mistake; that I’m wasting all sorts of time and money in the pursuit of something that will, best case scenario, eventually land me a job that is just a bit better than the ones I’ve had so far. It’s not like I’m chasing a music degree. Hell, I don’t even <strong>want</strong> to chase one of those. While I enjoy teaching and training people, my experience with music classes or lessons has indicated that most people just aren't as passionate or serious about them as I always have been. Therefore, becoming a music teacher really isn't an option. I could become more of a classical composer, but that's really not where my heart is. No, I'm a songwriter and a performer, and if I can't make it on those terms after giving it my best effort, well...I've mostly reached a level of peace with that. Besides, where my music is concerned, my main desire has always been simply to be appreciated; for people to be moved by what I do. While I'd love to be able to make a living with it, money has been almost a secondary thought. I do wonder why that is, but that’s another discussion. </p>
<p class="p2">People talk about listening to your inner voice; about chasing your dreams and doing what makes you happy. If you are happy with your work, you will never work a day in your life, or some other pretentious garbage. That’s nice. But, it’s been my experience that in this world, in order to have food and shelter, one has to already have money, or be able to get some by providing something that generates it. That’s any job, isn’t it? Someone, somewhere decides they need something done and are willing to pay someone else to do it. If my music doesn’t fit that description, I have to find something else that does.</p>
<p class="p2">And that’s why, regardless of what my inner voice has to say about it, I will start classes again next week. The jobs I’m able to get with my current skill set are usually not satisfying to me on any level, except for providing a meager living. I need more. So, I go through this process society has put in place, and hopefully, when I’m done, I’ll be able to find someone willing to pay me to do something I find fulfilling. </p>
<p class="p2">Still, there are always lessons to be learned if one keeps one’s eyes and ears open. Hopefully, I’ll be able to add to the bit of wisdom and knowledge I have. </p>
<p class="p2">Now if you’ll excuse me, I have things to do. Some of which I'd rather not. </p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978370
2014-01-12T17:00:00-07:00
2014-01-20T03:58:00-07:00
What Moves Us
<p dir="ltr"><span>I recently popped in the Blu-Ray of Rush’s latest concert film - Clockwork Angels Tour – and I found myself emotionally moved to the point of tears during the first few songs. I wasn’t bawling like a child, but my eyes watered, and it was not an unpleasant experience. It made me feel alive and reminded me why I simply can’t seem to shake the dream of making a living through my music; it’s what moves and fulfills me on a level deeper than I can properly convey with mere language. </span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>It occurred to me that this one of the reasons why there are a few on this planet who manage to make large piles of money through something that is really art first and a business second. Nearly all of us want to have positive emotional experiences; we want to </span><span>feel</span><span>. We enjoy being in love, we like seeing the underdog prevail, and we are conditioned to believe that if we work hard and do the right thing, eventually everything will work itself out for the better of all concerned. </span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>Of course, things don’t always work that way. I don’t believe in unconditional love on any level, though I have no children. Some maintain that the love they have for their offspring is best described using that word, but I also have seen and read about plenty of parents who clearly did not share that sentiment. Besides, most relationships are doomed to fail, the underdog usually doesn’t win, and hard work guarantees nothing in the grand scheme of things. </span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>But…we still want to believe. We still want something to affect us on a level that isn’t always easily explained. It can be a news story, a song, a movie, a TV show, a book, or even a simple picture. So, when something taps into that desire, we grab it with both hands and cherish it. Sometimes the appeal starts to fade. A movie can only be watched so many times and a song can be heard only so often. We need something else to get our fix. So we keep looking. </span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>Revisiting something old can make it feel new again. That Rush film I watched probably won’t have the same effect if I watch it again tonight. But, if I wait say…a year or so, it probably will. We seem to be constantly hunting for something to fill the void.</span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>Hm. Maybe that’s it. Maybe these things touch us because they provide something we’re missing. Maybe it’s part of a temporary escape from the everyday grind of life; a bit of a reprieve from doing what is necessary in order to keep food on our tables and a roof over our heads. </span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>Or, maybe sometimes we really do get what we need.