Three weeks since my last post. I really need to avoid these absences; my apologies. But, I do have an idea or thought I wanted to discuss.
As I get older and look back at my life so far - and truly, what will likely end up being the meat of it - I haven't exactly had much success. I did manage to marry a wonderful woman and have at least a few very close friends whom I trust, but I was referring more to financial prosperity. I've never had a day job I really liked or enjoyed, and I've never made anything resembling decent money with my music. Yet, I seem to plod on.
I'm making an effort to change things. I obtained an Associate's Degree last year, and am in the process of getting a Bachelor's. I'm also writing a book, though the content is dark and different enough that I am likely to use a pen name. Musically, I had a really nice gig at Wild Hog in the Woods in February, and I thought about gigging regularly again. I tossed out a few lines, but didn't really get any bites. I could be more persistent about it, but I don't really see the point. I stopped playing out - except for a few select gigs - for good reasons, which I have previously discussed. You can check my archives if you're interested. My next musical project will likely be instrumentals and make use of composition software to provide voices for instruments I can't play. Will it take me any closer to where I'd like to be? I have no idea, but it seems like the next logical step to me. I've done a lot of blues and solo acoustic songs, and plenty of full band arrangements. Taking a stab at being more of a composer feels right. But, I have yet to actually start writing that material. Other things are taking priority right now.
Yeah, I'm getting to my point. As I look back, I realize that I have nearly always preferred to try and make my own way, and whether the road seems easy or not very rarely has anything to do with my choices. I was an only child raised by a single mother with a lot of help from my maternal grandparents. I was a white kid in a small town on the Mexican/California border, which made me a distinct minority. It's no surprise that I tend to prefer my own company and to work alone whenever possible. But, my upbringing is just part of why. I haven't exactly had the best luck with jobs, relationships, or people in general. I was once very open and trusting; experience has made me more than a little bitter and jaded.
So, I find myself now at a point where I really don't want to keep making the same mistakes. I'm currently unemployed, but I refuse to take a job similar to what I've already done. Financial considerations may change that eventually, but for now, I'm trying to find something more in tune with who I am. I hope to complete this book and see if maybe - just maybe - it will provide a reasonable level of income. I don't exactly have any reason to be optimistic about any of this, but what's the alternative? Fall into a nasty sort of malaise and wait out my days in misery?
I'd really rather not.
Y'all be good.