</span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>I can provide an example. A number of years ago, my wife had what was really a minor surgical procedure. She would be ok, but it was still a stressful time in our life. She was in the hospital for a few days, and was in no small amount of pain. I would work, go visit her, and then try and keep my mind occupied with anything other than the worst case scenario. On one such night, I went to see the movie “Elf” with a friend of mine.</span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>If you haven’t seen it, the film really isn’t anything special. It stars Will Ferrell as an orphan who grew up as one of Santa’s elves, discovers he’s not an elf, and then journeys to New York to find his real father. He eventually bonds with his newfound family, saves Christmas, gets the girl, and has a baby of his own. It really sounds like the type of thing I would normally avoid. But, here’s the thing. On that night, at that point in my life, it gave me </span><span>exactly</span><span> what I needed. It was the perfect balance of good heart and silly comedy, and I left the theater feeling good. I now own a copy, and the movie will forever be special to me. </span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>If that’s the case, what void did my experience with the Rush concert film fill last night? Well, as I type this, I am again at a bit of a crossroads in my life. I’ve recently obtained an Associate’s degree and will start the road to a Bachelor’s in just over a week. My last temp job just ended, it didn’t provide benefits worth what they would have cost, and having to pay the premiums for a group plan from my previous full time job entirely out of our own pocket is ruining us on a financial level. Our applications for individual plans were rejected. Going without health insurance is not a practical option, and come January 2014, is illegal. There is no comparable insurance plan available through “Obamacare,” and the closest one in terms of quality is just a bit less expensive; not enough to really matter. My wife and I have been trying to find decent full time jobs for longer than I’d care to remember. I’ve been trying to break into the voice over market as a way of making some extra money, and have only managed to get two jobs that didn’t pay much. </span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>You might notice a distinct lack of anything to do with music. </span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>But, not all is lost on that front. As I type this, I have redesigned my website and put up a new batch of songs. I also just got a gig at a great venue in Madison; Wild Hog in the Woods. But, it’s not like I’ve ever managed to make decent money with music.</span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>So, maybe seeing the Rush film served as a reminder that there is still hope, whether I eventually make it or not. Maybe seeing my favorite band perform some of my favorite songs was a necessary emotional slap in the face; a wake up call. I’m taking steps to provide a better income and life for my family, but I still need something that satisfies me on levels that nothing else can. Maybe that’s why most of us find comfort and an emotional connection to various forms of art and feel-good stories. </span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>Because we need it. </span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>Those who can provide it to enough people are able to make a comfortable living; more power to them. I hope to eventually join that club. </span></p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978369
2014-01-05T17:00:00-07:00
2014-01-07T13:55:08-07:00
Sort of a Primer on Conspiracy Theories
<p dir="ltr"><span>For most, the phrase “Conspiracy Theory” brings to mind kooks wearing tin foil hats who blame the government or aliens armed with anal probes for everything wrong with the world. However, our history is littered with examples of conspiracy theories that eventually proved to be true.</span></p>
<p><span><span> </span></span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><strong>The Gulf of Tonkin Incident</strong></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>On August 4, 1964, two American destroyers (the USS Turner Joy and the USS Maddox) reported that they had been attacked by three North Vietnamese gunboats. Within 30 minutes, President Lyndon Johnson made the decision to retaliate, using the attack as justification for the invasion of North Vietnam. History calls the results of this decision The Vietnam War. </span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>But…the attack never happened. An </span><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2005/12/02/politics/02tonkin.html?_r=3&pagewanted=print&" target="_blank"><span>article published by the New York Times</span></a><span> on December 2, 2005 discusses documents released by the NSA, and includes the following revelation: "The overwhelming body of reports, if used, would have told the story that no attack had happened…So a conscious effort ensued to demonstrate that an attack occurred." Statistics indicate that both sides suffered a total of 1.475 million military casualties, 2.094 million wounded, and 4 million civilian casualties. All in the name of a war justified by a lie. </span></p>
<p><span><span> </span></span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><strong>The Assassination of John F. Kennedy</strong></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>This is perhaps the mother of all conspiracies, and everyone knows the official story. The Warren Commission found that Oswald acted alone, firing on and killing the President from a book depository window. </span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>But…did you know that an official governmental body investigated the assassination and released a report in 1979? </span><a href="http://www.archives.gov/research/jfk/select-committee-report/part-1b.html#summary" target="_blank"><span>The Report of the Select Committee on Assassinations of the U.S. House of Representatives</span></a><span> includes the following:</span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>“In conclusion, the committee found that the scientific acoustical evidence established a high probability that two gunmen fired at President John f. Kennedy.”</span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>Well. How’s that for explosive? </span><a href="http://www.archives.gov/research/jfk/select-committee-report/part-1d.html" target="_blank"><span>The committee also found that</span></a><span>: </span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>“The Secret Service possessed information that was not properly analyzed, investigated, or used by the Secret Service in connection with the president's trip to Dallas.”</span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>“The Federal Bureau of Investigation failed to investigate adequately the possibility of a conspiracy to assassinate the President”</span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>“The Federal Bureau of Investigation was deficient in its sharing of information with other agencies and departments”</span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>“The Central Intelligence Agency was deficient in its collection and sharing of information both prior to and subsequent to the assassination”</span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>“The Warren Commission failed to investigate adequately the possibility of a conspiracy to assassinate the President.”</span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>The amount of controversy surrounding JFK’s murder, the Warren Commission, and the report they issued is ridiculous. The number of books and web pages devoted to the subject is staggering (I recommend </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Crossfire-Plot-That-Killed-Kennedy/dp/0465031803/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1381757527&sr=8-1&keywords=crossfire+jim+marrs" target="_blank"><span>Crossfire</span></a><span> by </span><a href="http://jimmarrs.com" target="_blank"><span>Jim Marrs</span></a><span>), but I’m not going to get into any of that here. I suggest that you do, if you have any interest in the subject. My point is that our own government decided that there were at least two gunmen and that the Secret Service, the FBI, and the CIA were essentially incompetent with regard to this murder. Let that sink in for a few moments. The committee also made a number of </span><a href="http://www.archives.gov/research/jfk/select-committee-report/summary.html#recommendations" target="_blank"><span>recommendations</span></a><span>, but to the best of my knowledge, nothing ever came of them. </span></p>
<p><span><span> </span></span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><strong>The Mafia</strong></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>Today, the existence of La Cosa Nostra is a given, and some of our best entertainment is based on the organization’s activities. The Godfather, Goodfellas, The Sopranos, The Untouchables, and Casino are just a few examples. </span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>But…</span><a href="http://www.history.com/topics/the-demise-of-the-mafia" target="_blank"><span>prior to the 1950s</span></a><span>, the government’s stance was that the Mafia was a myth. They weren’t real. They were a conspiracy theory. The first real knowledge we the people received came in the form of New York mobster Joseph Valachi. In 1963, he broke the Mafia’s code of silence, became an informant, and gave the world details on how the Mafia worked that had never been heard before. </span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>So, we had a highly profitable and powerful criminal organization that not only managed to go largely undetected, it also had the United States government publicly proclaiming that it didn’t exist. How’s that for influential?</span></p>
<p><span><span> </span></span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><strong>The Manhattan Project</strong></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>One of the battle cries used by those who debunk conspiracy theories is that the secrecy required makes them impossible to remain hidden. They believe there is no way a large number of people could keep silent; that someone would come forward as a whistleblower. </span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>But…the development of the first atomic bomb (code named The Manhattan Project) </span><a href="http://gk12.rice.edu/trs/science/Atom/man.htm" target="_blank"><span>was carried out in extreme secrecy. It eventually involved 40 laboratories and factories, and employed nearly 200,000 people</span></a><span>. There were leaks, as discussed </span><a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2013/09/the-time-a-cleveland-newspaper-divulged-the-manhattan-project/279873/" target="_blank"><span>here</span></a><span>, but ultimately, the project was kept hidden from the public. The Office of Censorship did their job. Was this necessary? Perhaps, but that is not the point I’m trying to make. The simple fact is that a project involving a large number of people was kept secret from the public. It would be ignorant to assume that this was the only time that this has occurred. </span></p>
<p><span><span> </span></span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><strong>The Tuskegee Syphilis Study</strong></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>There are some who believe that our government would never purposefully harm its citizens; that any statement to the contrary is a lie at best and treasonous at worst. </span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>But…</span><a href="http://www.npr.org/programs/morning/features/2002/jul/tuskegee/" target="_blank"><span>the U.S. Public Health Service withheld treatment from 400 black men infected with syphilis for 40 years</span></a><span>. The Public Health Service and the Tuskegee Institute started the study in 1932. The men in question were lied to about the disease they had, and even when penicillin became a standard cure, treatment was withheld. Why? "The study was conducted to determine from autopsies what the disease does to the human body."</span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>Just think about that. A group of people decided that letting 400 men die from a disease, even after a cure was discovered, was acceptable. This directly affected not only the men involved, but their wives and children as well. In 1973, a class action lawsuit awarded a $9 million dollar settlement and free health care to the survivors. However, that does nothing to reduce how despicable the whole affair was. How angry would you be if you were one of those 400 men, or a member of their families? </span></p>
<p><span><span> </span></span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>There are plenty of other examples. I encourage you to look into </span><a href="http://abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=92662&page=1" target="_blank"><span>Operation Northwoods</span></a><span>, </span><a href="http://www.historycommons.org/entity.jsp?entity=_nayirah__1" target="_blank"><span>the 1990 Testimony of Nayirah</span></a><span>, and </span><a href="http://www.indybay.org/newsitems/2009/11/08/18628134.php" target="_blank"><span>The Business Plot</span></a><span>. I’m not saying that every conspiracy theory you hear has merit. I am saying that those in power – any kind of power - are usually there by choice. Consider the personality type of those who seek power. How many of them do so in order to benefit mankind? </span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>In her book “</span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Sociopath-Next-Door-Martha-Stout/dp/0767915828/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1381761327&sr=8-1&keywords=sociopath+next+door" target="_blank"><span>The Sociopath Next Door</span></a><span>,” Dr. Martha Stout states that as many as 1 in 25 people are a sociopath. </span><a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sociopath" target="_blank"><span>Dictionary.com</span></a><span> defines a “sociopath” as “a person with a psychopathic personality whose behavior is antisocial, often criminal, and who lacks a sense of moral responsibility or social conscience.”</span></p>
<p dir="ltr"><span>How many of those who are in control of this world might fit that description? How many of our past leaders have? Is it so hard to believe that the powerful might do whatever they think is necessary without any real regard for those they are supposed to serve, or for their own misguided reasons? </span></p>
<p><span> </span></p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster
tag:toddlorenz.com,2005:Post/5978368
2013-12-31T17:00:00-07:00
2014-01-03T08:40:49-07:00
New Site, New Music
<p class="p1">So, I spent most of the last two days mixing songs and finalizing my web site. Truth be told, there are probably still things I need to do; putting up better samples on my voice over page is a good example. But, I feel great about what I have accomplished. </p>
<p class="p1">I hope to get back to regularly updating this blog, and it just now occurred to me that I lost all the previous entries dating back to 1998. Hm. I'll contact my hosting company and see if I can retrieve them. I have an archive file that has all but the most recent, so that's something. I'll hold off on posting the archive until I figure out whether or not I can somehow get the others. </p>
<p class="p1">I'm considering playing live again, as the urge has begun to take root. If I do, it will have to be on a fairly limited basis. I'm working full time and will start school again on 1/14/14. In terms of writing music this year, I've decided to compose a collection of new instrumentals. I have enough older material to put together an album, but I think some new stuff is in order. So, we'll see where that takes me. </p>
<p class="p1">Enjoy the new site and the new music. You'll note that I'm giving away everything I have (save for cover songs) for free. Please share this site with anyone you think you would enjoy what I do, and any donations to my PayPal tip jar (upper left hand corner) would be deeply appreciated. </p>
<p class="p2">Be good. </p>
<p class="p2">Edit: 1/3/14:</p>
<p class="p2">Archives for previous entries dating back to 1999 <a href="/files/426699/archives1a.txt" target="_blank">can be accessed here</a>. There are some glaring holes where I stopped putting up new entries, largely because Facebook posts became preferable...sadly, in some ways. </p>
<p class="p2"><a href="/files/426699/archives1a.txt" target="_blank">http://toddlorenz.com/files/archives1a.txt</a></p>
Todd Lorenz - Songwriter, Performer, Author, Former Podcaster